Just BEAUTIFUL. i love the use of repetition, and the idea that there's an underlying meaning as well as a literal one. Keep going, I enjoy reading your work.
That's gorgeous Ari, I love the double meaning (although that's not strictly the right phrase). Either way, it's beautiful.
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
I began this at work, scribbling notes on scrap paper in the cold confines of the Milk Fridge, and finished/edited it tonight. It hasnt come out the way I wanted it too, but I am going to post it up anyway :)
Circle of Frustration
I want to scream at the top of my lungs,
Frustration is building, pulling, rising.
Where no one else can see it,
My spirit is broken, shattered, crying.
A part of me is over this,
No good attempting, working, trying.
Voices yell at me to just give in,
Thoughts of running, fleeing, hiding.
Somewhere reason stands its ground,
Babbling about surmounting, achieving, defeating.
Then I’m back to where I first began,
My anger yielding, surrendering, conceding.
Soon my attention will lose its way,
All resolve faltering, guttering, fading.
The job at hand still to be done,
No time for stalling, pausing, halting.
Deep inside the tension builds once more,
Frustration is grasping, expanding, increasing.
And so the cycle continues on and on,
Constantly ending, beginning, revolving.
Wanderer Ward
14 years ago
Wanderer Ward
Rebel
Heya Ari,
I really like that one. The repetition and sets of 3 helped to build up the idea of cyclical tension really well. I love the way poems often start out on odd materials when you have nothing else to hand. The only thing I can really say other than that is that when reading it aloud I noticed that I kept adding in an extra 'and on' on the penultimate line... not sure if it would work but I can't seem to stop myself adding it, hehe.
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Love it Ari. I can get a sense of your frustration, a bit scary really.
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Thanks for reading girls :)
Maz, I am divided between adding that extra 'and on' and leaving it as it is. I think I'll leave it, but I certainly see where you're coming from with that...perhaps that's why the end frustrated me :P
lol Deb. The boxes of juice I was leaning on to write got a few death glares immediately before I scribbled my idea down :P I'm fairly certain I actually managed to 'write out' my frustration in six lines of poetry ;)
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Sun May 10 2009, 09:53pm
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Kit's Poem
You say that it’s your time to leave this world.
That now it’s your turn to go.
It aches to accept the choice you have made,
It aches more when I want to say no.
You have lived a great many years in this life,
Had your fair share of good and bad,
And while I rejoice in those ninety-two years,
The imminent end is sad.
Words cant express what you mean to me,
Even less what your absence will do,
And while I sit here and write all this down,
I can’t say any of it to you.
There has always been a great distance between us,
Yet you have always felt quite near.
Now the distance will seem greater again,
And this is the part that I fear.
As much as it hurts I will say goodbye,
But know that it’s not final,
Because I will keep you in my heart
Until it’s my time to leave this world,
Until it’s my time to go,
And one day we will meet again,
Where and when I do not know.
I love you, I’ll miss you.
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Oh Ari, that is beautiful and sad and heartwrenching and hopeful, all rolled up in one.
Hey Ari,
Wow, you can write really well! I enjoy writing too, so i write a lot. Some of your pieces that you have posted are really beautiful, and i'd like to read more from you! Your descriptive words are fantastic, I can see what you are writing about so clearly in my mind. Well done!!
That is sooo sweet Ari!! i admire your writing skills.
Dreamweavers' Guildmistress
14 years ago
Dreamweavers' Guildmistress
Dreamscape Artist
I loved it Ari, it's so beautiful, and it reminds me a bit of when my grandfather died, and how I comforted myself with the knowledge I'd see him again one day.
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Fri Jun 05 2009, 06:23pm
Mystic Guilden
Mage
The Lay of the Lady in Waiting- Incomplete/partially edited
For my Lady in Waiting I dually call,
And listen for her footsteps out in the hall,
But not a single sound meets my ear,
The long silence builds in me a fear,
Where is my Lady on this cold night?
Her absence is not usual, it doesn’t feel right.
Beyond the castle moat and wall,
Past the elms so old and tall,
Stands a house fair of face,
And within this mild merchants place,
My Lady in Waiting rests her head,
The man she loves shares her bed.
