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Revenge of the Salt-Encrusted Washing Machines!

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Bunne

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19 years ago

Sat Aug 30 2008, 06:42pm
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Bunne

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Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
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19 years ago
A ridiculous endeadvour proudly brought to you by
St. Vincent de Percy Bullant

To read the previous five plays, simply follow this ~LINK~.
Bunne

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Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
Yarra Valley
Posts: 1617
19 years ago
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Bunne

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Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
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19 years ago
Part One
by Sir Gallivant

Our sixth installment of Sustinare Ridiculum's irrelevant enterprise finds us at a lull in Camelalot's bustle and activity. It has been several years since our adventurers last stirred beyond the grime-encrusted walls of Camelalot Castle, and they have grown fat and complacent as a result. Sir Gallivant has barely stirred from his easy chair by the fire, Clarke has been employed as the royal jester and no-one has seen Master Katie since she left on a curious 'errand' which took her alarmingly near Percy Bullant's Famous Bun Factory. Aixe the disgruntled platypus has spent the last few years in exile, biting anyone who dares enter her tepid stream. Prince Winblade, Sir Sam and Sir Cinbin have been lost in a game of billiards in the upper storeys of the castle somewhere, and Luluchu has been collaborating with Aurora on a new design for the van involving red fabric and forest hummus. Mindy Mop hibernates in one of the broom cupboards and Nomes & Tanya were last seen in the dungeons making curd cheese. All has been silent and sedentary....until now.

REVENGE OF THE SALT-ENCRUSTED WASHING MACHINES
Cue: Terminator 2 music.

Sir Gallivant strolls down an empty corridor in the west wing of Camelalot Castle, murmuring softly to himself of his heartfelt wish for a mug of Gob Meck. Enter Dr Hoecules.

Sir Gallivant (warmly): Ah, my good doctor! Why, it's been years. Come, stroll with me.

Dr Hoecules: Hello Sir Gallivant. How goes it?

Sir Gallivant: Good, good. But indeed, who is this curious amphibian perched on your shoulder?

Fred the Seagull: Bah!

Dr Hoecules: My good business partner, Gallivant. You remember Fred the Seagull?

Fred the Seagull: The doctor and I have developed quite a fast food enterprise together.

Sir Gallivant: Really?

Fred the Seagull: No.

Sir Gallivant: Indeed. But wot brings you both to the castle this fine day?

Dr Hoecules: I live here.

Sir Gallivant: That you do. Is anything the matter?

Dr Hoecules: Actually, yes. Guard Munchkin has reported some treasonously suspicious activity on our southern boundary. I think we ought to check it out.

Sir Gallivant: My good doctor, why didn't you say so? Quick, harness the goats!

Several minutes later, the company are on their way through the woods to investigate the disturbance. They have brought Mindy the Mop with them for protection, and Clarke the Cantankerous Cheese Grater for entertainment.

Sir Gallivant (leading his goat around a rotten log): This turn of events be most alarming.

Mindy Mop (nodding): I be a mop.

Dr Hoecules: Indeed. I'm afraid I must concur.

Fred the Seagull: You must wot?

Dr Hoecules: Concur.

Fred the Seagull: Wot?

Dr Hoecules: Eat clag paste.

Fred the Seagull: Bah!

Clarke: That was rather pointless.

Dr Hoecules (sternly): Shut-up and jest.

Clarke mutters darkly but never the less begins to juggle oranges as they arrive at the southern boundary.

Sir Gallivant: Here we are then. But wot is this rubbish?

The adventurers all gasp and bite their left elbows simultaneously as they notice something strange about the scene: the ground all across the border is covered in a thick layer of salt, piled up in heaps at some points and spilling out around the tree trunks. Recently disturbed dust swirls about and hangs in the air.

Dr Hoecules: Great gherkins!

Clarke (ominously): This looks mightily suspicious.

Mindy Mop: I be saying this.

Fred the Seagull: But wait- wot is that sound?

