Dreamweavers' Guilden
13 years ago
Dreamweavers' Guilden
Rebel
Hi everybody :)
So, thought this would be a good thread for everyone. When you do NaNoWriMo, you can put snippets of your work on your profile page for everybody else to read, so i thought we should have the same sort of thing here ;D
So. . . Have a snippet your partically proud of? or need some feeback on a certain chapter? or simply looking for inspiration for your next part in your story? Place all snippets in this thread, and people can give you feedback?
Sound easy :) Good, Have fun with it all :) I am actually going to put my first snippet here:
“I was going to ask you why you didn’t join the ‘rich’ crowd and what you thought of Head Mistress Clarkson†He said, without looking up from his book. Ophelia placed her hands on her hips and glared at him, refusing to answer. He finally looked up at her, and seeing her expression he sighed and closed his book, before turning to face her. “Sorry, I just wanted to see how you would react. You’re not like the rest of the rich crowdâ€
“Well, of course I’m not†Ophelia replied with an easy smile. Jay rolled his eyes. “I am much, much cooler than the rest of them†She flicked her hair in much the same way as Annabelle had done before, making Jay laugh. “But seriously Jay, I am not like them. I don’t think I am better than everyone else, or even assume I am. I don’t like to flaunt my money. I have learnt in the past that all that does is get you friends who will turn their backs on you in a second. I would rather have friends who told me I was being obnoxious or bitchy or that this dress makes me look fat, and that one makes me look beautiful. I don’t want people who gush and say how awesome I look even though I am having a bad day, or who bag on the girl sitting in the corner with her hood draw up who must be a loser because she doesn’t look like the rest of us. I am happy with friends like Sophie and Brian and the twins, and maybe even you if you weren’t so worried about protecting me all the time. I can only ignore it for so long you know. And as for the Head Mistress, whose name is Sharell by the way, she is just doing her job, she would be more than happy to let down the barrier and try to become friends with her students, or the guardians, but she is too worried that something might happen to one of them if she doesn’t keep the pretence up, so she does. So really Jay, as far as I am aware, you are the only one who is behind, because unlike everybody else, and that includes Annabelle and Joey, you are the only person I can’t get a reading off!â€
Wanderer Ward
13 years ago
Wanderer Ward
Dreamscape Artist
I like it Bam! :) I want to know who the guardians are! :P
Intriguing! I'd be interested to see how these characters develop throughout the story. Share more soon! :D
Wanderer Ward
13 years ago
Wanderer Ward
Dreamscape Artist
Sounds interesting Ashta! I'm loving the time setting already! :)
Another snippet :)
[ligne][/ligne]
We sat there waiting for my father to return. Gallia sat beside me on the couch. I held her hand in my lap. She gently stroked and played with my hair. I welcomed her nearness, her breast touching my arm. A sudden heat swelled in my cheeks and nether regions. I gripped her hand, startled at my reaction.
Ninnia gave a whimper and her eyes opened. Her tanned brow was creased with pain.
'What do you need?'
'Wa'
'Water?' I finished and hastily put the cup to her lips again.
We continued like this for a couple of hours. Ninnia drifting in a state somewhere between sleep and pain. Gallia's presence pressing in against my senses in an inexplicable way. I continued to give Nin water every time she awoke. When she needed to relieve herself, Gallia helped me sit Ninnia up and helped her to hold the bedpan.
It was strange seeing Ninnia in such a compromised state. I had never her seen ill like this and incapable of being self-sufficient. When she opened her eyes I could see beneath the wash of pain a faint trace of resentment and feeling of failure.
[ligne][/ligne]
Does anyone else have more snippets? I'm sure I'm not the only person who would love to read them! :D
Well I'm excited to read more of yours Ashta!!
Hmm, a snippet from mine then...
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Eolande ran swiftly and quickly down the narrow, deserted street. The sun was high, and the tall buildings casted long shadows, keeping the little lane shrouded in darkness. She could hear her footfalls echo softly off the walls. Her pendant thumped against her chest, and her plaited hair thumped heavily against her back. Eolande was fast, and she knew it. She’d spent years on these streets mastering the art of invisible and silent travel. She was confident that she wouldn’t be caught, and smiled smugly to herself. Suddenly, her skirt snagged on an old metal pipe, throwing her backwards onto the floor. The yells of the city guard grew closer, and she cursed. Standing, she tore herself free, slipped her pendant into her blouse and took off again. She burst into another bustling market street and melted in with the people. She turned her head back to watch as the guards stumbled into the street, looking around desperately for her. They began pointing and moved in different directions, splitting up. Eolande ducked slightly and kept her focus forward. The market was crowded and the noise was overwhelming. There were people everywhere, trying to sell everything; a woman was selling beautiful, exotic woven carpets, another selling baskets of oranges and lemons. Eolande was knocked about as she pushed through the crowds, trying to escape the busy market.
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