13 years ago
Sat May 22 2010, 04:25pm
Ok my name is Nefertiti and these short stories are excerpts from bits of writing iv done over the years. Its not completed most of the time but I would love to get some feed back.hope you enjoy!!! :-"
This is part of my practice story for english, please tell me what you think. ;D
Pocket box
A small creature jumped from one roof to the next making no noise. The majority of the houses lay crumpled on the ground, blackened walls of the houses around these dumps were thickly coated with smoke and dirt. The streets were deserted and no light showed through the windows, not even the moon broke through the silent darkness.
A thick darkness hung around the house like black material thrown over a bird cage.A young boy walked slowly through the streets keeping to the walls and blackened doorways. He slid one hand around the handle of one of the houses and pushed it open, slipping through quietly. He looked around slowly taking in the little he could see. The smell of past burnings filled his nostrils and chocked his throat, His lungs burning from the stench.
Quickly slipping up the stairs the boy turned down a narrow hall lined with burnt paintings and photo's. At the last door he turned in and his mind flooded with memories of a long forgotten child hood. It almost hurt to remember these dusty memories, but he shifted them away with a shake of his head. Kneeling in the dusty grim the boy slid his tan, calloused fingers until he found the small rise of the loose floor board. Prying it open and Lifting it up he slid his hand into the crevice and pulled out two objects, one a old silver locket with a tarnished chain and the other a small blood red box with intricate gold patterns.
Smash!! it sounded like plates smashing on a stone surface and it was followed by voices.
HE WAS TRAPPED!!!
This is a piece of writing about a room in one of my dreams (yes I know it probs sounds like im a loon but I love writing my dreams or places from them) feel free to be harsh, I cant learn if I don't know what I did wrong.
Library of old
Large oak doors cut thin so as not to be to heavy were carved with intricate patterns. Mythical creatures leapt and pranced and flew all over in a swirling mass of lines and shapes. They opened onto a large room that took up about half the lower floor of the old house. Everywhere you looked books lay in piles or on over crowded shelves and at the far right corner a fire raged, licking the walls of the chimney. Like everything in the room it was over loaded and gave off immense heat. An old arm chair was placed near it looking into the heart of the flames. A window as wide as half the room let in a warm glow of gold evening sunlight. The wall paint was pealing off and fading with the light and decomposing tapestries hung on with rusty nails. It was home.
Mystic Ward
13 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Interesting themes here, dreams make wonderful stories. The first sentence of Pocket box doesn't work with the rest of the paragraph, perhaps move it to the start of the second paragraph where the boys walks into the house. Other than that I think its good.
I agree with Deb. You should move the first sentence of the pocket box to the start of the second paragraph because it doesn't really fit into the first paragraph. But, a great start. :D
13 years ago
Wed Jul 14 2010, 09:18pm
This is a section of a Story im writing at the moment. The story is called living mythology and its about a young girl who discovers she is not entirely human, her parents disown her and the family who saves her adopt's her. This is her adoptive father talking to her about there species purpose and I suppose mythological history. Moon cats are named so because there fur is midnight black/blue and the tips have colours that resemble the moon's light.
...Lucas spoke softly as though voicing the existence of the creatures was enough to bring a full attack " in the beginning humans were scarce and moon cats were even more so, but the planet was populated by animals, birds and fish and all other creatures, some don't even exist any more. the humans believed we were the cause of many deaths and worshiped creatures they called angels. these creatures were the true murderers and brought death to the small villages.' he took a slow breath as if these words unsettled his life-force. i looked blankly out the window turning these thoughts over in my mind. it was so confusing considering my upbringing said angels were messengers of god, but then again those same people rejected me because of my true form.
Lucas began to speck again so I focused on him" our leader at the time said that we would fight these demonic creatures even if we were blamed for there behaviour no matter what. He was wise for all his age and we have been doing his will for many years, centuries and decades. Our people have territories found beyond the sites of humans, but I and ellie have not returned for years" he looked at me sadly "I have a feeling you will have to go there one day, but it wont be for a wile so best forget about it. That is all, go find your mother" he then bent over his papers again.
When he finished I went out to the kitchen and found ellie. It deeply troubled me that maybe he didn't know all of the story but the best i could do was wait for him to reveal more...
