I have had a novel planned for about half a year now and have re-written the first 3 chapter about 6 times, changing the story every time. This seems like the spot to be for motivation and hopefully I can get something down this holidays. My aim is at least 10,000 words by the end of July (hopefully more!). I hope I do end up doing this. So many times this year I have promised myself I would get my novel started, but it just never seems to happen... I am determined to change my ways! :nods:
Good luck, Vestie, and welcome to Writersmerge! We're good at motivation here :). What's your novel about (at the moment :))?
START WRITING IT! START WRITING IT NOW!
Absolutely no pressure, though :P
Good luck Vestie! You can do it! Just sit down and get all the ideas out :D
I'm about to begin.... XD aggggghhhh! I am super excited actually! I'll go through the life of my story.
My story is now about a girl (who was going to be named Vestie... but then 'Vestie' kinda became my pen name, soooo, now she is nameless... awkward...) who created a telepathic ability with wolves by mixing blood with a dying wolf her father had hunted when she was little. Now everytime a wolf dies, she goes into a state of no control, and when she was little, the wolf her father hunted died after they had mixed blood and in her fit, she killed her father. Her mother doesn't know it was her (her...hehe) that killed her father, and she went insane with grief. That's a brief overview of it anyway. Don't ask for the complication because I don't know myself.... I am about to begin!! I hope my story line isn't too lame...
Hey, as long as people are dying its good (hello sadist here). NOW KEEP WRITING
I'm writing, I'm writing!
Heh heh. Sionainn's true colours come out.
And Vestie... writing - yay! That's a very blood thirsty story line you've got there, BTW... I like :).
Good that people are into the bloddthirsty stuff. I am also trying to work some serious emotion in so readers cry for the character (officially named Carling. I thought the name was really cool and it means ' the hill where witches gather'... mysterious...). I love when books make me cry. In fact I love making people cry with sadness. It's one of the joys of writing :nods: . Thanks for the motivation everyone! I actually really find it quite confident to know that people are actually hoping me to succeed. I'm currently on 1,123 words ;D . There is just this scene that I'm trying to finish well, just the words sound to cheesy... ~:|
Mystic Ward
12 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
good start Vestie. Keep going.
Okay. I need a name for something (I'm so bad at deciding these type of things!) . The leading force in my novel is called The Guide, and they are like a government, but they are rather corrupt... hehe. I need a name for the leader of The Guide, but I can't think of anything. I am getting slightly fustrated with my progress today. I have spent thew last couple of hours writing in depth character profiles, which I know is neccesary, but it is so annoying! Aggghhhh!
Nice work with the character profiles. I have to admit, I haven't done that for mine. They're developing themselves as they go along. Sometimes in rather unusual ways.
So, I'm terrible at names, too. I needed the a name for the leader of the society of witches. What I eventually did was stick words (words like priestess, mother, witch, etc) into Google translate (following a friend's advice). I then mangled one of the results to end up with the title I'm now sticking with. Did the same for the name of one of my magic systems, too. Perhaps you could give that a go?
Anyway, don't get frustrated. Sometimes the words flow, and sometimes they don't. There will be good days, though!
Thanks. I'll try that. Your writing is so good though. I've just been reading through all you snippits in Darga's Drivel and I love it. Mine is so cheesy and quite pathetic. It just seems blocky and doesn't flow at all. Plus, I think I have rushed the begining too much, so it just jumps straight into everything. Aggghhhh! I have the ideas, I just can't get them right on paper (well, screen... :P ). I kinda want to post a snippit, but then it is so embarrasing...
I doubt it's as cheesy as you think. Besides, sounds like we're writing different types of stories - yours needs to be more melodramatic, given the subject matter. Mine is more waffly. A lot more waffly... You should see the waffle I've posted in Prodders. Erg.
Ahem. Anyway. I'd love to read a snippet! It is embarrassing posting for the first time, but people here are really supportive and I've found it helps me write, knowing that there are actually people that are enjoying the story :). So post away. And I don't know about you, but I find that it's easier to edit than to write. So I have heaps of scenes where the words aren't right. But at least the ideas are down in some form, and I can continue with the story, knowing I can fix it all up later. Same with the beginning. You can expand later.
