ACT 1
The Obernet theatre is empty. The houselights are up, the popcorn has been cleaned from under the chairs. It’s opening night and the thrill is in the air.
Enter Min and Tanya. They select chairs at the front of the theatre and sit down at the ready.
Min: I hear it’s a good show. Kayt gave it great reviews.
Tanya: Well, look at the talent involved.
Tanya reads from the programme.
Tanya: Written by Kayt S. Liantuy. Directed by Miss Kayt Liantuy. Starring KS Liantuy (Miss). Produced by El Kayto Sel Liantuya. Featuring music by Liantuy, Kayt. Based on an original idea by Kayt SL. Cameo appearances from a Miss Liantuy and a Kayt L.
Min: No wonder there’s so much snow in the driveway...
Enter MornirKirara, Ariadne and Eilidh. Ariadne carries a bucket of popcorn so large that it conceals her face. She puts the popcorn down on its own seat and sits next to it. The other girls take their seats too.
Eilidh: Isn't that kinda rude, taking a whole seat for your popcorn?
Ariadne: Hey, I bought two tickets, okay. I'm gonna use 'em.
MornirKirara: I promised Norman I'd save him a seat.
Eilidh points.
Eilidh: Look! There's Rex Ficus!!!
Enter Clare and Rilla, followed by the mighty Rex Ficus. They have seats front and centre, specially reserved for them by one Liantuy, Miss KS.
Rex: Woof!!!
Rilla: I know! Look at the lights!
Clare: I heard Kayt did the lighting concept herself.
Enter HotD and Maz.
Maz: Is it true there's a cameo from Edward Cullen?
Min: I heard it was the Doctor.
The audience begins entering so quickly now, that it is becoming hard to distinguish what they are saying.
Suddenly, the lights go down, the curtain rises, revealing the glittery, sparkly set. Everyone checks their programme. “Sets created by Kayt S. Liantuy, esq.â€
Arien: Is there anything she doesn't do? What a talent!
Ness: Shh!
The music starts and the show begins.
Act 2
Enter a chorus line of Herders. They wear spangly garters in different colours, with top hats that match. One long line, they stretch out across the stage.
Herders: We left you last at Obernewtyn
A wolf howling in the night
They came, they saw, they conquered
Gave us Herders quite a fright
Who is Salamander?
A woman from Sador?
Will Ariel be going down?
Will Elf settle the score?
Hello and welcome to The Sneding!
Yes, it's here at last
With lots of loons and catchy tunes!
The end is coming fast
You've got your popcorn and your coke
Paid your small admission fee
So sit right back and just relax
Because here is your Emcee!!!
Enter Kayt
Kayt: Ladies, gentleman, antelopes, squirrels, gloworms, elephants, toilets of a dual flush variety, cheesecakes and large vats of chocca or chocolate mousse! Welcome to The Sneding. The good people of Obernewtyn.net first commisioned to right The Sneding three or four years ago. I agreed on one condition. That I be allowed to make it a big budget musical extravanganza. But my life didn't go well, and the thing didn't get written except for a few songs. But here it is now, for your viewing pleasure...
Herders: THE SNEDING!!!
Kayt: Our story opens in Elspeth Gordie's turret room.
Act 3
Elspeth wakes up, rolls out of bed, opens her mouth and begins to sing.
Elspeth: The hills are alive, with the sound of...
Enter Rushton
Rushton: No. No. We're not having any of that.
Elspeth: But this is a musical.
Rushton: I don't care. No singing.
Elspeth: But what about the herd of singing alpacas?
Rushton: Singing alpacas?
Lead alpaca: You hear that boys? This is our big chance. And a one and a two...
Alpacas: Blue moon!
You saw me standing alone...
Rushton: Stop that!
Lead alpaca: I spit on you, Mr. Master Man!
Rushton: You're all the way down there on the farms and I'm up here. Come and get me.
Lead alpaca: You think you can take me?
Rushton: Lets rumble!!!
Elspeth: No... no... no alpaca fights. I'm not having it.
Fred of Lauren: Is this stuff even scripted?
Kayt: Not as such, no. I'm just writing this stream of conciousness. When I'm done, I'll spell check and that's it baby! I pre-wrote three songs, the rest is purely pulled out of thin air.
Rushton: And remember kids, this girl is why you must always Just Say No.
Elspeth: Your brain on 2 years of sleep deprivation...
Kayt: Can we get on with the story?
Elspeth: Sorry.
