Ehhe...
I know there were plans to re-write the story and just do it in an OC style, but when I checked out the OC script it was just so hilarious...so easy to take the mickey out of.
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SCENE 1
At night on a dark street two young people (Jes and Elspeth) approach a carriage. There's graffiti on the walls and this doesn't look like a very nice neighbourhood. Jes raises a lump of wood to smash the window.
Jes: I'm your big brother. If I don't teach you this who will? There's a very exact science to smashing a carriage window.
Jes smashes the carriage window. Elspeth jumps back. Jes waltzes up to the horse, holding a bag of feed he got out of the carriage. Then hops up to the driver's seat.
Elspeth: (looks over his shoulder uncertainly) I don't know, Jes.
Jes: (shouting) Quit being a little whiney-...Get in!
Elspeth steps up to the drivers seat, but hesitates.
Jes: (shouting) Yeah, come on!
Elspeth looks back down the street as a bunch of soldierguards ride by. She pauses, not getting in.
Jes: Come on. Let's go Elspeth!
The soldierguards yell out something in their direction, and we hear the clip-clop of horses hooves. Elspeth quickly jumps in the car as Jes grabs the reigns and shakes them. Elspeth looks worriedly back at the soldierguards chasing them.
Jes: (amused) You should see your face, girl. (laughs) Whoo! Yeah!
Another soldierguard faces them off but Jes turns and avoids it. The chase continues. A soldierguard tries to jump onto the carriage.
Elspeth: (quickly, seeing they're about to collide with something) No, no, no, no, no!
They skid and slam into something. The soldierguards surround them.
Soldierguard: Hands up! Get them up! Hands above your heads where I can see them.
Jes and Elspeth (who appear unharmed) put their hands up.
SCENE 2
In a soldierguard bunker Elspeth is led by a guard through a hallway into a room. Now that we can get a good look at Elspeth we see that she's young (14), raven-haired, tall and looks like a young Ella from Killing Heidi. Seated at a table is Madame Vega, with papers and files spread all over. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is wearing a rich looking cloak. She looks to be in her late thirties to forties. She always seems to have an air of controlled cruelty about her.
Looking up Madame Vega sees Elspeth. The soldierguard lets go of Elspeth and sits her down.
Madame Vega: (stands up, sounding friendly but professional) Elspeth. I'm Madame Vega. The court's appointed me your public defender.
Elspeth looks at her, she doesn't seem very impressed.
Madame Vega: (as she takes her seat again) You could do worse. You okay? They treating you alright?
Elspeth: (avoiding eye contact) Where's my brother?
Madame Vega: Ah ... (looking at files) Jes is over 18, Jes stole a car, Jes had a gun in his pants and an ounce of pot in his jacket and a couple of priors. I'm guessing that right now Jes is looking at 3 to 5 years. But Jes's not my concern. This is your first time in lockup. I would assume you don't plan on coming back. Your reports state...the evil eye, bewitching...(looks up in surprise at Elspeth who is still avoiding looking at her) Your workability is fine, but your record shows various abnormalities ... Elspeth, you're a misfit.
Elspeth snorts, still not looking at Madame Vega.
Madame Vega: Have you given any thought at all to your future? Girl, I'm on your side. Come on, help me out here-
Elspeth: (interrupting but still not looking at Madame Vega) Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be forty years. But, I hear this Herder dogma that said the Great White's supposed to happen again in our lifetime, which means people are going to have to either adapt, or die. So I don't want to commit to anything too soon.
Madame Vega: (laughs lightly) Look, I can plea this down to a misdemeanour. (Elspeth looks at her) Petty fine, probation. But know this: stealing a carriage 'cause your big brother told you to - its stupid, and its weak. Now those are two thing you can't afford to be anymore.
Elspeth: Two more things.
Madame Vega: Do you want to change that? (Elspeth's avoiding eye contact again) Then you have to get over the fact that life dealt you a bad hand. I get it. We're cut from the same deck, Elspeth. I grew up no money, bad part of Sutrium, my father was gone, my mother worked all the time. I was p**sed off, I was stupid.
Elspeth: And look at you now.
Elspeth gives Madame Vega a quick half grin.
Madame Vega: Smart kid like you. You got to have a plan. Some kind of a dream.
Elspeth: (looking Madame Vega in the eyes) Yeah, right. Let me tell you something, okay? Where I'm from having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true, that does.
SCENE 3
Day, Elspeth and Madame Vega stand outside the courthouse.
Madame Vega: Someone from Obernewtyn will contact you to remind you the date for your hearing.
Elspeth: I'll remember.
An old horse squeals around the corner, jumps into a few mud puddles, then comes to a stop in front of them.
