Hominoms are going to be the death of me, lol Thanks.
And it's from Ariel's POV, cause almost everything I write for Ober comps is about him ~:| I should probably branch out...
::) Of course it would have to be Ariel. I really like it but the idea of Ariel being poetic makes me giggle a lot at the same time, since I don't imagine him not being able to be so. :P
Anyway [act]poke[/act] good to see that at least one of us seems to be writing stuff. :|
14 years ago
Sat Jan 09 2010, 05:14pm
Okay, so it's been pointed out to me that I've been going on about all this writing I've done, but I haven't posted any of it. I'm sort of iffy about posting stuff I'm hoping to publish but there is one segment I'm sort of wondering about. It's near the begining of the book, but not near enough to post the entire work leading up to it.
The book is meant to be a young adult type historical romance set in Alberta, Canada, 1905, during the province's first election. Simon, whose POV this bit is written in, is running for office. Rosemarie, the oldest of three sisters, disapproves of his policies (which do not include giving women the vote), but her father has invited Simon over for dinner for various reasons that aren't important right now. They are just sitting down to dinner. Violet is the youngest sister. Not that that really matters.
As they sat around the table, with Mr. Montgomery at the head, and Rose at his left, Simon noticed that Violet waited for him to choose a seat before crossing the room to sit in the chair next to his. Was she attracted to him? His sisters all said he was handsome, but he’d never really believed it.
He was also sitting across from Rose. He could tell she was deliberately ignoring him. Whenever she looked up, her eyes seemed to skid over him, becoming temporarily blind until he was out of her field of vision. But he could see just fine. Now, with all three sisters sitting so close together, he could start to see the resemblances. His first impression had been that they must only be half sisters, for they certainly didn’t look much alike; Rose had rich brown hair that, pinned away from her face, made her look older than he suspected she was. Her cheekbones were angular and fairly square, like her father’s, which gave her rose-coloured dimples he didn’t think were stained with makeup. Her skin was more tanned than the other two girls, too. Beside her, Lily looked nearly as white as her namesake, though the black hair, some of which hung in ringlets around her face in a style Simon suspected was fairly outdated, didn’t help to darken her complexion. Her face was less angular, but her chin was pointier. And then there was Violet, with her blonde curls which were piled on top of her head, and her round face, which was matted with make up. But all three of them had the same pointed nose, the same brown-blue eyes, framed as they were by their different expressions: Rose’s determinedly blank, Lily’s casually disinterested, Violet’s eagerly engaging.
A woman who, by her age, might have been the girl’s mother, but who was far too plain to show any resemblance, came in with plates of food. Simon assumed this was the housemaid, so when, after serving everyone, she brought another plate and seated herself at the far end of the table, Simon was confused. He tried to hide it, but for once, Rose was watching him. She smirked. ‘Martha is like family,’ she said. ‘We wouldn’t make her eat alone.’
Simon was reminded of a child, sticking its tongue out at someone who’d just lost an argument. Only the child was in her twenties, and the tongue was a smug smile. Simon bit back a retort. Not in front of Mr. Montgomery, he told himself, and nodded politely at Martha. ‘Your cooking is delicious,’ he said.
‘Oh, it wasn’t all me, Mr. O’Donnald. Rosemarie did most of it.’
Rose smirked, but when he turned his look of surprised appreciation on her, she scowled. ‘I suppose you were thinking that, because I want a vote, I wouldn’t know how to do regular woman’s work, is that it?’ She asked.
He had, but he knew better than to say it. ‘Of course not. It’s just that most women of your stature don’t involve themselves in the domestic chores. Not when they have a paid body to do it for them.’ He could tell by her expression that this reasoning wasn’t much better.
‘Martha is like family,’ Rose repeated. ‘She’s more of a mother to us than a house maid.’
At the end of the table, Martha beamed.
Now, having read that, my concern is with the descriptive paragraph. Is it TOO descriptive? Is it too LONG? Does it flow or is it disjointed? Does it even make sense? It's the first time any of them are described and I want to emphasize the differences between them but also show that they are not completely different. Usually I wouldn't bother with such a detailed bit, but given the genre I think it's sort of necessary, though I COULD break it up and describe them as they're introduced, then just keep the bits about the similarities in this section.... what'd'ya think?
Please pick it apart as much as you need. I'll take all the feedback I can get.
Me, being someone who despises character descriptions didn't mind it. Maybe it was a little too long but to me you weren't just describing the characters, you were making a point of explaining there differences, which gives the paragraph more of a point than just 'oh and these people look like this et cetera.' As it is I think it works, and the flow seemed okay on a first read.
