13 years ago
Thu Apr 14 2011, 10:50pm
Ok so today i got a surprise!!!
James Moloney came to my school and some other students and I got to join him for a session and one of our tasks was to wrtie a short "Setting the Scene" thing and this is what i came up with and i got realllly good feedback from James and the rest of the students!
James even brought in a peice of Isobelle Carmody's work from The Gathering and said that she was one of the most talented writers that he had ever came across!!!!!
ok so here is what i came up with!
The mist grew heavier as we walked. The only thing that kept us walking was Mattrod's enthusiasm and constant yelling for us to keep up.
"Hurry up! I want to get there before dark!" Mattrod bellowed over his shoulder without stopping.
"Yeah, yeah Matt, if we dont get th... Elyse's voice faded. Thomlyn and I turned to look at her, but she faced away but i could easily see that her mouth was hanging wide open an she was looking at something. I followed her gaze and gasped
"Matt" I yelled. He turned with a frustrated sigh,
"What!" he damanded, i pointed and then he saw it to.
Before all four of us was an old and battered brown wall so tall that the top was not visible because it was engolfed in mist.
There was a big sign on the wall and it read 'Wild Dreams Come True'
"Oh my gosh, Matt is this the old abandoned..." i didnt hear the rest of what Selena had said or what Matt had replied for I already knew that this is what Matt was searching for. Instead I was staring at the two large metal gates below the sign, they were hanging off their hinges and were making low groans as the wind picked up a little and made them sway.
I had just gathered my wits when I saw Matt running towards the gates like a fool yelling
"well come on then!"
"Matt! stop!" Thom yellled, then I sighed when Matt dissapeared thought the gates without stopping. Thom sighed to, and walked to Selena's side and took her hand in his, then they walked off, but paused and Selena gestured for me to follow them, I did. When we passed throught the metal gates the mist was as thick as ever, it was cold and I shivvered but there was no wind, no sound just mist and I had a feeling that something was going to happen.
"Matt! Where are you?" Thom shouted, the sound of his voice brought my mind back form where ever it had been.
"Whats wrong? Wheres Matt?" I asked worried
"I dont know! he wont answer me!" Thom cried
Elyse called his name his name again and again and I was just about to yell his name to, but I froze, we all did as a high pitched scream filled the silence around us. My heart shattered because it was Matts scream.
Not my Matt I thought, not my Matt! I thought agian feircly and started running towards the direction where I thought the scream came from, but Matt hammered into me, we smashed to the ground, he saw who I was and pulled both of us to our feet. There was a terrible shreeking growl and it came form behind Matt, I screamed and Matt turned to face what had caused me to do so, abruptly he pushed me behind him pulling something shinny that caught my eye out of his pocket and he pushed me back.
"Run! Get out of here now! Get the others! Run! Matt screamed and pushed me again.
The creature lunged.
"No! Matt!" i screamed horrified as his body disappered under the creatures.
"Run! Go! Now!" I heard Matt say in a choking, but damanding voice.
I ran.
Sooo what do you thinkkkkk?
The characters are Mattrod and Selena, Thomlyn and Elyse
the story is wiritten in point of view of Selena
Incase you didnt pick up Mattrod is with Selena and Thomlyn is with Elyse
They are all 18 yrs old and Matt likes to go on adventures.
Matt is short for Mattrod
Thom is short for Thomlyn
:roll: ;D
I really hope you guys liked my story! :D
Ohhhh and question: Where Do You Think They Are??? an old abandoned....
Mystic Ward
13 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Thats a nice little episode Selenia. It needs an edit for spelling and the formatting needs a bit of work. I'm guessing it's an abandoned Zoo or Wildlife Park.
nooo its not a wild life parkkk...
and i know it needs A LOT of work i just threw it together in 10mins!
Ok, so, i love it, it sounds awsome... but am i reading it wrong? one second your talking about elyse, (whom you said was the main char, or whatever its called), anyways, one second you tlak about her as someone your looking at (saying her name instead of i) then next sentence you say i. i had no clue who you were talking thru until you said, lol. Also, you mean "Mattrod is with Selena and Thomlyn is with Elyse" by like... their lovers, right? well, if so, (and please tell me if im wrong), and you are talking thru elyse, then why did your thoughts say "Not my Matt I thought, not my Matt!" as if he is well, yours. wouldnt he be Selena's?
Ok, just my thoughts... and is the place like a museum or something? this thing might be mechanical, or even just something on a string, hanging.... like they do in museums... and the string broke? lol
nooo not that..
and yeah i fixed that part up, i wrote it in my book as selena is the one who they looked at but i changed it whn i put it on here but i made a mistake lol my bad
Dreamweavers' Guildmistress
13 years ago
Dreamweavers' Guildmistress
Dreamscape Artist
I found it very interesting Selenia, and I'd love to read more if you decide to proceed with it :)
Wow! This is sooooooo gooood! What happens next?
thanks youuu, lol i dont know what happens next i just threw this together during class lol
You're so lucky to meet James Moloney. I'm so jealous.
Deb is right. Your story does need a bit of formatting done to it. But, you've got the idea of your story. I'd continue writing it. Then when you've written all of it I'd proofread it. But for 10 minutes it is pretty good.