Dakosha, nice writing. The first one is powerful visually which is good but its kind of muddled in places, for example,
And only a couple people can help
but they really can't help according to the following lines. I'd also break some of the longer lines down a little and change the format, though I know that is hard on here. Try it in a word doc, see if you can make it look like a funnel of sorts, a 'real' whirlwind.
Whirlwind
I’m caught in a whirlwind,
Of fear,
anger,
sadness,
and frustration.
I can’t pull myself out,
And only a couple
people can help
But when they look,
I have to fake a smile,
Cause I couldn’t stand to see
the scorn on their faces,
and wonder,
amid my fear,
anger,
sadness,
and frustration,
why I call them friends.
Then I look around,
And see no one else,
And wish I did.
But even if they did see
I needed them,
They wouldn’t come,
Because they are too busy
fighting their own battles,
Between themselves.
Battles that leave scars,
That are always felt,
But never enough
to kill.
And I know,
That I will
be the one
to drown,
Because no one
else is around,
And I can’t pull
myself out of
a whirlwind.