The company all squint their eyes make exaggerated listening motions. The faintest sound of a herd stampeding can be heard, receding gradually into the distance. Then all is still.

Sir Gallivant (gravely): My friends, this calls for urgent action. Summon my Master of Arms! Drag the platypus from her stream and call the others from around the castle. Gather everyone: I call a Public Meeting!

Cue: Dramatic War of the Worlds music.
Bunne

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19 years ago

Mon Aug 24 2009, 11:51am
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Bunne

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19 years ago
Part Two
by the Buneater

All glare at Cue.

Gally: By the tantalising teaset, why did you say that?

Cue: (loooking embarrassed) Um, usually it just happens. I say, Cue War of the World music and World of the Wars music happens. I mean, War of the Worlds music.

Sir Cinbin: Well, it didn't work then.

Dr. Hoecules: I diagnose you are stating the obvious.

Fred the Seagull: So are you.

Dr. Hoecules: Egads! It's an epidemic!

Gally: Summon the good Doctor!

Dr. Hoecules: I'm right here.

Clarke: Curse you all for crumpets. Aren't we supposed to be setting off to do something?

Gally: Indeed! Something needs quelling on the southern borders and, by the half-witted hamster, we're the people to do it!

Suddenly, a footman disguised as a llama enters.

Footman-disguised-as-llama: I am here!

Dr. Hoecules: The epidemic spreads! Haven't you had your innoculations for spreading the obvious, my good man?

Footman: Indeed I have not. I should have thought that was obvious.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Min started to crochet a set of cast-iron boots for Sir Gallivant's new suit of armour.

Min: I did not! I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle of Tim Shaw's new range of scissors.

Sir Gallivant: And my armour's not made of cast-iron.

Fred: What is it made of?

Gally: What does it look like?

Fred: Top Deck foil and a cardboard cereal box.

Narrator: And none of you noticed the spelling error the Cue made earlier.

Gally: That's because we have more important things to do. We're off to see the wizard!

Sir Cinbin: Are we?

Clarke: You lemonless fools, you're off to see the monotreme.

Gally: Well, it's more or less the same thing.

Footman: Ahem!

Sir Cinbin: Yes, I have one on my cloak. Isn't it nice?

Min: Ooh! It's double stitched and everything.

Footman: I said, ahem! I have something to say.

Gally: Well, by the cacophonous clock, spit it out, my good man!

Footman: Some people are here to see you.

Gally: Show them in!

The Footman stands aside and lets the Master of Arms, the bad-tempered monotreme and the newspaper-wielding pokÃ©mon in. They are closely followed by the Proclamator Zalia.

Buneater: What on earth do you want this time? I was just about to reach a breakthrough.

Lu: Hang on, weren't you lost on your "errand"?

Buneater: And weren't you seen wearing a tweed suit last week?

Lu: I most certainly was not!

Aixe: Shut-up, both of you. Where's the ex-prince and your left-hand man, Gallivant?

Sir Cinbin: Alas, they are still lost in their game of billiards. I had to leave when I accidentally bounced the eight ball into a goldfish bowl.

There is a sudden, inexplicable sound of Winblade's voice crying: Ooh! You got it in the portrait of Queen Gusty the Blade!, followed by Sir Sam's voice crying: Yes, but the eight ball's still in the goldfish bowl and I'm not going in there.

Gally: We'll have to send in someone expendable to get them.

Lu: I vote Aixe:

Aixe: I vote Lu.

Dr. Hoecules: I vote that stupid Cue.

Zalia: I proclamate that they are lost forever.

Min: Wait - weren't we already at the southern boundary?

Gally: By the fantastic faraway tree, we were!

Fred: And yet, here we are, back at the castle.

Zalia: I declare that some funny business has been going on.

Nomes: Or that the writer of this section completely missed a vital descriptive paragraph in the section before this.

Clarke: Yes... I remember... salt. And... stampeding herds. And... someone forcing me to juggle oranges.

Nomes: I think you should do it again.