A woman gets off. She's dressed pretty messy (shirt hanging off her shoulder, ill fitting sweater half hanging over her) and has lank brown hair.
Elspeth: Rosamunde?
Rosamunde: (angry, yelling) Unbelievable! What kinda friends I got, huh? What the HELL did I do to deserve this? You want to tell me that?
Elspeth: huh? I've barely spoken to you in my life.
Rosamunde: And you'll never see me again, until they're running short on plot lines! I'm supposed to represent the last remnants of your sorry life you dolt, and express my disgust at your petty crime-
Madame Vega: Um, Rosamunde, is it? I'm Madame Vega. I'm Elspeth's attorney.
Rosamunde: You should have left her there, in the cells. Just like her brother's gonna. (Elspeth and Madame Vega look at each other) Let's go Elspeth. (yelling) Now, Elspeth!
Rosamunde gets back in the carriage.
Rosamunde: (yelling) Let's go!
Elspeth: All right!
SCENE 4
At the orphan home, Rosamunde pours herself a drink as Elspeth stands across the room watching her. The furniture looks pretty mismatched and old. There's a few random orphans standing around the room, including a girl with red Seditioner paint on her face.
Rosamunde: (still upset) I can't do this anymore, Elspeth. I can't.
Elspeth: Do what? I've never spoken to you before-
Rosamunde: Enough! I want you out of my home. (Elspeth looks at her) I want you out!
Elspeth: (upset) But...where am I going to go?
Red-Seditioner-Paint-Girl: You heard her, girl. Get your stuff and get out.
Elspeth: Hey, this isn't your house, "girlie."
Red-Seditioner-Paint-Girl: (getting up) Oh, you're a tough chic now?
Rosamunde: Kid, don't. Elspeth just get out.
Elspeth: Why don't you worry about your own fate, you cow? Instead of loafing around listening to other people's conversations?
Red-Seditioner-Paint-Girl punches Elspeth in the face twice.
Rosamunde: Hey!
Red-Seditioner-Paint-Girl throws Elspeth into a table.
Rosamunde turns away and lights a cigarette. Coughs. Throws it on the floor and stamps on it.
SCENE 5
Elspeth ties up her backpack and leaves the orphanhome. The title "The REAL O.C." comes on the screen but there's no opening credit sequence. Elspeth is shepherded into a carriage, and locked inside. Cue the theme song from OC, but instead of bellowing 'California', the singers bleat "Obernewtyyyyyyyyn".
SCENE 6
Elspeth sits on a low stone wall. We can see lots of graffiti on nearby buildings. An expensive black carriage pulls up in front of her. It's Madame Vega.
Madame Vega: Told you. You could do worse.
They ride off. First they go through a very dull and lower class looking area (outer Kinraide). Later they drive through the more beautiful mountains. Elspeth looks out the window and sees teens farming in the fields, picking wildflowers, dancing. Preppy stuff.
Elspeth: This is a nice carriage. I didn't know your kind of scientist made money.
Madame Vega: No, we don't. My partner does.
SCENE 7
They drive through a dark, ominous gate. They pull up the driveway to an enormous and very beautiful house. By this time it's dark out. The song ends. Finally.
They go to get out but Madame Vega pauses.
Madame Vega: Um, you know, why don't you wait here for a minute? I'll be back.
Madame Vega pulls the reigns off the horse automatically then sort of looks like she's trying to decide whether or not to take them.
Elspeth: (sort of rolls her eyes) It's no fun if the reigns are still on.
Madame Vega puts the reigns back and gets out. Elspeth waits in the carriage.
SCENE 8
In the kitchen of Obernewtyn Madame Vega and Alexi talk. Alexi Seraphim is an attractive, blonde man. He appears to be a pretty randomly-tempered man.
Alexi: You brought her home? This is not a stray puppy, Vega.
Madame Vega: I know that, Alexi.
Alexi: It was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons.
Madame Vega: Elspeth's not a felon.
Alexi: Did you not meet her in jail?
Madame Vega: Yes ... technically. But it wasn't for a felony, I mean it was, but it won't be when I'm done.
Alexi: You're endangering our secrecy. Did you even think of Selmar?
Madame Vega: It's only for the weekend, just till the hearing on Monday.
Alexi: What if this is all a scam? What if she's just using you to case the house?
Madame Vega: She's not a criminal mastermind. She's a kid who has no one and nowhere to go. When- when did you become so cynical?
Alexi: When did you become so self-righteous?
Madame Vega: Always been self-righteous. You used to find it charming.
Alexi: She sleeps in Selmar's room. I want someone watching her.
Alexi walks away.
Madame Vega: Where're you going?
Alexi: To put your jewellery in the vault. (pause) Where do you think I'm going? Girl's going to need fresh sheets, towels and a toothbrush.
