Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Sat Feb 04 2012, 05:31pm
Mystic Guilden
Mage
I didn't get around to making an update thread last year, but I'm hoping to be able to use it this year.
So far it's not so good....unless I can count answering questions for my Cert IV in retail, or writing my Christmas gift list :P
But I had a brand new direction sweep me up just before OberNo started, and it's still rattling around my head. So [act]fingers crossed[/act] I will be able to get something written before the end of December :)
[ligne][/ligne]
As of Feb 4th 2012 I have a total of: 2,187 words (That's a new PB :D )
That's the spirit! :D (Plus aren't Christmas gifts much more exciting? :P) You've got all summer to get the idea down, so keep at it and enjoy the process :) Do you have a goal that you're aiming for?
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Thanks Fate :)
My goal (word wise) was to reach 10,000 words for the combined months of December and January, and if that went well, another 5,000 words for February.
Outside of that, the other goal was to begin piecing my little tidbits of story together, so that rather than having stories about several different people, it will become several different people in the one story :)
I did a little bit of editing last night, and am ready to use my day off on Thursday to add to what I began in November.
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Thu Dec 15 2011, 05:22pm
Mystic Guilden
Mage
You know, when the first line that comes to your head is "She smiled, and it was all cruelty and malicious intent." that something is about to go down. But so far my brain hasn't elaborated. I don't even know who the 'she' referred to actually is! [act]sigh[/act] My stories love to toy with me :(
Ah, well at least you are getting lines down . . . even if it is only the one.
Wanderer Ward
12 years ago
Wanderer Ward
Dreamscape Artist
I love that line Ari! :P Do you know who she is yet?
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Not really, though I have an awful feeling my poor Ranger is going to cop another battering :(
It is a fantastic line, if I may say so.. ^^;
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
I Have Words!
1,283 of them to be exact :D [act]happy dance[/act]
This tidbit came from pretty much nowhere. The first line was inspired by a song I was listening to, then Iowan stamped her presence on the scene and that was it. Now it's more of her back story. So I have officially broken my 2011 OberNo drought. Woo! :P
Here is a what I wrote, if anyone is interested in taking a peek. (Please note, this hasn't been edited at all, so it's still rough and possibly grammatically incorrect, most likely spelled appallingly :P )
[ligne][/ligne]
The course bark rubbed bare skin, and a spider navigated its way across the toe of one boot before vanishing into a small hollow in the branch Iowan was lying on. Leaves rustled softly in the slight breeze, dislodging droplets of water, some of which soaked Iowan’s hair and clothes. A small rivulet of water rand over one arm.
It wasn’t cold despite the steadily falling rain. The afternoon had remained balmy despite the change. The wind had retained some of the heat that had plagued the air for the past three days, making the rain a welcome reprieve. Iowan was aware her clothing was becoming heavy with damp, but simply didn’t care. Her mind was in another time, another place.
The afternoon sky was rapidly darkening as storm clouds heavy with rain rolled in like a great wave. The heat of the day was fleeing rapidly before the front, and the wind stilled as if holding its breath in anticipation. A great gust of cold wind warned of what was shortly to come, followed by a flash of white light. A moment later thunder clapped in the distance and the wind doubled its effort. Another flash, another clap and the heavens opened, sending down a flurry of icy rain drops.
Iowan had been taking part in a Ranger training exercise under the eye of Ranger Master Astat. He was a tough Master, but Iowan had always preferred his leadership style to any other Master in the Faction. She also enjoyed the exertion and challenge of training, but today, when the rain began to fall in earnest, she silently thanked the goddess for answering her prayers.
Shortly after the Ranger’s had begun their training, a group of young men from the Assassin guild had entered the square and made themselves comfortable on the steps leading to the training hall. Among them, much to Iowan’s delight and dismay, was Malau. The Assassin had given her a warm smile as he settled himself down on the middle step. Iowan simply rolled her eyes in return, but was more unsettled by his presence that she cared to admit at the time. Throwing herself into training seemed the best course of action, and in the beginning it had worked, up until she stole a glance in Malau’s direction to ascertain if he was watching her. It had only been a momentary distraction, but a moment is all it took. A male novice who was playing the part of an enemy archer knocked an ink arrow and fired, hitting Iowan in the side. Before she fully realised what had happened, a second ink arrow struck her thigh, as a second novice-come-enemy pressed their advantage.