Your decision to outline Rose's features more deeply than the other too does make sense, since she is obviously the more primary character out of the three, but if you did want to shorten it a little I would aim for that area because at first I was rather under the impression that the entire paragraph would be talking about her. :)
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
I'd use slide rather than slid.
I think that paragraph is good but I'd maybe split it and start a new paragraph where you start describing Lily. I'm presuming that Rose will become the protagonist so paying more attention to her would make sense.
I like the character descriptions, and I don't think they're too long at all. Like Sionainn said, I think it's important that you've pointed out the differences and similarities between them. I personally like character descriptions because it's easier for me if the author shows me how a character is supposed to look instead of me just guessing and finding out much later in the book that I was entirely wrong.
I'm glad you're writing about Canada! I can't think of the last book I read that was set in Canada, maybe something by Jack London ??? Although, I'm guessing that if I lived in Canada it would be much easier to find books set in Canada.
You'd think it would be easier to find books set in Canada just by living here, but it isn't really... unless you like novels that are heavy on RL. The sort of novels that get made into acadamy award movies about people who are lost, find each other, loose each other, and carry on with their lives.
I was at the book store the other day, just browsing, and in the teen section, the ONLY Canadian book they had for sale was Anne of Green Gables!! I was SOOO annoyed. I think bookstores should have to adhere to Canadian content laws :nod:
anyway, [/rant]
This is a poem/song thing I wrote while procrastinating. Not that I do that often |:| In my head, it is accompanied by Native American type drumming.
On the seashore..
by the sea.
On the rocky ledge..
by the sea.
Where the waves crash.
and the eagles fly.
By the sea..
By the sea..
This is where..
I will rest my head.
On the seashore..
by the sea.
On the rocky ledge.
where the waves crash.
By the sea..
By the sea..
And when morning comes..
please don't wake me.
I am happy here..
by the sea.
Where the waves crash.
and the eagles fly.
I am free..
I am free..
And if I never..
Return home again.
Just remember..
I am free.
On the rocky ledge.
where the eagles fly.
By the sea..
By the sea..
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
I like that Ama, great flow. I also LOVE Anne of Green Gables :P
Ok when I first read the first line I had that silly 'Sally sells seashells by the seashore' crawling into my head. I had to re-read the first stanza :P But yeah, anyway pointless commentry there . . . I quite liked this, more than a lot of poetry, probably because it doesn't rhyme. :)
i (L) your character descriptions, obviously someone has had a lot of really bad descriptions and/or been told that one they put alot of work into one and told it was rubbish. unless it is like seriously way too long then otherwise the description is the best bit. i love it more when its in soemone's POV because then you see what they see, and then ita great when the POV gets changed and you see everything differently :)
when ever some one says 'Sally sells seashells by the seashore' i think 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.' and i also think of when i got my plate (in my mouth) in and because there was something in my mouth my brian was telling my glands to produce saliva. so all my friends made me say long complicated saying full of Ses. :-| so i got then back by spraying accident of course, i couldn't control my saliva:)) them:)
Ashlings' guildleader
14 years ago
Ashlings' guildleader
Dreamscape Artist
Ama, I love, love, LOVE it! It's got such a gorgeous rhythm to it, I've read it about 5 times now and my head is going sqee over it like I would imagine it's supposed to for Kant's 'sublime'. I have a thing for rhythm, nothing stops me reading like poetry/prose with a rhythm I can't figure out, (I think it's the F-grade musician in me) but this is perfect. If my poetry books were filled with more stuff like this I might read them more.
I think it awesome! I love it!
It has such a gorgeous flow and rhythm to it (L)
:D Thanks guys, I'm glad you liked it!
This has nothing to do with anything, but it'll be easier if I can pretend I'm writing something for Sus Rid or whatever, 'cause I've tried this in my word processor and on paper and it just isn't working, but one of these two characters killed a peripheral and I need to figure out which one it was. You don't need to read this.
Ama: Alright you two, this isn't funny. Which one of you was it?
Moira: Why would I want to kill him ???
Brynn: Maybe someone coerced you to do it?
Ama: You mean like you, Brynn?
Brynn: ::) Why would I bother making her do it? I do my own dirty work; less mess to clean up afterwards.
Moira: Maybe you didn't want to get caught :P
Brynn: Please ::) first off, the murderer framed someone else, and secondly, involving a middle man is a sure way to GET caught. They'll always turn you in the moment someone starts asking.
Ama: You seem to have thought this through.
Moira: *smirks*
Ama: ":( I don't appreciate being smirked at. I am your author and you will do as I tell you!