SCENE 9
Its now totally dark out and Elspeth makes her way down to the end of the Obernewtyn driveway. She takes out a cigarette. She looks over and sees a young man at the end of the driveway on the opposite side, about fifteen to twenty feet away. He's nineteen, strong-built and dark-haired. This is Rushton. At the flick of her flint he notices her.
Rushton: Who are you?
Elspeth: Whoever you want me to be.
Rushton: (with an amused smirk) Okay.
Elspeth lights the cigarette. Coughs. Throws it on the ground and stamps on it. Rushton looks back at the house behind him, trying not to laugh.
Rushton: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
Elspeth walks over to him, gives him a cigarette then offers her flint. He leans close and puffs his cigarette against the flint sparks. Coughs. Splutters. Throws it on the ground and stamps on it. He backs away to where he was standing before.
Rushton: So, what are you doing here, seriously? Apart from trying so hard to look cool to the masses?
Elspeth: Seriously? I stole a carriage. Crashed it. Actually my brother did. Since he had a gun and drugs on him he's in jail. I got out and my orphanhome threw me out. So Madame Vega took me in.
Rushton: You're their new project from Kinraide, right?
Elspeth: Right.
Madame Vega walks up behind Elspeth.
Madame Vega: Evening Rushton.
Rushton: Evening Vega. I was just meeting your new acquisition.
Madame Vega: (looks confused for a moment) Oh. My new find, Elspeth (claps Elspeth on the back) All the way from Aborium.
Rushton: Aborium?
Elspeth: Dad lives there. Mum lives in Kinraide.
Rushton: Hmm.
Madame Vega: So we're all really excited about your fashion show fund-raiser tomorrow night.
Rushton: Really? You are.
Madame Vega: (running a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath) No.
Rushton laughs obviously not surprised or upset by her honesty.
A large carriage pulls up. The driver (a young man - Ariel) calls out the window.
Ariel: Come on, let's go.
Rushton: (to Elspeth) Hey, you should come by, check it out. If you don't have other plans. See you.
Madame Vega: Good night.
Rushton climbs up into the truck and does some secret hand-shake with the driver.
Ariel: (to Rushton) Who's that kid?
They drive off.
Madame Vega: Let's go inside. (they start walking up the drive)
SCENE 10
Elspeth and Madame Vega go into Selmar's room, where Alexi is. It looks more like a living room than a bed room. It's furnished and has light wood floors and the walls are all floor length windows. It's big and very cold looking.
Madame Vega: So this is where you're going to be staying. And this is the Queen of the manor - sorry, did I say queen? I meant Lord of the Manour, himself, Alexi.
Alexi: (sounding polite but formal, like forced friendliness) Hello, Elspeth, welcome to the OC.
Elspeth: Thank you, thanks very much.
Madame Vega: We'll see you in the morning. Make yourself comfortable.
They leave Elspeth alone in the room.
SCENE 11
In the morning Elspeth comes out of the room, blinking in the bright sunlight. She gets a better look around. There's a big maze, and a gorgeous view of black mountains on all sides. Elspeth enters the dining hall and finds a teenage girl sitting cross legged on the floor idly putting too much syrup on her porridge. This is Selmar. She looks about Elspeth's age but doesn't share her height. She's got matt brown hair, an alert if somewhat shifty expression and her mannerisms are kind of jerky. She's a little bit geeky but in an endearing rather than repulsive way and tends to talk rather quickly.
Selmar: Hey.
Elspeth: Hey.
Selmar: Do you want to play?
Elspeth: (shrugs) Play what? Bury the porridge?
SCENE 12
Some time later both girls are sitting on the floor. They look like they've made themselves comfortable and are eating breakfast at the same time as making a puddle of syrup on a table.
Selmar: (quickly, excited) Oh, looks like someone's trying to be a hero but you got a little thingyy. (squirts her syrup bottle) Oh, oh, ... (nearly shouting, excited) OH! What happened to your head, chic? Where did it go? I'm sorry did someone die?
Elspeth: Can I stop now?
Selmar: (forgets about her syrup) Oh, hey, do you want to play Grand Theft Carriage? It's pretty cool, you can like, steal carriages and stuff ... (realizes what she's said) Not that that's cool. Or uncool, I don't know, um-
Madame Vega comes in carrying groceries.
Madame Vega: I see you two have met. Selmar, what are you doing inside on this beautiful day? Why don't you show Elspeth around?
Selmar: (sarcastically) Okay, cause it's so great around here. There's so much to do.
(Selmar frequently uses sarcasm like this but she keeps her tone even when she says these things, kind of trance-like.)
Selmar: (to Elspeth) I don't know, unless, what do you want to do?
