11 years ago
Sun Mar 10 2013, 05:30pm
thanks for that advice... I'm about to try it :D
11 years ago
Wed Mar 13 2013, 08:22pm
Bertrand ( first draft of part 1)
My name is Bertrand, you could say I’m an unlucky, poor thing, dragged into all sorts of unfortunate situations; I like to think of it as adventure. I should probably start at the beginning, or as close to it as I can manage, hmm let’s see…where to begin ….maybe...? No ….oh, that’s right.
I was lying in a ditch, right outside of town; I’d just had quite a tumble and was waiting for someone to find me or to help me along the way. That’s when I heard it, it woke me from my daydreams, such a horrendous voice; singing, it was very loud and very rough. I’m not even sure he was getting the words right. Then I saw him, he was a complete mess; stains at his knees and hair all over the place, pant legs wet from walking through wet grass. I knew before he did that he needed my help, then I smelled him, and I almost changed my mind. What he needed was a bath... maybe even two.
That’s when he spotted me; he stumbled closer to get a good look. Then he quickly reached in to help me out, maybe he wasn't a lost cause after all. Then he promptly followed me right into the ditch, landing beside me on his hands and knees I changed my mind, again.
“You know, I fought my luck had changed when I saw you,†he slurred out slumping back onto the ground lazily. He was amusing, I will admit. “I fought maybe; just maybe luck was on ole Harry’s side today. I fought I’ll pick this ole boy up and he’ll buy me a drink to fank me. No, no, not for ole Harry, now we both need a hand.†I stayed silent through his barely coherent drunken ramblings for as long as I could, but he was so pitiful already, I could hardly make things worse.
“A drink’s the last thing you need, my boy.†I said and I saw his eyes go round as saucers and his mouth pop open.
Oh.. did I mention, I’m a gold coin. I was enchanted and now I can talk and move on my own....somewhat. I know it’s dangerous to reveal myself and the poor sap might end up in an asylum, but at least he’d be clean.
“Let me explain†I started and he backed up, scooting as far back as the small space would allow from me. He put his head in his hand and muttered.
“oh Harry wat ‘ave you gotten yourself into, maybe there was somefin in that water you drank earlier. That would splain it, ain’t no other splenation for a talking coin. Even if it is a gold one.†I shook my head.
“Really Harry, do you have to refer to yourself in third person all the time, you don’t see me sitting here going, oh Bertrand almost got crushed by a drunken farmer.†His eyes flew back to me and he reached for me, picking me up on his palm and staring at me. I sighed, always with the distrust.
from the prompt - magical object. hoping I will finish this into a medium-long length story depending on how I go.
hope you enjoyed it ... even a little :)
Mystic Ward
11 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
very entertaining. I enjoyed the humour.
Mystic Guilden
11 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Well, you certainly surprised me with Bertand's identity. I'm rather intrigued to see how an enchanted coin gets by....I can't see much going his way really. A nice initiation to the story. And I like the way you wrote Harry's speech, gave it that little something extra to 'hear' his way of speaking :)
Bertrand's sense of irony is wonderful! I don't think I've ever read a story from the POV of a coin before. I'd love to see how you develop this :).
And Harry is a pitiful specimen of manhood, isn't he? Poor bloke.
That was really fun. :D I like Betrand. If I had picked him up, I don't think I would spend him. Just keep him around for some giggles.
thank you everyone :D
Deb; I just have to (try to) make sure I keep the humour going through it :)
Ariadne I'm really glad you liked Harry's speech I wouldn't usually risk it :)
and DargaFleas I tried to write as a coin in year 12 for a creative writing task and I couldn't now that I have the 'magical' aspect I thought I'd try again : )
me too Sionainn :)
all goes well I should have some more of Bertrand and Harry's adventures tomorrow or maybe even tonight :D
Bertrand (part 2)
I waited for it to register, for him to understand, he’d actually followed on remarkably well for, well for Harry.
“So you’re finkin’, that if’n we play flips, me usin’ you as me coin, an we win some more coins, that we could weinvite me into someone new?†See, he was listening.
“Firstly; it’s re-invent you, and yes I think it is entirely plausible that with some major readjustment from an intelligent and experienced man, well coin, like myself that you could become an entirely new man.â€
“scuse me, but what’n do you mean?†he said his big face scrunched up like he’d eaten something sour, or I guess, like he couldn’t understand at all, so much for going well.
“Harry, didn’t you ever want more from life? When you were a boy surely you wanted something more than this. What did you want?†He thought for a moment, I could tell by the way that his eyes shut that he was taking this very seriously and thinking hard.
“Oh! I always wanted te be a sailor, travel the world, meet lots a diffent people but that ain’t niver gonna happen.†I thought for a moment… sailor, I could work with that.
“What if it could? What if I could help you clean up, teach you proper English and make some coin to go on the next ship? Would you want that?†His face lit up, a huge smile threatening to devour his whole face.
“Excellent, just do whatever I say†I felt myself swallowed whole by his excitement, which lasted right up until; we actually had to start working on ‘cleaning up’.
Under my suggestion we turned around and went back to his ‘cottage’, which he greatly exaggerated about; it was more of an abandoned shack really, to plan. After a tiring argument, well that’s if you can call a well-informed, practical suggestion being refused , over and over again, on some childish notion that ‘soap was for girls’, really what king of savage society had I come to. Let me assure you right now, soap is not for girls; it is for any self-respecting, considerate person or at least any person who wishes me to help him. Where was I again, that’s right after a tiring disagreement, we began to work on speaking like a person rather than, well Harry. It went something like this.
“Bertran, why do I hiv to change all how I talk anyway? Won the ovar sailors know what’n I mean?†I waited; we’d already been through this at least a dozen times. It was a few minutes but he sighed and started over.
“Bertrand, why do I have te… to, change, won’t they undersand me?â€
“Understand! St, like in star or stale; like that bread on your counter.†I almost apologised when he looked down crestfallen at my harsh tone and truthful yet hurtful observation on his food. Then I thought, isn’t all this help apology enough?
“Harry now that we’re… acquaintances, you need to start behaving like a civilised person, so that I don’t go insane. Yes, they would probably understand your uneducated, undignified, painful speech but is that any reason not to try to be better it?â€
“Well… yeah. If’n I don’t need it, why do it?â€
That was the beginning of what I don’t doubt was the longest, most exhausting, most agonizing night of my entire life.
2 things.
1 I apologize for spelling/grammar mistakes ... I will be getting it checked by a friend next week and then any more of the story I put up will be checked (hopefully)
2 I know boring title... I'm working on it
2 part b :P ... I know it's a LOT of dialogue but that's just to establish the characters