“Iowan!”
There was no mistaking the anger in Astat’s voice as he shouted Iowan’s name. It made everybody come to an abrupt halt, everyone that was except for the group of Assassins who could be heard laughing and catcalling from their position on the steps. Afterwards, Iowan realised it was as much his frustration with the group of boys as well as his anger with Iowan that led Astat to punish her. He was making an example of her, clearly annoyed that several of the female rangers were distracted by the presence of the boys. He stripped her of the red sash proclaiming her Patrol leader, and gave it to Cardon who was yet to receive an ink stain. Iowan scowled at the novice who had shot her first.
“If you didn’t want to lose your leadership position, you should have concentrated on leading your Patrol and not on what those (Idiots) are doing. You’re demoted to rank and file for the duration of this exercise. Once we’re through, you will return all the equipment to the training hall on your own. Understood?”
Iowan had nodded meekly, feeling her cheeks burn with shame and anger. However, worse was yet to come. Astat had taken several steps in the direction of the training hall, eyeballing the young Assassins with an irritated glare.
“If you insist on disrupting my training session, then you can at least make yourselves useful. Each of you has volunteered to play the enemy, take a weapon and form a line over there.”
Despite the haughty look on some faces, all the boys picked up weapons and formed a line without a word. It seemed that even bad [censored] Assassins respected Astat enough not to question him.
Some new rules were implemented, before Astat set the Assassin line on a march toward Iowan and the other Rangers. Despite the uneven numbers, none of the Rangers were anticipating an easy fight. Though still young, the group of Assassins had more combat experience than a large number of the Rangers put together. That, and the fact that it was a heavily close combat situation meant that the likelihood of the Rangers winning was slim. Not that Iowan was concerned with winning; she had just wanted to regain some of her dignity, preferably by leaving bruises on several of her opponents.
Iowan was pulled from her revere by the sound of voices nearby. The people talking weren’t close enough for her to make out what it was they were saying, but the tone of voice implied the conversation contained little to excite an eavesdropper. It wasn’t long before the voices were swallowed up by the sound of falling rain. Again, Iowan let her mind flow back to the memory of training with the Assassins.
Initially the Rangers had been unsure how to proceed against the Assassins, letting themselves be psychologically beaten before the fight even really began. It resulted in them being on the defensive for a long time before Cardon threw out some orders in an effort to change the progression of the fight. Iowan had to admit, it was a good attempt, but the execution was a little off. It was then that she had an idea of her own, and began a sweeping assessment of her fellow novices. While she was mentally sorting her people into two groups, one of the enemy, an Assassin called Jobe, took a swing at Iowan with his training sword. Clumsily, she managed to dodge the blade but had to kiss earth a moment later when he aimed a strike at her chest. A quick roll to the left followed, as she anticipated Jobe’s strike at the ground where she’s previously been lying. Another moment later and Iowan was back on her feet, an ink arrow aimed at Jobe’s heart. A look of shock had crossed his face, like he couldn’t quite believe she’d knocked an arrow that fast, but he quickly regained his senses and renewed his attack, only to be engaged by Cardon, who was now wielding his bow like a staff.
Frustration was not a useful tool, Iowan had realised. The Assassins were dominating the fight, and despite her burning desire to take down at least one of the guy’s who’d laughed at her, nothing Iowan did slowed them for long enough to give her an edge.
Just as she hit desperation, the heavens had opened and the deluge began.
Astat called an end to training, and in moments everyone had fled the training quad, leaving Iowan to complete her punishment by putting away the now saturated equipment.
It hadn’t taken her long to do, but in that short time she’d become wet and miserable. And misery loves company.
Iowan looked up at the sounds of someone entering the training hall, expecting to see Astat. Instead, she watched as a dripping and smiling Malau walked in, training sword in hand.
“You forgot one.” He said, putting the sword in a chest with the others.
[ligne][/ligne]
Not the battering I thought it would be. Seems the cold malicious woman is taking a back seat for a while......
Mystic Ward
12 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
It's great Ari. Can't wait to read more.
Wanderer Ward
12 years ago
Wanderer Ward
Dreamscape Artist
That's really intriguing Ari, I love it. And as soon as I started reading it, I completely forgot that the part in italics was a memory. It really draws you in :)
Wow, well written! And I love the concept, too. Looking forward to more excerpts :).