Rushton: Sorry.
Singing alpacas: Sorry.
Act 4
It is Guildmerge time. The good people of Obernewtyn are sitting in the Guildhall, throwing paper aeroplanes, chasing each other around the table and generally doing those things you do when an all important meeting is on.
Rushton: Alright everybody, calm down. Miky... put that down. Oh Fian... that is disgusting. I don't EVER want to see that again young man. Are you listering to me? Hey! We all saw that, Gevan. Oh... sorry Dameon.
Dameon: The classy thing is to ignore it when you say stuff like that.
Rushton: Hey, I'm classy.
Elspeth: Then why did you come to Guildmerge with your clothes all soaked.
Rushton: I may have been pushed in the pool... but that's not important right now. What's important is...
Elspeth: Maryon. Really! You're old enough to know better. I don't care if she did start it. Do I have to seperate you? Because I will.
Rushton: Now, as you all know, we have a very important bonding ceremony coming up. It's important because it involves me, Rushton. And I guess the fact that Elspeth is the protaganist in this series makes her presence fairly key too.
Maz: The fourth wall!!! It's gone!
Roland: Oh no... they're looking adoringly at one another.
Gevan: They look like they're about to kiss...
Fian: It's worse. They're going to break into song...
Garth: DUCK AND COVER!!!
Elspeth: I always hid my heart away
I tried not to feel
Made like it wasn't real
Couldn't let him steal
My heart away
Rushton: I did my best to make her see
To let her know
I loved her so
Couldn't let her go
Make her see
Elspeth: I wouldn't take the love he gave me
Kayt: A love song! Oh dear Lud, please save me
Elspeth and Rushton: It took a million years or more
Of awkward pauses, feeling sore
It took a million years to fall in love
It took forever, so it seems
To find our path, fulfill our dreams
We've waited all our lives to fall in love
Rushton: What matters is she loves me now
Although it didn't happen quick
Kayt: And I'm going to be sick
Elspeth must be really sick
Rushton: Loves me now
Elspeth: I can't look past those deep green eyes
Though I never show it
I'm in love I know it
As long as I don't blow it
Deep green eyes!
Rushton: This love hit me like a comet
Kayt: Sorry guys, I'm gonna vomit
Elspeth and Rushton: It took a million years or more
Of awkward pauses, feeling sore
It took a million years to fall in love
It took forever, so it seems
To find our path, fulfill our dreams
We've waited all our lives to fall in love
Kayt: I can't believe I'm hearing this
Elspeth's gotta be insane
I said it once and will again
Poor Dameon is in such pain
I'm hearing this
Elspeth: We don't care about objections
Rushton: You may find it rough
Elspeth: We love each other, that's enough
Rushton: If you don't like it, that's just tough!
Kayt: About objections...
Elspeth: I gave my heart, I let him take it
Rushton: Now I know we're gonna make it
Elspeth and Rushton: It took a million years or more
Of awkward pauses, feeling sore
It took a million years to fall in love
It took forever, so it seems
To find our path, fulfill our dreams
We've waited all our lives to fall in love
The rest of Guildmerge emerge (I made a rhyme!) from under the table.
Angina: Is it over?
Miky: At least they didn't rope us in to playing for them
Angina: Well, there is a whole orchestra down there
Ness: THE FOURTH WALL!!!
Miky: That tuba player looks like...
Elspeth: Shh!!! He's incognito.
Act 5
Enter The Pig
The Pig clears his throat, claps his trotters and begins to sing.
The Pig: Falsely accused!
Unfairly maligned!
I'm just your average pig working nine to five
Trying to keep my struggling little family alive
They came at me with their pitchforks
Right out there in the foyer
Why does everybody think I am the Destroyer?
Falsely accused!
Always scrutinised!
I put myself through the University
You humans say you want a little diversity
But you're always blaming me
You think I'm the villain
If you wanna talk about this, baby I'm willin'
Falsely accused!
Totally despised!
Rejection on my credit card application
No pigs allowed down in Grand Central Station
Look at yourselves there
Just leave me alone
I'm just a little piggy tryin' a' make it
On my own...
INTERVAL!!!
Awesome Kayt! Great songs!
And I love that Ness just pops up in random places :roll:
This is pure talent! Oh you must go on!! I want to know whether they will cook up the pig for breakfast!
The Sneding! Yay! Brilliance, Kayt. You must make the soundtrack, so that I can sing along... :P ... the weird thing is, I'm very serious. That would be so cool!!