Tanya: When did you get here? Hang on, when did I get here?

Gally: When did we all get here?? All that effort to get to the southern boundary, wasted!

Nomes: This entry has gone on too long.

Tanya: Perhaps I should turn it into a frog?

Nomes: Could you do that?

Tanya: Only one way to find out...

She raises her hands and is about to do something magical, when Gally coughs portentiously.

Gally: Goodness me, do I?

Narrator: (threateningly) You'd better...

Gally coughs portentiously.

Gally: My friends, I have called you all here to announce: we're going on another trip! Again.

Buneater: Oh great. And I just sold my luggage to buy some bun... tastic furniture. Yes, that's it.

Gally: Quiet. Guard Munchkin has informed us of treacherous things afoot in the southern boundaries and it is our bounden duty to do something about it! Again.

Lu: But we never do anything about it. We just dither about and forget what we were supposed to be doing in the first place.

Gally: Well, not this time. This time, we'll make a real effort. We'll get a new narrator -

Narrator: Hey!

Gally: - or we could just give the old one a new lick of paint. And we'll set off right away.

Fred: Won't we need to pack?

Min: You're a seagull - what do you need to pack?

Fred: (looking offended) I have an extensive wardrobe, I'll have you know. We Piscean Seagulls have a certain reputation to keep up.

Gally: No! No packing. And no arguments. We shall all head off immediately, with the exception of the Proclamator.

Zalia: I proclamate that I am upset at this development.

Gally: We need you here to proclamate things if we have need of a convenient proclamatory flashback.

Aixe: What about the ex-Prince and the Left-Hand loon?

Dr. Hoecules: I shall entice them out with a fresh stick of garlic bread and some pickles.

Nomes: Will that work?

Dr. Hoecules: It worked with my cat.

And so the good Doctor entices the Prince and the Left-Hand Man away from their billiards game and the party of loons at last sets off (again). They don't get far before various people start complaining that their feet hurt or that they didn't go to the loo before they set off or that the llamas are looking at them in a funny way. At last, they reach the edge of the sea, which wasn't there in the last plays because it had gone away on a round the world trip and had forgotten the way back to Camelalot. From across the oceans came the sounds of a barely-seaworthy vessel powered by rubber bands and a hard-working crew of mutant pineapples with legs.

Lady Bathmat: I'll get you for this, you cowardly floating pyramid! Don't think I won't!
Bunne

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19 years ago
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Bunne

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19 years ago
Part Three
by Sir Gallivant

Nomes: It's the Lady Bathmat!

Vuneater (calling out): Ahoy there!

Lady Bathmat (calling back): Ahoy there! You just called yourself 'Vuneater.'

Buneater: I did not! 'Twas the Narrator.

Narrator: Carrots and mouldy potatoes! Must I be blamed for everything?

All: Yes.

Buneater: Well, how would you like it if we all called you 'The Varrator'?

Narrator: I'd like it very little.

Aixe: Your bike's name is Skittle?

Zalia: Hey! The Bathmat has just arrived all dramatically in her ship and you're all behaving like iguanas. Show some respect.

Buneater: But aren't you back at the Castle?

Zalia (mysteriously): Indeed.

Gally (calling out): Good Bathmat! Camelalot bids you welcome.

Bathmat: And I bid you all to come aboard and drink some tea.

Aixe: And I bid you all Hear Me Roar!

Luluchu: Shut-up, wretch.

Aixe: Wot?

Luluchu: I said, shut-up wretch.

Aixe: And I said, wot?

Clarke: And I said, who would like some aardvark pie?

Fred: No you didn't!

Prince Winblade: Silence, all of you! Cease the tomfoolery and get on the ship.

There is general grumbling while a mutant pineapple lowers the gang plank and everyone prances onboard.

Luluchu: Who said anyone was prancing?

Varrator: Why, I did.

Aixe (laughing): Bahaha! You're the Varrator!

Varrator: Lies! All of it!

