Ok, new poem!
You Are Someone
And here's another one...
I Don't Fear Death
Gone to another site, hopefully to be published one day.
Ok, tell me how you guys like them! There are more poems i am working on at the moment, but i need to fix the chinks i've found.
My goodness, i turned on Pandora Radio on my computer.... On comes Carrie Underwood's Starts With Goodbye.... Never heard it before, but it's so beautiful!! i looked up lyrics, then played it again from her website.... AND WROTE A POEM!!!! lol, here it is. Please tell me if you all like it!
Looking forward to how you guys like it... :D
Dakosha, you write such lovely poems! !lol I think my favourite must be 'You Are Someone'. Keep on writing!
I agree with Meza whole hardheartedly.
Cant wait to read more of your work!
Very nice. I especially like 'I don't fear death'
Thanks you guys!! I finally finished this poem... though it looks more like a song.... o well. Tell me how you guys like it!! And a title would be nice.... lol, any ideas?
Thanks for reading! Tell me what you do or don't like about it, please.
Hey guys, new poem up!! Please tell me how u like it!
Too Far Gone
And another one..... Needs title, though.
My goodness, today is an awsome day for writing.... Here's the poem, PLEASE tell me how you guys like all of these!!!!
Your poems are so beautiful Dakosha :) I especially like 'Yours' and 'I Know' :)
WOW, they are really lovely poems Dakosha. You have a really talent for emphasizing emotions. For some reason i particularly liked Too far gone. I think it is because it seemed almost like it had a small story in there as well. keep up the good work!:)
New poem!! please, dont be afraid to tell me if u find anything wrong with my poems, ever! I always want to know how to make them better!
Thanks for reading!!
Ok, just some random poems, please tell me what you think might need some tweaking, or even big changes. Here they are!
And this one....
The cause is right,
But the people are wrong.
The cause is lost,
But they still won’t change.
They pretend it’s all ok,
But they fear what they don’t want to know.
They know the cause is lost.
They know the people were lost from the start.
Please tell me what u think!!
Another poem.... some comments? please??
I make a mistake,
Every few steps,
But every time I stop to fix them,
I get pushed further and further,
From that goal I can no longer see.
Then I remember what I have to do.
I just have to sing,
Cause it will make it all better,
It will make the world look perfect,
Even if it’s just for awhile.
Every time I find myself,
Broken and too tired to fight.
I just have to remember to sing.
I just have to remember to sing…
So remember to sing,
For the world,
For your life.
Thanks for reading..
I like Sing Dakosha, it's very nice, and rather lyrical in places :)
Ok, another poem... Tell me what you think!!
Thanks for reading!
Ok, another poem! pleeeease tell me what you guys think of it!
Only one thing i might change... do u think i should change it from green as an emerald to green as the ocean? would that work better?
Come on guys, i really need some input! this is kinda getting depressing :( I put up poems, i may or may not get a good job... but no feeling! Maybe i'm just a little picky..
Anyways, here is the poem!!
Pleeease tell me what u think.
Sorry Dakosha! I do read your poems, and all of them are very lovely in writing. :) In Moon's Song I really like the first three stanzas. The rhythm and repetition of 'midnight' make a nice image to set up for the next two stanzas. They seem to be differing in flow, but the message is nice and the last stanza especially has an eerie profoundness.
Thnak you sooo much, Fate. I see what you mean by different flow, but i think i wanted the poem to almost slow down. You know, just fade out? lol, pls tell me if i'm crazy. Do you think i should change it?
I see what you mean about slowing it down. If you don't feel it needs changing, don't. There's a very good mood going on in the entire poem and the ending kind of fades it out, like you said. It's very nice. :)
Thank you fate :)
Here is another peom, for you all. please tell me what u like, and/or don't like. Thanks for reading!
Dakosha, your poems are amazing! The only reason I could come up with for the seeming lack of response is that after reading something so beautiful anything we could write in reply seems a futile effort.
I really love your style, the way your verses flow even with different patterns and rhythms. I just cannot do it myself, my poems have to be really tightly structured, so reading yours they seem so natural. I love it!
Thank you so much Thalia. It's just nice to know someone is reading them, and likes what im writing. :)
I think your poems are beautiful in their own way, too.
Dakosha, I also read all your poems but don't often comment. If you asked for specific comments I would be happy to, but it gets a tad boring saying I like or good after each one. Also the love poems, while ok, are not my thing so I'm probably not the best person to comment on them.
I think you have a good sense of rhythm in most of them but really you are the only one that can say, this is finished. One of my tutors said that you should re-write a poem up to six or more drafts, but if you are happy with them, well that's all that matters.
Keep on writing for yourself and if you have an issue with some part of it then ask specific questions. :rolling: