Yeah, I agree with Kaylan. Perhaps you could use the bird idea for your title. I think it would fit nicely :) It's a really nice poem, I like it.
Thanks for the comments guys... i don't know, lol.. what about something like Why, Love? or ... i don't know, lol, i have such a hard time if i don't think of the title first... i like the bird idea, but, i don't know, i almost want to make a poem for that idea, not use that idea to describe this poem...
does that make sense? anyways, thanks for the comments, glad to know people like my poems.
So, any thoughts on Why, Love?
(it's kind of growing on me, lol.)
I now have a new poem/song, lol.
A - Girl
I - Boy
B - Both
Come Back
You’re with your friends,
Acting,
Like you don’t have a care,
In the whole world.
I care.
I look for the signs,
That something’s wrong,
But not a single one,
Comes to say hello.
I hope.
I have to wonder,
Did you ever love me?
I love.
I care about us,
How our hearts are tearing,
And I wonder if you,
Will ever come back.
I can only hope,
That we will someday,
Come back together.
You know, I love you,
Just like I’ve always loved your smile,
And the way it shines,
Lights up my day,
Just enough for me to,
Come back,
Come back to you.
I just have to hope,
That you care enough,
That you love enough,
To come back to me.
You’re hiding behind your hair,
Like you do,
Whenever you get scared.
I care.
I know you’re peeking out,
Looking at me,
But I can’t face you, not now.
I hope.
I just have to wonder,
Did you ever love me?
I love.
I care about us,
How our hearts are breaking,
And I wonder if you,
Will ever come back.
I can only hope,
That we will someday,
Come back together.
You know, I love you,
Just like I’ve always loved your smile,
And the way it shines,
Lights up my day,
Just enough for me to,
Come back,
Come back to you.
I just have to hope,
That you care enough,
That you love enough,
To come back to me.
I just can’t take it no longer,
I’m frantically searching,
For your smile,
For your eyes.
I found what I’m needing,
I know I care,
I know I hope,
That you do, too.
I love you, darling,
No doubt about it.
I just have to wonder,
Do you love me, too?
I care about us,
How our hearts are leaving,
And I wonder if you,
Will ever come back.
I can only hope,
That we will someday,
Come back together.
You know, I love you,
Just like I’ve always said I do.
I love the way you shine,
Light up my day,
Just enough for me to,
Come back,
Come back to you.
I just have to hope,
That you care enough,
That you love enough,
To come back to me.
Come back to me.
Oh, I love you darling,
I’ll be waiting,
Just come back,
Oh, come back,
Yes, come back to me.
Pls, tell me what you think!!!
I'd love to hear that spoken or sung out loud. It's lovely, Dakosha, and I think all those short abrupt lines are really effective.
That would be lovely as a duet :P You should sing it with someone. It's funny, 'come back to me' makes me think of Robbie and Cecelia from Atonement :P
thanks so much guys. it means a lot to me to see that ppl like my poems. i've been confused lately, and started alot of poems, but i just can't get them to make sense, lol. i'm going ot have to go back to them and look again, maybe i can get the pieces to fit. i finally have a new poem (which is why i can say i might finally be able to get my poems to work again).
Anyways, here it is, tell me what you think!
I’m An Open Book
I’m an open book-
I show every cut,
Bruise and scar;
But no one sees.
I’m an open book-
I try my hardest,
To do my best;
But no one cares.
I’m an open book-
I say what I mean,
In words or on my face;
But no one looks.
I’m an open book-
Just look inside,
I’ll show you what I need.
You just have to read.
I’m an open book -
Yet not a single person knows me.
Thanks for reading. :)
It's beautiful, Dakosha! It's got a lonely sort of vibe to it - makes me think of how people just tend to rush around without connecting to anyone any more. And again, I love your short sentences; they work so well!
I hope this poem gets you on a roll again! I'd love to read more :).
I agree with DargaFleas- its beautiful.
Poignant is probably the word to use.
Alright, i've been working on this one off and on for a while.. tell me if anything doesn't sound right, pls!
A Side of Me
There’s a side of me,
No one knows,
Though I wish they would.
They all see my front,
The side that smiles,
And laughs.
Like everything is ok.
The side that cries,
When hurt.
So they can think they’re strong.
There’s a side of me,
No one knows,
Though I wish they did.
The side that knows
To be calm in a storm,
When others are frantic.
The side that knows,
To wait patiently,
For that moment of truth;
That will never come.
There’s a side of me,
No one knows.
I wonder what they’d think.
The side of me,
that swallows every punch,
then holds them as they cry.
The side of me,
That shows every verbal bite,
That they forget about.
The side of me,
That hides all my tears,
So I can forget about pain.