Oops, got to get back to my cake (work didn't call me in today, so I have a day of baking and gardening and orienteering, yay!). Looking forward to reading your stuff :)
This is pretty long, and it's completely unedited ... sorry :P It is really REALLY crap, so try not to laugh to hard. It is so predictable and cheesy. I will proabably spend hours just trying to fix this section. Give me as much constructive as you can, cause I need to make this slightly less embarassing for myself. When reading this, try to keep in mind how young I am... ~:|
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"Ma… no, come on. We need to get there before everything closes. Ma, just leave it," I tried to pull her along but she was intent on kneeling in the mud and searching for the coin.
"I'll find it for you," she exclaimed cheerfully, pawing through the brown mess. I sighed as I stooped to help her, pulling my heavy skirt up above my knees. The sooner we found it, the sooner we could move onto the market and the sooner we could get home and away from the Guide.
"Carling, I found it! See, here!" the woman grinned as she thrust her filthy hand out. In it lay the copper I had dropped.
"Oh, thank you Ma! Now, we must go and spend it right away! Quickly; the market will close soon," as I turned away my falsely bright smile dropped from my lips. It was always so hard. I reached out to take my mother's hand and she gripped mine eagerly, humming a quiet tune to herself.
Let us hope she doesn't start skipping…now that would be really embarrassing.
I stifled a giggle. How he could always make me laugh in the most dismal moments. Suddenly guilty at laughing at my mother’s expense, I yanked her along the track so hard that she yelped in pain and shock. I murmured an apology as the market place came into view. My mother immediately threw my hand away and rushed towards the stall that sold threads and buttons. The woman who stood there was used to my Ma and quickly started showing her a long skein of deep green ribbon.
Keep an eye on her, I thought quietly.
I always do.
Somewhat comforted, I headed towards the baker. As I approached, he smiled at me but there was an undercurrent to his smile that assured me that he hadn’t forgotten. Of course he hadn’t. It isn’t the type of thing you forget in a hurry. He never would. Neither would I, actually.
“Hello Carling. Are you having a good week?†to anyone else his voice would sound warm and fond, but I saw through it to the coldness and distrust he felt.
“I am well. I can’t say the same about this weather, though,†this kind of talk was easier than the silence that would take its place. Sarus checked the loaves of bread and announced them not ready.
“So, how are you finding the rising price of milk…?†I asked awkwardly. There wasn’t that much more I could say about the dismal weather.
“It’s making it harder for everyone, I guess. I can only try to imagine how it must be affecting you and your Ma,†I could tell Sarus was embarrassed by our awkward conversation but he covered it well. A few more minutes of forced friendliness passed before the bread was ready. Placing the loaf of hot bread on the wooden counter, he warned me that the bread would be too hot to carry and suggested I take a couple of minutes for it to cool slightly before I left.
Carling, she’s gone off back towards the house. I suggest you follow.“Actually, Sarus, I have to go right now. I don’t want to keep my mother waiting,†I said hastily, scooping the loaf from the counter. The hot crust burnt the tips of my fingers, but I quickly threw a few coppers onto the bench and hurried towards the path.
Sure enough, I could see her figure wandering idly up the hill. Swiping my dark hair from my eyes in frustration I ran after her, tripping over my skirt several times in my haste. By the time I reached her, she was already at the gate outside our house.
“Carling! Guess what!†she exclaimed, not waiting for me to answer before she continued. “That lovely lady at the button store gave me this ribbon! She gave it to me!†she thrust the ribbon I had seen the woman show her around my face. I had to admit, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. She gestured for me to turn around and quickly braided back my wavy hair and finished by tying the ribbon onto the end. She stood back and nodded in satisfaction. I felt a pang of pain. This was the old Ma: the one I knew before.
Don’t. Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have done anything. You had no control…
That’s when I began to cry. It started with small shivers that escalated into a full shudder up my spine. My mother was there, trying to comfort me, telling me I was a good girl.
She has no idea! No idea at all! What I did! I thought in a potent mixture of rage and guilt.
Come to the woods. I’ll be there.
It took me a while to untangle myself from my mother’s thin limbs. She was crying too now, but I am sure she didn’t know why. I knew I had to get to the woods, but she just didn’t seem to want to let me go. I finally managed to get away from my Ma’s drowning sorrow and I walked slowly towards the dark body of trees, trying to steady my rapid breathing. I remember I used to be intimidated by these trees when I was little. I only felt better when my father took my hand and had assured me nothing could hurt us in the woods. He had been right. It hadn’t been the woods that hurt him. I saw movement in the trees and I rushed towards it, eager for his warm fur.