A message sent but not received,
Of her tryst with her Knight this eve,
And so I continue to fret and fear,
That an ominous danger lurks quite near,
Watching the stars while I wait,
I see them weaving my Lady's fate.
Two days pass and all is well,
My Lady comes when I peal the bell,
Though quiet and heavy of heart is she,
For her true love is to war over the sea.
Still my Lady dutifully sits at my side,
Doing her tasks to maintain her pride,
Yet her lips tremble as if ready to cry,
Every breath in comes out as a sigh.
The seasons change, months come and go,
My Lady's fears churn and grow,
Together we hope and together we pray,
That her courageous Knight will return one day,
But no word is sent and gossip means little,
I watch her daydreaming while I work at my spindle.
For my Lady in Waiting I gently call,
But her footsteps will not sound in the hall,
For a letter brought back news most cruel,
That her Knight lost his life in war's bloody duel.
She paces her room stricken with grief,
My Lady in Waiting prey to life's swift thief.
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Thanks Deb, have chaged the spelling to Peal. And no spindle doesnt rhyme with little, and it drove me nuts too, but so far I havent come up with an alternative line that makes sense :P If you have any suggestions, I'll gladly hear them :)
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Sat Aug 22 2009, 08:03pm
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Ari's Poetry Thread: [act]feels abandoned[/act] :-{
Ari: Wait! I have written.
Ari's Poetry Thread: :D
Here is my latest Poem. I dont think the second part came out quite right, but I'll let you all be the judge of it :)
The Reflection
When the darkness closes in,
Can a smile pierce the despair?
When the world ceases to spin,
Can a laugh cause a turn?
When the world runs dry,
Can tears of joy water the earth?
When loneliness settles in,
Can a friendly word dispel it?
Can a smile falter,
When darkness closes in?
Can a laugh be muted,
When your world ceases to spin?
Can the world run dry,
When your tears will not fall?
Can a friendly word be dispelled?
When loneliness rules all?
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
PML...I always do that! I just cant get it into my head that its Tears!! [act]headdesk[/act]
Thanks Avialle, I will fix it up right now :)
I really like the balance between the first and second halves. I think the second half ties the poem up very nicely.
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Untitled
I feel like I've been spinning,
Around and around and around,
And though my feet aren’t moving,
They're not planted on solid ground.
My brain is a tumble of emotions,
I don’t know which ones are real,
But there is one stronger than the others.
Sadness is the one I can feel.
It burns through my body,
Like a fiery ice it courses through,
And I let it take its toll on me,
Believing there is nothing else I can do.
That is such a sorrowful poem Ariadne, but I love it. Same with 'The Reflection'. They're both so heartfelt and beautiful!
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Beautiful and empahic as usual
I really like that Ari. :) It conveys emotion really well. I particularly like the first line. :)
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Sun Nov 01 2009, 11:06am
Mystic Guilden
Mage
This poem is a little rough, but I had a go at taking the first line of each verse and making another coherent verse out of them. I think it came off sort of ok, but let me know what you think anyway :)
The Storm
I stood upon the sodden earth,
The rain kept pelting down,
But I refused to move my bare feet,
From where they were planted on the ground.
Above the storm raged fiercely,
Lighting illuminated the sky,
And though I flinched at those flashes,
I would not dare go back inside.
All around the thunder rolled,
Seeming to scream out in fury,
But I would not move a single inch,
Even when the echoes shook the world.
*And I stood still, breathing deeply,
Letting the storm fill my soul,
The lightening flashing, the thunder rolling,
Icy rain soaking me to the bone.*
*And I stood still, breathing deeply,
Letting the storm fill my soul;
The lightning flashed, the thunder rolled,
Icy rain soaked me to the bone.*
I stood upon the sodden earth,
Above the storm raged fiercely,
All around the thunder rolled,
And I stood still, breathing deeply.
_ _ _ _
The Verses in blue are the same verse, written in slightly different tenses.
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Thats amazing Ari. The last four lines fit together perfectly.