Elspeth: What do you guys do around here?
SCENE 13
Selmar and Elspeth are walking through the greenthorn maze. Selmar pulls a rope to guide them with familiarity. Elspeth looks somewhat confused. Sometime later they stop outside of the maze, looking over the gardens, and sit down, talking.
Selmar: I have, um, this plan. Well, I don't-I don't know you'd think but um, next winter the blacklands are supposed to recede, I want to escape. I can do it in forty-four days, maybe even forty-two.
Elspeth: Wow. That ... that sounds really cool, man.
Selmar: Yeah. Just hit the high roads and run til I fall over.
(pause) Just total quiet. Solitude.
Elspeth: You won't get lonely?
Selmar: Well, I'll have Dameon with me.
Elspeth: (motioning to the maze they came through) You're going to escape all this? With a boy?
Selmar: (chuckles) Um, yeah, maybe. He's blind, you know.
Elspeth: He must be excited about running around the blacklands without a clue where you're leading him.
Selmar: Yeah, he has no idea. I've never talked to him before.
Elspeth shakes her head a bit.
SCENE 14
On the farm, Elsepth and Selmar are sitting in an orchard, picking apples. Madame Vega walks down the farm to them.
Madame Vega: Hey, girls. I thought we'd head over to the fashion show at about 7.
Selmar: Yeah, have fun.
Madame Vega: Come on. It's a whole new season, Selmar.
Selmar: It's also the same misfits. Why do they even need a fashion show? Everyday's a fashion show for these people.
Madame Vega: Yeah, well Elspeth has to go. Rushton invited her.
Selmar: (to Elspeth) Rushton invited you? I've around here with Rushton for like, forever, his Dad almost got married to my Mom even, and, like, he's never even invited me to a birthday party.
Madame Vega: That is not true. They did not almost get married.
Selmar: (dismissively) Eh.
Elspeth: Hey, maybe Dameon would be there.
Selmar: That's interesting. He IS Rushton's best friend. (pause) Seven?
Madame Vega: Seven.
Selmar: Seven. (starts walking away)
SCENE 15
Rushton stands out on his balcony. He sees Madame Vega, Selmar and Elspeth walking up the path. He hears the doorbell and goes to the door. When he opens it there's a couple guys in cloaks there. Druid Armsmen.
Armsman: Hello, again.
Rushton: I'm busy.
Armsman: And when will you not be busy?
Rushton: I don't know.
Armsman: (unconvinced) Mmm Hmm. Well, when you have a moment to spare out of your busy schedule, PLEASE remind yourself how much the Druid would like to talk. Have a good day.
Rushton closes the door. He goes to his study, near the front door. Inside is a crazy guy called Loius Larkin. He has a nervous air about him.
Louis: Hey. Kiddo, was that them there Druid people again?
Rushton: Yeah.
Louis: Cloaks. Roughies. Whipper-schnappers.
Rushton: But, I mean, everything's okay, right?
Louis: Yeah, just try keep your head above water, kapeesh?
Rushton leaves.
SCENE 16
In Selmar's room Elspeth stands in front of a mirror and tries unsuccessfully to tie her hair up. Finally she gives up and pulls on her cloak. There's a knock at the door then Madame Vega comes in.
Madame Vega: Wow. Look at that. It fits you beautifully. What about your hair?
Elspeth: I'm not going to do it up.
Madame Vega: I didn't know how to tie me hair 'til I was 25. Come on, give me your hair. (Elspeth turns her back to Madame Vega) Head straight. All right, cloak hood down please. (Madame Vega ties Elspeth's hair into a knot) All right. So, you got to hang out with Selmar. How was that? Was that...? Was that uh, all right? She's an interesting kid if you get to know her.
Elspeth: She's cool.
Madame Vega: (pause) Cool. (pause) Alright, there you go. (finished with hair) Turn around, look at you. (Elspeth turns and looks in the mirror, Madame Vega stands behind hedr) Huh? Beats a jumpsuit.
Elspeth gives a little half smirk. Madame Vega leaves, Elspeth keeps looking at herself in the mirror.
SCENE 17
In Rushton's rooms, Matthew and Cameo primp in front of a big mirror. Matthew is rather awkward looking with a limp. Cameo looks about 14 years old and is all dressed up, hair done.
Cameo: Oh, Matthew, do you like my nails?
Matthew: Oh aye, I love them Cameo. So, we ready?
Rushton comes up behind them.
Rushton: Let's hope so.
Matthew: Rushton ye look ... same as always. Where's yer pig?
Rushton looks like he wants to biff Matthew. Louis comes into the room.
Louis: Okay, lets go.
Cameo: It's going to be so fun tonight.