She will get better, you know.
“No. She won’t. She hasn’t gotten better in six years,†I murmured out loud. This wasn’t necessary, but I did it anyway. I felt his soft fur push the underside of my hand, but I ignored him. “You don’t understand! I ruined her, no matter what the reasons! I killed him!†My words were getting louder the longer I spoke. The words I spoke were now hardly distinguishable under the sobs that rocked my body.
You had no control! It wasn’t your fault. He tried to comfort me.
“That doesn’t erase the fact that I killed him and destroyed my mother in the process,†I whispered, finally giving way to urge to snuggle down into his thick, dark coat. He licked my hand as a gesture of comfort and it left streaks of blood up my wrist. It was so simple for them. They didn’t have to take responsibility for those they killed. To them, it doesn’t matter… it’s just a part of life…
Stop it. Wolves have a different sense of what is right and accepted, but that doesn’t make us heartless as you suggest.
I felt another guilty pang. Of course I already knew that.
You didn’t mean it to happen. Surely this makes it better…
Of course I didn’t mean it to happen! I thought angrily, reverting back to mind speaking.
Stop getting angry. Once you get worked up you will take forever calm do-
I’m not getting angry! Leave me alone! I don’t need to talk to you! I screamed in my thoughts.
I could feel Harloe’s body flinch under my arms at my harsh words as I struggled to my feet.
Carling! I didn’t mean to offend you… no. Carling, come back here, now! Stop being so childish!
I decided not to waste my time to respond. I could feel his annoyance as I stumbled towards the house. I wasn’t even sure why I was so aggravated by Harloe, but I was.
I made it back to the house to find my mother still outside the gate murmuring to herself. I sighed as I picked up the loaf of bread from Ma’s lap.
“Carling, do you know what I just heard?†she asked quietly. Preoccupied with brushing the dirt from the bread, I made a noise to demonstrate my ignorance. I still hadn’t quite mastered myself over the disagreement with the wolf.
“Carling, the Guide, the old Lys, his brother…†she’s crying now and this time, for good reason.
“Ma…?†I ask uncertainly.
“He’s back! I, I saw him,†she sobs into my arm. I knew I had to stay calm for her.
“Come on Ma. Let’s go inside. No, it will be okay,†I tugged on her arm and lead her into the dark interior of the house. I continued whispering reassurance to her until she was on the hay pallet that served as her bed. The woman settled down and shivered under the blanket I placed over her thin body.
“He can’t find you here, Ma,†I reassured her before heading to the other end of the room to contact Harloe. I just had to put the fight behind me. This was just so much bigger than that petty argument.
Harloe, I need help, I thought urgently. I had to wait a couple of minutes before I got a response.
So now you want my help? Well I don't want to help you?
How immature can you get? I asked in disbelief.
I’m immature? That’s a bit rich, isn’t it? I blushed.
This isn’t about me. It’s about Ma.
What’s happened? I could feel the urgency rising as we dropped or differences.
The old Lys’ brother has been released! I exclaimed in more terror than I had intended.
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(please stop laughing ~:| )
No-one's laughing at it, Vestie! Applauding perhaps, but not laughing. ;) It's really brave of you to post this up and you shouldn't be embarassed by it, especially since it's a good piece of writing. As I'm not much of a writer I'm looking at this from a reader's perspective. It's great and definitely not cheesy. As Darga said, your story has to be melodramatic because of the plot but you haven't overdone the dramatics. :) I especially like how you've introduced Harloe's thoughts. I found I was reading it because I wanted to know what followed each sentence rather than out of obligation.
While you're editing if you find that you're not happy with it, then don't hesitate to write another version of it. Remember that you're writing mainly for yourself, (and us, your avid followers), so don't settle for any less than what you think works. However, in saying that, don't over analyse your writing. Having the determination and courage to rewrite and refine ideas helps the story evolve.
Keep writing, you've made an excellent start and I can't wait to read more. Consider me a fan. ;)
Thanks Meza! I guess that is reasuring. I'm gonna spend the rest of the day editing probably and then I might do some more planning, horray for me :S . Hopefully I can get some real stuff down this holiday! I'm finding I have to constantly remind myself not to make it too similar to OberChron with the telepathic communicating with animals. Hopefully as I progress, I can explain the connections better...