Moria: You know that never works.
Ama: ~:| I know. But come on. One of you did it. I can't write any more until I know which of you it was.
Brynn: How do you know it wasn't Mel? He's the soldier.
Moira: And a meanie.
Ama: Because he has no motive to frame Flor for it. And even if he did, he isn't clever enough to pull it off.
Brynn: Well, I think we can all agree with that last point.
Ama: Thank you.
Moira: How would I have even been able to kill him? I'm a weak little slave girl!
Brynn: and I'm not much stronger.
Ama: He was drunk. Maybe even unconcious.
Brynn: If Moira didn't do it, how come she was acting all ashamed after we found him?
Moira: ":( Well if Brynn didn't do it, why... ~:| okay, I got nothing.
Brynn: :P See, it was her!
Moira: But I don't have any motive!
Brynn: and I do?
Ama: You both do. Moira, he wanted something from you that you didn't want to give. And Brynn, you were upset with Flor for usurping your possition in the household. Framing Flor for murder would have been a good way to get back at her for that, and villify her in the eyes of the slaves and servants so they would still like you better. That's why Moira was acting so strange after; all the slaves suspected you were the one who'd really done it, and weren't willing to choose sides between you and Flor, in case they got killed, too.
Brynn: ":( Looks like you've got it all figured out then. I bow to your powers of deduction.
Ama: Oh, shut up Brynn. What I don't understand is why Mel lets you get away with it. He must know what happened.
Brynn: You said yourself he wasn't very bright. Besides, he doens't care about any of the slaves.
Moira: That's true. And maybe he finds it amusing, watching you play games with Flor. She's too innocent and sweet to even know what you're up to.
Brynn: it's pathetic, isn't it?
Ama: So that's it then? That's why he puts up with you? For amusement?
Brynn: What can I say? I know my job. I do it well.
Ama: You know this means I'm going to have to re-write Gwarth's introduction :|
Brynn: Maybe you should have gotten it right the first time then ;P
Ama: ~:| Go away before I write about something really awful happening to you.
Okay, so that helped a little. Nonsensical as it was. I s'pose I don't really need to post it, but I'm going to anyway :P
Ashlings' guildleader
14 years ago
Sun Feb 07 2010, 02:56pm
Ashlings' guildleader
Dreamscape Artist
I'm glad you posted it, it's good to know I'm not the only one that argues with figments of their imagination! XP
Lol Ama, that made me laugh a heap. I hope it helped you :P
Mystic Ward
14 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Very nice. PML. I have conversations with myself like that but I'm not sure I'd be game enough to let others hear/see them. :P
Ah yes the good old, 'talking to thyself but not really actually talking to thyself because these other people aren't actually me even though I made them up' ploy . . . why have I not done this myself?
Haha feel free to post more nonsense Ama, it's amusing even though I don't get most of it. I guess I just like seeing character intereactiob. :D
I am so glad you posted that Ama, i have done that sort of thing in my head just never really written it down. I might do that :P I use the 'I can destroy you tactic' I did once and then about a month later I missed him so I brought him back :| ~:| now I sound really really mad
Mystic Guilden
14 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Love it Ama. I can freely admit I've had incidents like that with my characters too :P You wrote it out well :)
11 years ago
Wed Jul 04 2012, 04:05am
*Dredges old thread up from the bowels of the fourth page*
I am in desoerate need of focus. I keep switching from one project to another. Like on an hourly basis. It's making it hard to get any progress. Does anybody have any ideas on how I can better concentrate on one project at a time? Cause it's getting a bit ridiculous ~:|
Choose one, inform us what you're working on and then post when you get side-tracked? We're good at glaring, pointing our fingers, and saying, 'stop that - get back to what you're meant to be doing!' (and we say that in the most understanding and sympathetic way possible, of course :))
[act]may or may not be working on and off on 13 things at once[/act] Oh yeah, it's totally easy to only concentrate on one thing and not get distracted. I can totally give heaps of advice! [act]starts looking for exit[/act]
But like Darga said we can totally kick you if needed.
Oo, that might work. Every little bit helps. Now I just have to pick a project....
On the go right now I have (titles are really just keywords to kerp things straight in my head):
Camelot
Airly
Runes
Sherwood
Singers
Rebellion
Jorta
Revelation
And a bunch of small, half cocked stuff. Let's ignore all that for now.
I really want to focus on the Jorta stuff right now. So I'll keep track of my writing progress and post updates here, and if I mention any if those other projects, please give me your best glares. I would very much appreciate it.
Glaring face prepared. Now I want snippets. Post post post!!! :)