So I've been AWOL- Moving house, writers block and sucky wireless internet all contributed
Silence
This is me, screaming in your ear
This is me, screaming in the wind
This is me, screaming in the darkness
Can anybody hear it?
This is me, screaming for a difference
This is me, screaming for a change
This is me, screaming in your ear
Can somebody help me?
Every day is a repeat of the one before it
Every day starts just as grey
Every day is another trapped in my own mind
And I’m screaming.
This is me, screaming in your ear
This is me, screaming in the wind
This is me, screaming in the darkness
Screaming without a sound.
The repetition in this poem is awesome Hannai! Just hits home how distraught your speaker is. This is very powerful!
Beautiful, in a somewhat chilling kind of way. ;)
wow, i love it.... so hauntingly beautiful!!!
I really liked that! It was as though you were challenging someone. My interpretation was that by writing the poem you are screaming at them without your voice but with powerful words that cut as deep as your tongue would. Very good =D
11 years ago
Wed Aug 08 2012, 09:13pm
Thanks guys- I think this stemmed from people telling me that they 'understand' and 'you just need to...' and giving me all these neat pre-packaged answers and replies to what they think I said without actually hearing that I was saying something different.
Like explaining something over and over yet the listener still gets it wrong.
something new... not that I've gotten much writing done lately.
Inspired by a friends wedding (pretty obviously) and not at all like i intended it to be when I started.
Wedding Day
You’re so happy
Shining in the dawn, waiting
You’re so radiant
Bride all dressed in white
Quiet surf
Cold air
Solemn words
Everyone smiles now
Claps and cheers for you both
There’s music and food
Toasts, speeches
Friends and family
Gather around
And its love
That’s filling the room
And its joy
That’s filling our hearts
Wave goodbye
Off you go
Your future is beginning
This poem is lovely, Hannai. Full of hope and happinesss. Sounds like a very successful wedding!
One tiny typo in last line: you're -> your
whoops! I'll fix that right up!
So I was AWOL for moonfair because I was shifting house (again!) but I did squeeze in some writing.
Falsehoods
I keep making promises
I know I'll never keep
Tomorrow will be different
I'll get back on my feet
It's one thing to lie to myself
When I know
The words are false
Please don't ask me for the truth
Because then I'll have to know
I'm at an impasse
Stuck fast with reality
Facing the possibility
This could be the limit
This could be as good
As good as I'm going to get
Far from my potential
Stunted by this disease.
Wow. I love it, i love how you rhymed with it, which i always have trouble doing, but the rhythm is very very cool! I really like this poem, and it's talking about something i often think about...
I agree with Dakosha, Hannai. Uncomfortably powerful. I know I have those fears, too :P.
I really love the way you write, Hannai! Very emotive and impressive. Your words stand out because they are bold and distinguished. Eg., in 'Falsehoods'
I'm at an impasse
Stuck fast with reality
Facing the possibility
This could be the limit
This could be as good
As good as I'm going to get
Such strong and empowering words!
Wow, so I've been reading some of your stuff, and Hannai, may I say they are very, very good! You should be proud, because your works manage to hit us deep inside and allow us to really feel what you're portraying. :)
Wow guys- thanks for all the amazing feedback!
Its some kind of wonderful to know that people out there like my scribblings.
Two AM
I feel the urge
To take up my brushes and colours
To swirl the paint
Across canvass
Until the combination becomes
More
More than the sum of its parts
For colours to blend
Fuse
And in that fusion
For meaning to be born
More than the image
More than the words
More than the whole that it is.
I love the concept, Hannai. So true for both art and writing - just a few colours blended together, or a few words strung together, and you can get all sorts of imagery :).
Love the way you describe things!
I love your poems Hannai, especially "Falsehoods".
Your writing is amazing (I haven't read much of it, but what I have have been awesome), and I look forwards to seeing more of your work.
I really loved this part of "Falsehoods":
It's one thing to lie to myself
When I know
The words are false
Please don't ask me for the truth
Because then I'll have to know
It really speaks to me, like how we lie to ourselves because we just can't bear to see the truth. Amazing :)
Your most recent one, "Two AM" is really good as well, I enjoyed the structure you used when writing it, that kind of structure speaks to me :P In a weird writery kind of mucked up way ...
Wow, Its been a long time!
I've moved house again (three times in 1 year is my limit!) and had computer problems so that didnt help.
So this was my reaction to being sexually harassed via SMS; Ive removed two stanzas to keep it site appropriate so if it seems a little odd that's why.
Also no, I have no idea why I used Dr Seuss as my inspiration.
I will not meet you in a bar
I will not meet you in a car
I will not meet you on a train
I will not meet you on a plane
I do not care what you say
Or that you apologized for the other day
I do not care what you wear
I will not meet you anywhere.
Mystic Ward
11 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Nice. I hope it has been sorted out now.
Ha ha - Dr Seuss put to GOOD use. As Deb says, hope the person is leaving you in peace now.
Glad it was ok even with part cut out.
The problem is not resolved yet, but its in the hands of the police now- they just cant seem to find the guy!
Here's something I wrote way back in 2002 (year 10, eek!) Was talking about titles the other day and made me think of this.
Sirocco
An ill wind blows
On humble abodes
And grand mansions alike.
Disturbed birds take flight
Upon feeling power building
That the wind is wielding
Running before an unknown storm.
People hear the warning horn
Adults start, children take fright
They stay inside tonight.
I like it, it's simple, and it does feel like something... that was written earlier in your path of writing. Ty for sharing.
That was really awesome. Succinct. I loved it =D
I like it, although I would offer the following constructive critique. There seems to be something in the syllabic structure that I think is a little disconcerting.
Because the poem goes
4
4
6
The next line of 5 'Disturbed birds take flight' reads like it doesn't belong.
I feel like it would flow really well if you maintained a similar syllabic structure all the way through
10 years ago
Wed Jan 29 2014, 12:42am
Oh Larana, you have hit upon syllables- the one part of writing I lothe more than my inability to spell. Sirocco was written back when I was 15; I am now in my (eek) late 20's and still have trouble with counting/hearing syllables even with the clapping out method.
Anyways something new I wrote lastnight? (Ive been sleeping days and up nights, it makes keeping track a little squiffy)
Imbalance.
You are always
On my
Mind.
And it’s amazing
I can think
At all
Between missing you
And wondering
What the future
Holds.
Sometimes I know
The answers
It’s the questions
That are
Mystery.
And though I
Have the lyrics
There is no
Music
And so
There is no
Song.
How can there
Be balance
When half of
Me is
Absent?
27/01/14
Mystic Ward
10 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
nice. I feel like that a lot.