Simple, but nice. I like the second stanza the most, it has a very Yin Yang kind of quality.
Thanks! i was trying to get the whole poem like that, but i couldnt think of anything but light and dark... and does girl and boy even count? lol (by the way, if it does count, i placed the girl as the light part and the boy as the dark part.... just so you all know whta i think of you boys... :P )
I really like your one called I Need You. As someone else said it is simple but nice.
Ok, i've dared to try a story..... Here is the maybe first chapter :P
I was sitting in my room reading a book of poetry when Mother came in to say goodnight. Behind her was Maggie, my nurse-maid. I sighed as I got into bed. I really didn’t want to go to sleep. However, with both Mother and Maggie here to make sure I went to bed, there was no chance of staying up even 1 more minute. Mother may look sweet and pretty, what with those big brown eyes and her silky brown hair, but she has a tough side to her. However, Maggie is just about as sweet as an asparagus, which she happens to resemble quite a bit because of all her wrinkles. Well, most times. Her bright green eyes bring life to her face, especially when she smiles. I’ve always been jealous of those green eyes, but not for their color. I’ve always loved that sparkle in her eyes. Mother has it too, whenever she laughs.
Anyways, I was stuck going to bed with nothing to do about it. I sighed again as Mother kissed me on the forehead. She smiled and her eyes smiled right there with her mouth. “Just remember Sasha, if you didn’t go to bed at a decent time you wouldn’t have all that energy you use to play during the day.”
“I know, Mother.”
She smiled again and said goodnight, then left. Maggie told me goodnight, turned off the light, and left, too. I thought over the day’s events. My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I will turn 13. By then the war with Barbican, the country to the north should be over. It started because Barbican wanted to expand their borders. Apparently into our little country called Jaedien. We’ve barely been able to hold them back. However, we are expecting a reinforcement party from our brother-country, Teonos. King Richard, Teonos’ ruler, is my father’s best friend. They are still best friends, even though they’ve grown up and are now each ruling their own country.
My father, King James Locke, has always tried to keep that friendship alive. I think it’s because of two reasons. One, he really does want to remain friends. Two, if they don’t remain friends war may very well break out between Teonos and Jaedien. I don’t think we would win, and I doubt my father thinks we would win, either.
I stopped thinking of the past and looked ahead to the future. When I turn 16 I’m supposed to marry King Richard’s son, Charlie. I have to admit, I don’t mind that. I mean, Charlie is pretty cute. Also, I like the settling down part, having a family, and definitely the being a queen part. However, it’s not just that, Charlie is kind, smart, funny, and – well, just everything a girl could ever want. Charlie is not the Crown Prince, though. His older brother, Zachary, is. I’m glad I’m not marrying him. He’s the total opposite of Charlie. Still, he should make a great king.
I finally fell asleep as I thought, then dreamed of, what the future would bring. Little did I know that I was way off target.
End of Chapter 1
Tell me what you think, please!!!!!
I'm interested with what will happen later in the story. It sets the scene very nicely. :)
Ya well, story writing makes me nervous, lol. Dont know why, but it does, so here is a couple of poems, instead.
Higher and Stronger
We build our love up,
Toward that perfection,
Which always seems to be just out of reach.
But our love wasn’t strong enough,
And we hit the ground.
We try again,
Faster this time,
We get higher,
But we just hit the ground harder.
We try once again,
As high as possible,
Without it wobbling,
Then we enjoy the height,
And the love we have at that moment.
We continue to hit the ground,
harder each time,
but we just love stronger,
and build higher.
Ok, so, more of a is the glass half full or half empty thing, but i kinda like it. I wrote another poem somehwere.... hmmmm...... oh, great, it's packed up... grrr.... well, i will get it to you later.
Oh, and i will try to write more of that story soon.
Hmmm think thats it, later all!
These are all so great! I not much help on the criticism though....
Nice theme on the poem. The falls tend to ouch a little don't they.
Really good ideas Dakosha. I loved reading your story and your poem was really good. :D Kepp up the good work. You're writing is definately improving.
Hmmmm who knew getting away from the house fro a few days could be so good for you?
Anyways, quite a few new poems. Tell me what you like and don't like, please!!
I hold you when your tired,
I back off when your angry,
I show you my love when you need it,
I give you my everything,
When you need my everything,
But soon I tire,
And you hold me up,
Soon I anger,
And you back off,
Soon I need your love,
And you show it,
Soon I need your everything,
And you give it.
We hold each other up,
We back each other up,
We show each other love,
And always will,
Give each other our everything
Eye of the Storm
When you fall down,
You’ve got to get back up,
Cause soon enough,
You’ll be in the eye of the storm.
Then you can look around,
Remember all of the friends backing you,
And push on ahead.
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Life’s a Fight
Alright, please tell me what you think of these, and thanks for reading!!
Edit: BTW.... VC, next time you say my writing is improving, please tell what part is improving and what else needs even more work.... :P
Hmmm got some more. I really like this one. Hope you guys like it, too!
And here is another one.
Dancing Under The Night Sky
Thanks for reading!!
I really liked Yesterday, today and Tomorrow; it is short, sweet, and gets its message across really well. Dancing under the night sky is really good too. I wish I could write poetry like you, mine seem fine, but I can never finish them.... LOL
Ha ha, thanks sooo much, thalia! I have a few poems that i havnt finished, too, because i get the idea, but if i don't sit down and write it out, i just forget what i felt and where i wanted to go.... things like that.
Tell me what you think of it!! And thanks for reading!
I like it, even if it does remind me of those dreams where you run and run and never move anywhere.... |;)
Dakosha, when i say your writing is improving I am basically saying it that you used to write really complicated things and now you are writing simple yet effective poems that we all understand. :)
Like your yesterday, today, tomorrow poem is simple but has a powerful message. I also really like your still trying poem. Does that help? :)
lol, thanks VC.
Glad to see my poems are liked.
Maybe i can put up a new one soon, just havnt had any time to write.
Finally, a new poem, can't beleive it took so long!! please tell me how you guys like it!
So I Don’t Say a Word
Please tell me your thoughts about these poems. And if u think anything should be changed, go ahead and tell me!
I have to apologise because I'd read through So I Don't Say A Word and forgot to comment on how much I liked it! :P There's such a 'forbidden romance' feel to it. Courage was also very motiovational and worded nicely. :) I've tried to think of ways to improve it, but can't. Very nice, Dakosha. :)
Tell me how you guys like it!!
Very nice Dakosha, though I find it takes more courage to walk in the light than the dark :P
lol, really? i would rather be in the light, where i know what is comming, then in the dark, where anything could surprise me..... thanks though Deb :)
Wow, today is really deppressing, its dark and rainy outside, and today hasnt been all that good....
Anyways, here is a poem, (also dark and deppressing :-? )