Aixe keeps guffawing but is silenced by a large vat of porridge mysteriously landing on her head.

Lady Bathmat: Well, my dear fools. Wot's the news?

Gally (sipping Earl Grey ominously): Indeed, we have a catastrophe on our hands.

Lady Bathmat: Really?

Buneater: Allow me to explain.....

................to be continued................
clare

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18 years ago
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clare

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18 years ago
Part Four
by Clare

Prince Winblade: Never mind the Catastrophe! Why are those... creatures... blending grass clippings?

Lady Bathmat: Oh how terribly rude of me! Would you like a cold glass of blended grass? One of my writers at Style Magazine recommended it.. did the coverage of the Annual Obernewtyn Awards.

A friendly looking girl waves from behind a blender

She assures me it's the height of trendiness... she insisted on the high bar stools as well. And don't worry about the freshness.. I've just finished mowing the lawn. Well, the Mutant Pineapples (with legs) have finished mowing the lawns.

Buneater: Errm, the HMS Teapot doesn't have a lawn.

Lady Bathmat: Of course it doesn't have a lawn, you Silly Salmon! As I was telling my Potaphant the other day, it was for the express purpose of removing lawns from ships that water polo was invented.

Sir Gally: My Good Lady Bathmat, from whence did the grass come? I think that was the purpose of our esteemed colleague's question...

Lady Bathmat waves her hand in the direction of the pier as she turns to pour herself a tea. All the houses alongside the pier have had their lawns trimmed eerily in five, seven and thirteen sided figures. A resident shakily peers out from behind a drawn curtain.

Fearful Neighbour: Have they gone yet?

Disgruntled Neighbour: I don't know. First someone steals the clothes from the washing line.

---------------------
Back on the Ship
Luluchu: Outrageous lies! I'd never wear something as unfashionable as a Pin-Striped Sandal!

----------------------
Back on land

Disgruntled Neighbour: ... and now our lawns have been mowed against our will. What next? Are the washing machines going to come and salt the earth so nothing can grow again?

Fearful Neighbour: Will making Community Fridge Magnets help?

Disgruntled Neighbour: Couldn't hurt. We should take this to the king. The Council Meeting is....

-----------------------------------

Style Magazine Writer: I believe this shot of grass belongs to... sorry, I don't know your first name.

Sir Gally: I don't have a first name.

Fred the Seagull: Or do you?

Aixe: For that matter, most of us don't even have a last name.

Aixe: Has anyone noticed how quiet Tanya, Nomes, Min and Dr Hoecules have been?

Luluchu: Quiet wretch!

Aixe: Curse Ewe!

Luluchu-as-ewe: Bah!

Mindy Mop: As the only voice of reason here, I'd like to point out that before we stopped for tea, the Lady Bathmat was chasing a Floating Pyramid but it is quite clear that she has stopped for some considerable amount of time to do the mowing and set up a supposefuly Trendy Blended Fruity Tea Bar. I'd also like to point out how disappointed I am that my sole piece of dialogue has been to point out plot inconsistencies.

Buneater: Quite!

Lady Bathmat: Multitasking, my dears. Multi-tasking.

--------------------
Having been refreshed by their Super Plus Revitalising Fruity Tea With Extra Adventuring Boost, the intrepid Questers return to....

Sir Gallivant (ominously): A Catostrophe!

Lady Bathmat: Oh my!

Buneater: Let me explain.

And so they all settle down to listen to the Explanation of the Catastrope again. Behind them, a cow is seen lapping out of the blenders.

Narrator (bitterly): Oh don't worry. The blenders are turned off at the power points. A perfectly good gag ruined because someone informed the Camelalotian Ovine Welfare Society that my bedroom window would be a great place to stage a three week screaming protest.

Prince Winblade: Quiet Varrator! We have important Plot-Explaining Information to explain!

To Be Continued..... unless the Camelalotian Ovine Welfare Society have something more to say.
Gally

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18 years ago
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Gally

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18 years ago
Part Five
by Sir Gallivant

The Varrator hmmphs petulantly

Varrator: And I am not called the Varrator!

