Critique is good yes, I have a bad habit of only writing and editing in the wee hours of the morning so I am very prone to stupid mistakes . . . plus I generally am just bad at grammar & punctuation.
I've had a quick look at this and I'd suggest another read and edit. Its a bit fragmented in places and there are a few bits where a word change would help. Check for typos as well. If you'd like a more thorough critique let me know.Deb
An ellipsis can also be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence . . . :nod: *silence* Ahem, I do have a bad habit of over using elipsis' though.
I put commas instead of an elipsis (. . . ) because a comma signals a pause, where a . . . is supposed to signal a piece of a quote that's been skipped over (or something).
Haha don't worry that only makes sense in context :nod:
Did you mean barred "for life"? (It could just be that barred from a life is an expression I'm not familiar with, I just wasn't sure).
Currently at about 60,000 words . . . so i'm not relly sure if that is short. 8-|
is it eventually going to be a short story?
No matter how never ending your sentences get, you can take comfort in the fact that Nietzsche's were longer.Lol, I agree. ;P And what about Descartes?! Now some of his were pretty bad, what with all of his 'musings' and 'thinking out loud', etc. :P I think he once went for a whole page without any full stops and a minimal amount of commas. We had to read it out loud in class and the poor girl reading it almost passed out. ;P
Bluuuuur!! I've spent over 6 years on this so it's actually more like an annoyingly long and confusing series which I now mostly hate but have to write to get rid of it :P Umm.
If it's going to be a novel, could you give me a short synopsis?
I think it was influenced by Douglas Adam's Hitchickers since I've only just read a Terry Pratchett book this year (OMG I love him I went through 9 of his books in a month and then the library ran out :|) and I can't say I've ever even looked at any of the Lemony Snicket's. But yeah thanks and stuff :roll:
The style reminds me a bit of Terry Pratchet or Lemony Snicket,
Well that wasn't even all of the first chapter . . . it was just the only part I had ever bothered to look at twice so HUR everything else is seriously unedited and writen at such different times that it's kinda ll over the place at the moment. I've since told myself that I'm not going to go back and edit anything UNTIL I GET IT WRITEN since I'm a brilliant procrastinator and have been putting it off and putting it off. I wrote about 40,000 words on it at the end of last year and since then I would have been lucky to have writen maybe 10,000. So goal one is now just to finish it before I go back and edit anymore . . . so hey look I'm rambling again.
Will you post the next chapter?
TL;DNR: Won't post anything else unless your happy to look at even worse grammar and even longer sentences :P
[act]has never picked up on Nietzsche and Descartes apparent epic sentence length[/act] |:| Maybe that's my problem . . . I just don't notice the length, though honestly I don't have a clue as to what length is too long.
8-| Oh Lud kill me now . . .
The second sentence of your story is about 40 words. |:|
:nod: Mmm yes. I was looking into doing a grammar unit next year but unfortunately they don't run them at this campus but I have been able to download the lectures so that's something at least. I think I have improved with such since having written it (I found the original handwriten draft the other day . . . ye lud) but I despise editing and tend to only change spelling mistakes since I'm lazy.
I would recomened you consider looking in to learning the right ways to split up your sentences as I think your writing would really benefit from them: it has certainly helped mine, and learning grammar and punctuation is never a bad thing