There’s a side of me,
No one will ever know.
It’s too me.
The side of me,
That shows every scar,
But won’t give up.
The side of me,
That cares about it all,
Way too much.
The side of me,
That wants approval;
Accepting the fact,
That it will never come.
The side of me,
That one day,
Will shed its front,
To reveal the truth.
There’s a side of me,
No one knows.
I hope they do soon.
As always, thanks for reading. I should be able to post my new short story soon, too.
It sounds perfect, Dakosha. I love your writing.
That is exactly the sort of poem I needed today. It is beautiful. Thank-you.
That story is like a poem as well! Those short sentences of yours are working really, really well again. Such torment and regret - this story cuts deep. I'd love to write like you do.
(and there MAY have been a tear or two in my eyes by the time I finished reading; but I'm not admitting to anything :P)
Mystic Ward
12 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Nice, and yes almost a poem in itself.
I just love "A Side of Me"
its beautifully written.
Keep writing so we can keep reading!
well, aparently no, i can't finish these poems, lol... im staring at half of a poem next to me, and i have about 3+ half poems saved on my computer...
thanks for all the comments, tho! Im glad you guys enjoy my writings. :)
I'm trying my hardest to finish SOMETHING, lol.. i'll be sure to post it when i do!
12 years ago
Tue Feb 21 2012, 11:58am
Muahahahaha! i wrote a whole poem!!! it's not half done, it's entirely done!!!!!!!!!! lol, anyways, i was sitting down looking at half done poems, and titles i had thought up with a couple lines to go with (but forgotten the lines by the time i wrote it down.) One of the titles was Beautifully Dangerous (not sure if it was meant to be a peom or a short story, lol.) I started writing under it, and trying to rhyme, (as i almost never do,) and this is what came:
(wow, that was alot of parantheses.. <<P )
Broken
You took my breath away,
With every word that you said.
I’d have given my life for you;
But I needed to start over new.
You are my past,
I left you last.
It all went wrong,
Now all I’ve got is a song;
But it’s broken, too.
Edit: Wow, another poem! i'm so excited!!!! lol.
Music
A dance of beauty,
A painting of sound,
A drawing of simplicity;
This is Music.
A reminder –
Of days when her laughter,
Meant everything to you.
A remembrance –
Of days when his eyes,
Were the light of your world.
This is music-
The flow of life,
Just as a song.
This is music-
A moment of wonder;
The chorus of it all.
Music is everything;
Just as life is a dance,
A painting and drawing.
Yet music isn’t life;
No, it’s life that gives us music.
Pls, tell me what you guys think, and as always, thanks for reading!
Nice work.
Though I'm not sure how writing a poem warrants the 'evil laugh of doom' |:| not that i don't appreciate an evil laugh now and then.
Amazing work, I love 'Broken' especially. :) Totally warrents evil laughter....
12 years ago
Tue Feb 21 2012, 03:46pm
OMG, I can't believe how you can convey so much in so few words! I love Broken. And Music is beautiful, too. Love your work :).
New poem... and i'm not sure it works. It seems to flow like a song (atleast to me) but it's written more in the format of a poem. I'm not sure it fits. What do you guys think?
Waking up
I’m finally waking up,
To every word you said.
I can’t believe how long,
How long I could take it.
I can’t believe how long,
How long I held on.
When all you did,
Was break my heart,
And make me cry;
But now I see,
You’re not the one for me.
I thought you’d make me whole,
But now I’m just broken.
My world is upside down,
But I guess my world isn’t you.
I can’t believe how long,
How long I ignored the signs.
I thought you’d make me whole,
But now I know…
I’m better off,
Without you.
I’ve finally woken up,
To every lie you told.
well, as always, thank you so much for reading! Hope you guys liked it.
It feels like a poem at first read, but I think many poems can be put to music :). This poem makes me angry at the guy who made the girl feel like he was the centre of her universe and then treated her like crap. (OK, possibly this comment is a bit sexist... :)). Extremely evocative, regardless of the gender of the speaker! Amazing as usual.
I love the lines "I thought you'd make me whole, but now I'm just broken."
New poem. Not sure how i feel about this one, it seems to have a different flow than i am used to. Any opinions?
Remember
Remember that day,
We danced and laughed.
Remember that day,
You made me yours.
Remember that day,
I promised you forever.
Just remember,
I love to see that smile shine.
Just remember,
I love to hear your laugh fix it all.
Just remember,
I love to feel you by my side.
Remember love,
I’ll hold you tight.
Remember love,
I’ll keep you safe.
Remember love,
You are mine, too.
Remember boy,
I love you.
thanks for your comments, and thanks for reading!