Leaving - Part 1 |
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Chapter 7 |
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| I like it here, in the dark. I suck it into myself, filling my mind with emptiness, feeling the fear, pain and responsibility drift away. I am safe. Then, a memory catches, not wanting to leave. I look at it closer, realising that the pain contained within is inextricably entwined with overwhelming love. I sense that this is the reason why I am embracing the dark numbness. Curious, yet fearful, I allow it to fill my mind. I remember. Hair like black silk, intense dark green eyes, soft lips, a rare golden laugh. I remember. Dark secrets unshared, mysterious journeys, leaving never to return. I gasp, heart overflowing with love and loss. I try to push the memory away again, release it into the absorbing dark, but I can’t. I struggle with an impossible choice. To forget, be free from the pain and loss and fear, but also to loose the memory of love and light and laughter, the meaning of my life. Or to remember, cling to the bright moments of times passed, but face the bleak knowledge that it is gone. How can I choose when either option is unbearable? How can I live when either way means loosing her? She/ElspethInnel was never yours/Rushton’s. She dwelt/stayed with you for a time, but she has a greater purpose/quest/fate that must be answered/fulfilled. So preoccupied was I with my internal struggle, I didn’t notice another presence join me in my refuge until the mindprobe inserted itself into my mind, evoking thoughts of stone, wind, thin air and feathers. As the meaning of what the voice said sinks in I shink into myself. “But I can’t… I…†You/Rushton must let her go/leave, and alone. But Obernewtyn/baraud needs you and, until then, so does she/ElspethInnel. Just remember, your time together is almost at and end, so make use of what that which remains. Now, wake/rise, and remember. I feel a strange lightening sensation, as though I am floating upwards, the dark turning grey then white around me. |
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