Everyone snÃƒÂ¬ggers.

Lady Bathmat: So, ahoy! Pray wot be this Catastrophe?

Clarke: Good Bathmat, brace yourself.

Lady Bathmat: Yes? Tell me.

There is a suspenseful pause

Clarke: ...Luluchu and Prince Winblade are engaged to be married.

Luluchu: We are not!

Prince Winblade: That's preposterous!

Luluchu: Wot rubbish!

Aixe: I demand a refund!

Mophead: Wot?

The monotreme devours her right foot

Buneater: Clarke, shut-up. The real Catastrophe is this-

Another dramatic pause

Nomes: - Uncle Mortimus be smelly.

Uncle Mortimus: I am not!

Tanya: Hey, you don't exist!

Uncle Mortimus: Do so!

Prince Winblade: Pay for my washing machines!

Cinbin: QUIET! Stop uttering irrelevant exclamations and get on with it!

Dr Hoecules: I diagnose this to be a wise course of action.

Fred the Seagull: Okay. I was discussing fast food with the doctor this morning when we received urgent news from Guard Munchkin.

Lady Bathmat: Wot was it?

Dr Hoecules: Munchkin had noticed some suspicious activity going on down near the southern boundary of the catsle.

Lady Bathmat: What is a catsle?

Dr Hoecules devours a microwave

Sir Gallivant: So, knowing it would be best to tell the person of least use in the situation, they told me-

Fred the Seagull:- and we goated down to the boundary.

Mophead: This is all very well, but must you recite the events of the entire previous section?

Sir Gallivant (decisively): Hryug.

Dr Hoecules: Once there, we noted voluminous piles of salt lying around and thought this to be exceedingly strange.

Clarke: And it was then that Luluchu and the Prince announced their engagement.

Luluchu: Rubbish!

Prince Winblade: Bah!

Buneater: Clarke, go to your room. So anyway, the Knight called a public meeting and now we're here with you, drinking fruit tea.

Lady Bathmat: A Catastrophe indeed. Wot do you suppose the salt to mean?

Aixe: My world domination.

Tanya: Toads for all.

Fred the Seagull: Hypertension.

Buneater: We were hoping, good Bathmat, that you might
have the answer.

Lady Bathmat: Very well. I think this is a problem for the tea leaves. You there!

A mutant pineapple runs up to the party

Lady Bathmat: Fetch me my blue lamshade and seven hens in chainmail.

Everyone gathers round the Bathmat

Lady Bathmat: Now-

Suddenly, the party is interrupted by the arrival of a mysterious stranger.

To be continewed
Gally

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18 years ago
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Gally

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18 years ago
Part Six
by Sir Gallivant

All (in shock): It's Queen Skyhawk!

Queen Skyhawk: Wot?

Everyone waves good-naturedly

Luluchu: How did you get here, good Queen?

Queen Skyhawk: Indeed, I heard news of a catastrophe of some sorts. So I thought it best to join the company once more and offer the resources of my illustrious kingdom.

Buneater: Consisting of-?

Queen Skyhawk: Three blue lampshades and a large vat.

All (in joy): Hurrah!

Clarke: We can use the lampshades to scoop up all the salt!

Tanya: And we can store it all in the vat!

Prince Winvlade: Wot? Rubbish! Cease all this sugarey nonsense and get on with it.

Luluchu: I refuse to comply with the request of someone who mispells their name so unfashionably.

Prince Winblade: Bah! That pesky narrator...

Varrator (in a pink wig): Pah!

Dr. Hoecules: Look, are we getting on with it or wot?

Aixe: Wot?

The doctor devours three microwaves

Buneater: Well, now that the good Queen is here we can work on a plan of action.

Nomes: Precisely.

Gally: Prince Winblade. Lay out our objectives. Vinbin, you scribe.

Vinbin (peevishly): Vah!