Ashlings' guildleader
12 years ago
Ashlings' guildleader
Dreamscape Artist
I love this Ari!
I really like the way you contrast the weather between the scenes, and the way you break up the memory with what's going on in the present. I'm left wondering about what's brought on this burst of reminiscence. It's wonderful!
I like your writing style and love this little glimpse! Like others have said, really liked the descriptions of the weather, worked well with the piece. I am intrigued by Malau! Excellent stuff, keep it up!
Like pretty much everybody else, I loved your work with the weather. The only thing I want to say in criticism though is that I kinda wish you would use that great descriptive voice you have going for your characters--or at least Malau. Personally I hate character descriptions in books, well really extensive ones anyway, but I think for this piece of writing, having some small acknowledgment to what Malau looks like would be a good way to get a sense of his character and Iowa's perspective of him. At the moment I'm left stroking ym metaphorical beard, as I try to assess whether you want me to like him or not?
Apart from that your writing is really lovely. It's descriptive but at the same time has an informal edge that makes it relatable.
I think the fact that there isn't much to go on (description-wise) for Malau makes him the more interesting and intriguing, and we do only get it from Iowan's perspective. For this piece, I think it works well. Perhaps for the next section when we see the conversation between the two we may be able to get a glimpse into his character. At the moment, it seems to just be admiration from afar, and it almost seems as though this may be one of the first one-on-one conversations they've had.
Sorry, I don't mean to argue, but I think this piece works well as it is, and would love to read the next bit!
No, no, no! Argument--or at least disagreement--is good Jossie. :D I think one of the most important thing I writer can learn about their work is that it can always be read and understood differently. It shows were their writing is ambigious, and sometime ambiguity is what people aim for and exactly what they want.
On my first read of this I was under the impression that Iowa had an extreme amount of dislike for Malau, which is pretty much the opposite of your reading. (Unless it is a case of she hates him BECASUE she admires him, in which case we're both right) Re-reading I relised I did not have a lot ot base this on since Iowa's perspective gives us no clue to her feelings or opinion on Malau, other than the fact that she has noticed him. Which pretty much left me with no real idea, and thus why i suggested what I did :)
I love it, Ari! Like everyone above said, the weather description really set the scene. The concept is intriguing too, so hope to be reading more up here soon! :) I also love the main character's name: Iowan. It's very nice.
Regarding the character description, for this particular piece it (or the lack thereof) works nice for some of the characters, especially as most is a memory. Because it's from Iowan's direct point of view, there could be some adjectives to describe characteristics she sees from her mindset (say, because of her feelings about Malau within the dialogue, who seems a very interesting character). It works the way it is however, and I'm assuming these characters would have been introduced earlier in the story? Overall, great work! :D
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Things have been...not so writing friendly lately. Post Christmas has been hectic at work, and just to make the start of the new year more interesting, on new years day Dad had a farm bike accident and broke 5 ribs. So it's either been no time or no energy to write :( [act]sigh[/act] Me thinks I'll be pinning my hopes on February this year. Thank Lud it's a leap year ;)
I hope your Dad heals up okay, Ari. Good luck.
Same wishes from me. Take care!
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
Poor little abandoned thread.
I haven't done so well with my goal again this year (not that i really expected to, I really need to bear in mind that this is the craziest time of year for me work wise, and life outside work hasn't done much to inspire words)
BUT!
After stumbling upon a song on iTunes (yes, I am thanking iTunes for something) I have added 278 words to my slightly-sick-but-better-than-nothing word count.
This was a hard piece to write though. It was a funeral scene, and trying to get the balance right between drama, emotions and character (especially as it is Iowan's story) is giving me grief (no pun intended).
I don't think I'm quite ready to share this snippet yet, but if I manage to create more story around it, I may post it then :)
Oh! And it seems my Characters just rearranged the story a little bit via this scene ::) [act]Threatens them with a rolling pin[/act]
Well done, Ari! It's good to get a complicated scene down on paper. And, naughty characters! Hard to keep the little buggers in line, sometimes :).
How's your dad?
Mystic Guilden
12 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
He's still very sore, but other than missing a good nights sleep, he's doing pretty well. The Dr's are really happy with how he's recovering :) Thanks for asking.