Thanx Shadowchild... sometimes I make really weird mistakes and when I read over them I don't notice. Really appreciate it though. Yer I do have more I will need to type them up though. Thanx though for reading my stuff :-"
...Living History...As the sun set over the shear cliffs edge, a winged creature glided over the evening breeze. It was so beautiful, no he was so beautiful, but so deadly...
don't worry about, i have tests i do and when iget them back i go "WHAT????" i didn't write that or why on earth did i write that?? you never know what i'm going to write at any time, i'm just so, so random, a i get sidetracked so easily. ;D anyway like the spoiler
13 years ago
Thu Apr 07 2011, 05:16pm
Thanx :roll:
Ok here is some of a story that iv recently been writing (i know im juggling with other stories but i got to write things when it think of them). Funnily enough i got the idea from Miley cyrus's newish music video, i think its called can't be tamed. you may diss the song but think little cuz i only got the idea from the images not the song as such 8-|. oh i must worn you the spelling is a little rough because i copied it straight from my document thingy and i haven't finished editing it. please help me out as im kinda stumped as how to better write it. [act]sighs[/act]
OURANOS Avians
This is like a intro to the story and the main point, like the story Aldara has said...
“On the outskirts of town there is this group of orphaned or runaway teenagers. They have like, um... I suppose you could call it a gathering, were they hunt and they have this ritual thing they do. Its said that they have massive wings and each have a gift or ability.†Aldara spoke softly to her little sister. They were on a bus heading inland, to their farm home. Evania moved her head so she could see the old lady behind them out of the corner of her eye, who appeared to thoroughly dislike children talking. “what sorts of abilities? Can they talk to animals or can they... um†Evania loved her sisters stories, but this one had a different feel about it like her sister had herd this from somewhere other than her imagination and believed it. “well, I think some can talk to animals but I think most of it is like coercion; which is were they can influence peoples thoughts or trick them to do something without them knowing. Or understanding the earth and plants, things like that,†the bus turned around a bend and slowed to a stop. A car was waiting and the two girls got off the bus and walked over to the car. “hay mum†they both said as they got in.
AND THIS IS FROM the first true chapter...
The sky boiled and twisted in a mess of blood red and bruised clouds. Over three hills to the West the fading light of the sunset lit the hills and clouds closest to it in a rose pink and gold light. Birds swooped and circled the thick bush in a crazed dance looking for shelter for the nights storm. A young girl of about sixteen sat on the grass leaning against a large gum tree, her legs were crossed and her hands were folded over a book. She watched the birds swooping and listened to the slow rumble of an approaching storm. Her caramel hair blew about her and whipped her cheek, lifting her hand to move the hair, a gold ring glinted in the fading light. The ring was small and had no jewel or protruding stone but was covered in detailed patterns, swirling and twisting into shapes of birds of all kinds. The girl studied her ring and noticed a new bird, of course it was only one she had not noticed before, she thought, it can't have etched itself.
“Aldara, your mother want's you to come in!†called her grandmother. Aldara picked up her book and walked up the slight hill. As she reached the glass sliding door she looked out over the valley and scanned the skies but the birds had all settled. “Ally what are you doing?†Evania broke through her dreamlike state and pulled her to the present, “This is no time to be admiring the sky, Puck has gone missing!†sighing Aldara moved through the door and began to search for puck, the small kitten that her sister Evania had found the weekend before. “ were did you last see him Eve? Im sure he has just gone to sleep somewhere,†her little sister gave her one of those looks that say you're so brilliant aren't you, sighing again she started searching bedrooms. After two hours of searching and trying to calm Evania their grandfather came out of the study carrying the little kitten “Were did you find him pops?†pops is what evania has been calling their grandfather since she could talk. “In the study, he had climbed up the bookshelf and was in a box of old books. I think this is yours Nara†as he handed me a wooden box he whispered with a grin “I don't think your mum wants you to now about it so keep it hiddenâ€. Nara which is her middle name and the name her grandfather thinks should be Aldara's name, means dearest one, he apparently gave that when she was born and has used it ever since. Aldara gave him a grin and hurried out of the room.