Prince Winblade: Well. First of all, let us agree that this new tea of the Bathmat's is really quite lovely.

There is a murmur of assent and Lady Bathmat nods graciously.

Prince Winblade: Secondly, are we going to acknowledge all this salt as posing an actual threat to Camelalot, or will we instead go on an irrelevant adventure and accomplish nothing useful?

All (merrily): The second option!

Prince Winblade: I had thought as much. I vote that we take an army of the good Bathmat's mutant pineapples, bring Queen Skyhawk's lampshades and vat, and march onwards back to Camelalot.

Luluchu: I vote that we pickle the monotreme.

Fred the Seagull: I vote that we feast on rubbish all afternoon.

Prince Winblade: I take that as assent.

There is a general mutter of concurrence and everyone slowly files off Bathmat's boat and assembles on shore.

Lady Bathmat: My mutant pineapples will follow behind.

Everyone marches back along the path towards Camelalot. Along the way, Clarke juggles oranges for entertainment and the monotreme bites Luluchu on the ankle twice.

Gally (huffing along): I say, has anyone any Top Deck?

Buneater: I only carry bu-...ttons.

Clarke: I have oranges.

Cinbin: I have notebooks.

Lady Bathmat: I have green tea and cupcakes.

Mophead: I am a mop.

Varrator: I am a narrator.

Everyone snÃƒÂ¬ggers quietly at the Narrator.

Varrator: Bah!

Buneater: Quiet! Look at that ahead!

Everyone squints into the distance.

Luluchu: By the boggled bottlebrush, wot are they?

Clarke: Almighty cheese on toast!

Aixe: Oush me!

Tanya: By the buttered bread!

To be continewed
Bunne

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Yarra Valley
Posts: 1617
18 years ago

Mon Aug 24 2009, 12:04pm
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Bunne

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Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
Yarra Valley
Posts: 1617
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18 years ago
Part Seven
by the Buneater

Sir Gally: It's my dry-cleaning bill!

Aixe: Who's that smelly old woman wearing galoshes made out of cumquat peels?

Sir Gally: That's my Auntie Marjory.

Lady Bathmat: Why is she carrying your dry-cleaning bill?

Luluchu: More to the point, how is this most unfashionable auntie walking across that extremely boggy marsh there?

Auntie Marjory: (distantly) It's actually made of blackcurrant jelly over here. Quite tasty, although the frogs don't look very well.

Sir Gally: Quick! We must away! I can't afford to pay this dry-cleaning bill!

He breaks down sobbing near Fred, who hops out of the way in order to avoid getting his lovely white feathers all soggy.

Lady Bathmat: Oh, very well. If we're going to behave in a ridiculous manner and avoid the true issue of this play, then we might as well do it this way.

Sir Gally: (sobbing) Thank-you, most noble Bathmat! You shall be repaid in duck eggs and snail shells!

Lady Bathmat: I'd rather have slightly-used tea bags, but I appreciate the gesture.

Clarke: What about us?

Tanya: What about you?

Clarke: No, US. Why is everyone ignoring us? I am a witty and urbane cheese-grater with more style in my little finger than the rest of you put together.

Aixe: You don't have a little finger.

Clarke: And yet, it still has more style than you.

At this point, a note drops out of the sky, containing a message printed in Proclamator Zalia's handwriting.

I proclaim that that was quite rude!

Clarke: Proclamate this!!

He pokes his non-existent tongue out at the paper.

Sir Gally: (wailing) It's almost upon us!

Since the wailing of the good knight sounds somewhat akin to a hamster being flushed down a sink, the good Bathmat orders her mutant pineapples to quickly build a raft on wheels to carry them more quickly through the woods. This is done in an astonishingly short amount of time and the wheeled raft begins to pull away from Sir Gally's dry-cleaning bill and his cumquat-booted Auntie Marjory.

Narrator: Nobody has paid any attention to me! Look at all that lovely narrating I've been doing... and for what?

Cinbin: (craftily) You should go on strike.

