Your second task is to write up a job application for your squirrel persona, applying to a particularly squirrelish job. Possibilities include Acorn Collectors, Acorn Defenders, Tail Groomers, Squirrel Beauticians, etc. Feel free to come up with your own ideas! How is your squirrel persona the best applicant for the job?
Please keep your entry within 500 words and post it here under spoiler tags so your ideas don't influence everyone else!
[sub](Don't worry if you haven't written an audition yet, you don't have to do all of the tasks or do them in a set order. All tasks remain open until the end of the week, Jan 27th)[/sub]
Squii: *Shouts over his shoulder* Of course I know that I can't write, Squiii! But I CAN step on the keys of a keyboard, and I'll write my resume that way!
Computer: *Drops down from the sky, seemingly serendipitously*
Squii: *Begins to walk on the keys, typing*
Date of birth: 15th June, 2008
Contact details: Go to the fourth tree from the western corner of Hyde Park, London. Check that the coast is clear. A rope will drop down from the tree, and I may be reached from there. (Please don't pass on these details to any Evil Overlords, Evil Minions, or any evil people in general. I'm in hiding.)
Work experience: September 2008-Present: Reluctant Evil Minion in The Lady of the Squirrels' Evil Squirrel Army.
Duties involved: Stealing acorns, refusing to stand still for tourists' photos, strategising in preparation for an upcoming battle with an army of Evil Pigeon Minions.
Education: 22nd January-Present: Detective Training with Detective Bob.
Diploma in Advanced Acorn Gathering (Class of 2009)
Diploma in Advanced Acorn Stealing (Class of 2009)
Certificate in Advanced Standing Around and Looking Deceptively Cute (Hons., Class of 2009)
Why I would be suited to this job:
As a reluctant and recovering Evil Minion, I believe I have the experience and qualifications necessary to be a very good Tourist Photo Opportunity. My one-and-a-half years' experience working as an Evil Squirrel Minion gave me plenty of opportunities to work both with humans and squirrels - the level of versatility required to cope with the strenuous demands of working with human tourists.
During my time as an Evil Squirrel Minion, I was given many opportunities to practice Looking Cute, for which I gained my Certificate in Advanced Standing Around and Looking Deceptively Cute - a skill essential to any would-be Photo Opportunity. However, in recent times, I have realised that my talents would be more ideally suited to less evil pursuits, and since tourists are, for the most part, not evil, I would have an opportunity to use my Evil skills for the cause of Good.
I have also begun detective training with Detective Bob, which has taught me the valuable skill of Looking Cute While Carrying a Magnifying Glass, which I feel could give me a crucial edge in the competitive Attracting The Attention of Tourists market.
I am hardworking and trustworthy (although, due to being in hiding, I am unable to provide character references to support this claim, but if I were not in mortal danger from her, the Lady of the Squirrels would be happy to testify to my good character) and I hope you'll look on my application favourably.
Squii: See! I knew I could write that! I should've added 'touch-typing' to my list of qualifications!
Henry: [act]crushes up some charcoal in water for ink and gently brushes some fur from his pelt to make a brush and starts to write. [/act]
To whom it may Concern:
I am applying for the position of baby squirrel photographer as advertised in the Squirrel Times on the 20th of January2010. I feel that I am the ideal candidate for this position as I have a camera.
I have had four day experience taking photographs during Squirrel Week. While I have no actual experience in photographing baby squirrels I have plenty of pictures of crime in action and modelling shots. I am enclosing some copies of my work including one of an extremely rare purple squirrel which may never be seen again.
I am sure that squirrel parents everywhere will appreciate photographs to remind them of their young when they were still cute and cuddly. Particularly as it seems; from recent observations; that most squirrels turn out rather...differently than one would expect.
I look forward to your positive reply and can be contacted at the Squirrel Week celebrations on Obernet until the 27th.
The following was mailed to Squirrel Head Office. It was in a silk envelope made my actual silk worms and sealed with sun-hardened sap. The paper was pawmade pulp and the ink was actual octopus ink.
To whom it may concern with regards for the ‘Squirrel Queen’ position;
You may note that the job I am applying for was not an advertised position. I assume this is merely because you did not realize I would be interested in governing your tedious little lives, or perhaps you simply don’t realize the benefits to having a squirrel queen. It it is the first, I will forgive the oversight. If it is the second, allow me a moment to enlighten you.
Squirrels often work independently, gathering nuts just for themselves, and then forgetting where they hid them, but imagine a world where all of you worked together, under my direction, to gather nuts and protect them from chipmunks and other nut-stealing creatures. With the right person in charge, we could all live out the winters in comfort and security. Afterall, it works for the ants and the bees! Surely you are not saying they deserve a queen and you don’t?
Please find attached a list of my qualifications and experience.
Skills and Assets:
- I am exceptionally beautiful, which is important when dealing with diplomats.
- I have very high moral standards that everyone ought to agree with because they’re mine.
- I am generally wonderful in every way.
- I was always the queen when my siblings and I played queen of the pile of acorns.
- I have worn a crown for three years now.
- I practice courtly waving and posing for photos every single day.
And besides all that, well, you need only look at me to know that I’m wonderful and ideally suited to such a glamourous position. I can start in three days: Just as soon as I get back from my monthly spa retreat... I expect that will be covered as a business expense?
The following letter is dictated by Bob the Detective Squirrel and written by one of the many monkeys with opposable thumbs.
To whom this may concern. Ever since I was young, I have been absolutely fascinated with the Squirrel Ballet. It has been my dream since I was a very young tot to dance with the beautiful and very skilled dancers. As I seem to be getting on in life, the years just slipping away from me, I wish to follow my dream, give up the family business of detecting, and apply for this possition.
I have watched the Squirrel Ballet a numerous amount of times, and have picked up many of their defining qualities, which I have then worked on perfecting. Their grace, their balance, the fluid movements of paws and tails, timing, and, of course, becoming one with the music. I know I have managed to perfect these arts, and would therefore be a parfect member for the group.
I have a great arange of skills perfected through many years, such as;
- the ability to jump and twirl through the air without hurting myself (an important quality i feel most squirrels miss completely)
My experience includes;
- many years practising and perfecting the art of dancing by myself
- a lifetime of being trained and then working in the detective business
I hope that you can see my side of this, and would appreciate the chance to complete my life's dream/purpose.
Thanking you kindly,
Bob the Detective Squirrel
[act]dips claw into inkwell and scrawls onto spare parchment from the dreamies tower[/act]
I’ve heard whispers around the tower that you’re looking for a new trophy polisher. I’d like to offer the services of myself and my very accomplished tail for this job.
While I may not have previous experience in such a job, I can assure you I’m a huge fan of the shinyness, and thus would work extra hard to keep trophies at peak shinyness.
At the moment I’m working as a sweeper for the tower. So as you can see, my tail has a lot of experience at cleaning things.
I’ve also received many awards and commendations for the Fluffiest Tail as well as Most Versatile Tail.
I believe these make me qualified to be in charge of keeping our treasure trophies clean.
Thank you muchly for your time!
Charlie B. Squirrel