You are far too hard on yourself, Vestie! I don't know what I was expecting from your intro, but this is neither cheesy, nor melodramatic, nor ... anything bad, really. This is good writing! It suits the story perfectly. I also don't think the introduction is too quick, either, as you suggested in an earlier post. You've beautifully demonstrated Carling's guilt, and the consequences of the murder she committed. Basically, I love it. Can't wait to read more; to learn more about Carling's connection to the wolves.
Well, so far, all good comments. That's got to be good. I hope to get a few hundred more words down tonight and I'll try to get another snippet up soonish. I'm crazy busy tomorrow but Friday I'll be able to do loads more. Does anyone have any ideas for what Carling's mother's name could be (keeping in mind that this isn't set in modern times)?
Google 'Gaelic girl names' or 'Celtic girl names'. You can generally find a few sites that list names suitable for a fantasy novel. Most of my characters have normal sort of names, but I have one called Devyn; his name came from a sites like that.
That was great, Vestie, I'm not laughing at all. I love how even the one snippet is hinting at some of the underlying currents of your story. I can't wait for more.
In terms of editing, have a look at the second last line. At least in this version it looks as though the italics goes for an extra sentence to what it should.
For the mother's name, I second Darga's idea. Two other methods I use are choosing a starting letter then trying to find names that feel/sound like the character, or a variation the name of a minor charactor from one of my favourite books.
Thanks for picking that up that italics thing, Bibliophile. It's not meant to be there. I've already fixed it :). I have decided on a name for her ma. Alainah. I had a look at some irish names and tweaked it a bit so it looked cooler on paper (I added a 'h' to the end, hehe). I also have a list of other names I can use for other characters later on. Unfortunately I didn't get anymore actual writing done today as I had hoped, but I have a lot of background info written down and a list of names, so I have still progressed! :D
Regarding editing, there are a couple of other tiny suggestions I have, too (I was using my phone to answer before, and it was too awkward to type these):
- In the first paragraph: ...Ma, just leave it," I tried to pull her along ... - I would suggest changing the comma after "it" to a full stop. I know you're supposed to use commas before you end dialogue, but I believe that's only if what comes after is the equivalent of "he says" or "she says". Your "I tried to pull her along" is a sentence unrelated to the pronouncement of the dialogue. If you'd said "Ma just leave it," she said, then a comma would have made sense. But in your situation, full stop is better, if that makes sense. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
- Paragraph three: "Carling, I found it! See, here!" the woman. Capitalise "The", for same reason as above.
There are a few more of those scattered throughout your dialogue, too, but I'll let you sort those out if/when you want to!
Regarding italics, in addition to the one Bibliophile noticed, also remove italics from the third sentence of You had no control! It wasn’t your fault. He tried to comfort me.
In the second last line, "or" should be "our"
Oh, and a possible suggestion to update paragraph 6: How he could always make me laugh... Perhaps this might flow a little more smoothly if you removed "How"? Completely up to you, though!
Finally, tenses. Most of your piece is past tense, but this little section here seems to have switched to present:
“Carling, the Guide, the old Lys, his brother…†she’s crying now and this time, for good reason.
“Ma…?†I ask uncertainly.
“He’s back! I, I saw him,†she sobs into my arm. I knew I had to stay calm for her.
Tenses are annoying - I'm hopeless at keeping my tenses straight!!
The more I read this snippet, the more I love it. I can almost picture the poor girl, struggling under the guilt of murdering her father; of having to take on the far-too-mature role of looking after her father; and of also worrying about this mysterious Guide! It's all so effective. This is going to be a wonderful novel :).
Post more!
Ditto to what everyone else has said. I also noticed a few small errors and the like but (also b eing on mgy phone) I won't point them out unless you like.
Alainah is obviously very torn by the incident with her fathers murder yet she shows quite a lot of maturity which seems very appropriate considering what you've said about her involvement in it :P Yet at the same time she still acts and reacts appropriately for her age. It shows you have a good handle of her character.
Oh and a good site for names is behindthename.com. You can even search by name meaning if that's the kind of thing you're into.
and since i haven't used capslock yet WRITE MOOORE
