Now don't say I didn't warn you, this is a short creative writing piece I did in year 12 for my HSC, it got me decent marks - most probably due to many markers perishing whilst reading. Apologies for any grammatical or syntactic errors.
Edit: using parts of this story in another, if wanted to read this one about parentally challenged kids again, send me a pm and I can send it to you.
'Parentally Challenged' Okay, this is the best! I literally snorted orange juice on my screen--I wasn't exactly expecting this kind of humour after your rather dramatic description.
Though, I am afraid to inform you that I have not perished from reading this. Air still breaches my lungs I'm afraid. You goal has not been reached.
You describe things very vividly, it's very easy to imagine everything, and I especially loved Leroy. Poor little Leroy. So hard done by. :P
Poor little soul-destroying, flesh-scratching Leroy, you mean. :nods:
Sorry, WraithKing. I'm afraid I'm still alive too. You're going to have to do better than that if you want to destroy me [act]cue evil laugh here[/act]. I need part 2 of this where it turns out the adopting family are actually cannibals with a particular taste for people called Aidan. [act]Struggle occurs - flailing and screeching[/act] Argh! Get this bloodthirsty Vestie spirit out of my body!!!!
Anyway, now that you have proved yourself a master of description and the possessor of a sense of humour dry and keen enough to almost rival Shonk's, I'm afraid there's nothing for it. You're going to have to start writing your novel immediately and come on over to Prodders to share :D
Immediately! [act]Lifts cattle prod meaningfully. Flails, for no particular reaaon[/act]
(Did I make it clear, amongst all that waffle, that I liked your story? Just in case, I liked your story :P. Very funny. And since I'm a mature adult (as you saw from my pacifying comments in various threads last night :P), I should know. So there!)
Argh, I'm late again. Why do you people keep writing awesomeness and make me late all the time! [act]Flails out of Obernet[/act]
... YAY! [act]excitedly dances around the thread[/act] I do love the "St. Barnaby’s Institute for Parentally Challenged Boys" aswell. Good thing I wasn't eating, or I would have choked. I am happy to inform you that I am alive too. Which clearly demonstrates how I was right in making you come here and post your writing :nods: . I am liking Darga's sequel ideas. Cannibalism always goes down well with me :nods: Maybe it could also come out that Aidan's real parents accidentally on purpose tried to eat his pet goat when he waslittle and in his rage he murdered and ate them? Just to add some tension, of course. I definitely think you need to start writing a nove :nods: (no pressure or anything :P I will only plant radioactive pickled lizard stomachs in your coffee ;D) Keeop writing and then post that writing that I am telling you to write, because I want to read it.
Nice story. and I too am still alive and waiting for more.
Well, maybe it will get you when you least expect it? And Vestie, when did I put in a part about a pet goat? [act]scratches head[/act]
I have to admit I too laughed quite a bit when I read 'Parentally Challenged'. Such an original way of putting it. :P However I'm also alive, and it's great that you put this up because it's really engrossing! :) Like Sionnain said your imagery was great, it got me really into the setting of the story, with a very uplifting ending that made me go a little 'naww' on the inside (just the whole picture of the sun shining, birds chirping... :P)
You didn't mention a goat. I imagined it in for you. No need to thank me ;)
Ok since you seemed to like my (awful) piece of short fiction I may as well post up a little scrap of what i've been thinking about for the last month - this is a complete first draft, it will be really short - so feel free to criticise instead of complement.
This is a basic intro I have been trying to perfect, so any helpful posts will be appreciated. (every idea is fluid at the moment)
I like that short snappy style of writing :nods: . It's good. Would make a good blurb for a novel as well, actually (I am hinting at something...) :P It's good. The only possible improvment I see is the "a thousand years ago" is quite cliche, but thats just my opinion. Otherwise, I think it is really captivaing, informative and strong and you've managed that in 112 words.
The only sentence that to me seems awkward is 'There they found in an alcove, the Great Three.' The rest is excellent. Flows well, is snappy and is exciting. Just make that into a book now, as Vestie says :D
I'll just post the small edit for the above paragraph here:
Yes, this paragraph is aimed at a quick-ish blurb type paragraph.
Edit.2: i'll put any other edited parts related to this paragraph in this post.
Ohh ohh ohh. NOVEL! Quick quick quick - someone add WraithKing to Prodders before he gets scared and runs away. Once his in Prodders, he's ours. Ours forever!! [act]throws head back and shrieks with laughter. Hiccoughs.[/act]
Ahem. What I was saying was that works very well. Maybe just stick a comma after 'many Gemtangs there'. (Sorry - if you posted more words, I wouldn't bother looking at punctuation :P)
Wait, which law are you referring to, and what constitutes as a full-fledged novel? Nah,I kid, I will hopefully keep adding more to this. Off to the dark thinking corner!
Edit: Done, and any suggestion/criticism is good for healthy development
Suggestions like 'JOIN PRODDERS NOW!!!' And Vestie's referring to the law that says you need to obey without question all people whose OberNames begin with V or D :nods:
UNLEASH THE KRAKEN!!! [act]flails[/act]
Okay, you have big scary monsters, I am instantly interested. And yes JOIN US!! O_O
Of course there are big scary monsters, what kind of book would it be without them? And only if there are cookies baked in the darkside. ;D
Of course, there are darkside cookies! What else would somewhat mentally dsturbed writers eat when they are busy destroying character's lives. :nods:
[act]mental note to never allow WK to read her plotless book[/act] Shonk, distract him with your work. No Krakens (yet), but lots of action. So, WK, as well as darkside cookies, you also get access to the most awesome plot you can ever imagine, in the form of Shonk's epic set of novels. How can you NOT consider joining us??
Then count me in, and dont blame me if the amount of destroyed characters lives is in direct proportion with the amount of darkside cookies :)
But I don't have Kraken's either WHY DON'T I HAVE A KRAKEN? [act]flails[/act] No! I was wrong! Don't join us WK! Not until we can obliterate our writing! [act]scampers out[/act]
I could offer up an appeasement to me having a Kraken and you not having a Kraken. You could have a Leviathan instead?
[act]narrows eyes[/act] I see what you did there!
On a somewhat related note--I love your signature! Best line of that season.
WK - just PM ariadne and she'll be able to add you to Prodders.
(Shonk - do we get a prize for forcing the most number of people to join Prodders in the shortest period of time ever?)