Narrator: You know what? I'm going on...! By the snivelling snail shell, that was low!

Cinbin is suddenly transformed into a rather comfortable looking couch.

Cinbin-as-Couch: Hey!

Dr. Hoecules: (sitting down on the couch) I diagnose that this is the most comfortable couch I've sat on for the entire play!

Cinbin-as-Couch: Get off me!

Buneater: I declare that everybody should sit on Cinbin and test how comfortable it is!

Prince Winblade: I shall jump up and down on the cushions and drop sherbet lemons down the back!

SkyHawk: I shall place my crown on there with the pointy ends up and wait for somebody to sit on it!

Nomes: I shall lose a small fortune in copper cinbins behind the cushions!

Min: I say you should all shut-up about the couch and start writing out these invitations for Luluchu and Winblade's wedding!

Luluchu: We are NOT getting married! I'd rather marry a mannequin dressed in bubblegum suspenders and a mumu!

Winblade: And I just have better taste than that.

Fred: I say, it's been a long time since we ran into those pirates, hasn't it?

Sir Gally: No! Don't mention those pirates! I owe Pirate John a new cap for his ballpoint pen and I accidentally put it in the bolognese I served Aixe when she visited last week!

As night falls, the mutant pineapples toil away at the raft-on-wheels, unaware that it and its passengers are heading for their doom...

...............To be continued...............
Bunne

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Posts: 1617
18 years ago
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Bunne

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18 years ago
Part Eight
by Gally of Gallivant

Aixe: Our doom?

Narrator (in exasperation): Oh, you idiot platypus! Did you have to spoil the surprise?

Aixe: No, but if you publish your narratorial comments to the world I'm bound to read them.

Narrator: Really?

Aixe: No.

Clarke: Quiet! If we're about to meet with doom I'd like to listen to eat this pumpkin pie in peace.

Luluchu: Pumpkin pie? Pray, give some here!

Clarke: Pray, rack off!

A scuffle between the cheese grater and pokemon ensues, ending when Aixe raps both on the head and steals the pie for herself.

Buneater: Enough! We could be in serious danger. Bathmat, how safe are we on this raft?

Lady Bathmat: About as safe as a block of Top Deck in Camelalot Castle.

Buneater: Good. However, I suggest we emply a few other safety measures. Tanya!

Tanya: Yes?

Buneater: Take the mop and scout out ahead of us. Should you meet with anything sinister, make sure you scream out loudly enough for us back here to hear you and run, leaving you behind.

Tanya: Right.

Tanya and Mindy step gingerly off the raft and slink into the fog ahead.

Buneater: Aixe. Take your pie and station yourself at the rear of the raft. Should anything threatening appear behind us, first devour the rest of your pie and then fire off monotreme pellets at your leisure.

The monotreme nods and scuttles to towards the back.

Buneater (bringing out a mysterious green bag): SkyHawk. Take this bag and keep it with you safely. If we meet with strife and you have to fly off, make sure you carry it back to the castle safely. Once there, deposit it in my turret room.

SkyHawk: Certainly. But what's in it?

Buneater (evasively): My english, it not so good.

Sir Gallivant: And wot of the rest of us?

Buneater: Be on your guard! Take no chances. We must be very cautious. If necessary, we may need to use some of the lesser characters here as bait in order to make our escape.

Dr Hoecules: Escape from wot?

Suddenly, cries of alarm are heard from up ahead.

All: Oush me!

TO BE CONTINUED...
Bunne

Registered Member #7
Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
Yarra Valley
Posts: 1617
17 years ago

Mon Aug 24 2009, 12:12pm
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Bunne

Registered Member #7
Joined: Mon May 15 2006, 11:11am
Yarra Valley
Posts: 1617
Dreamscape Artist
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17 years ago
Part Nine
by Kayt, winner of the first SR Plus Play-writing Competition!

Alarm: Oh, woe is me!

The Alarm continues to cry up ahead. The Loons come upon it, however, to find it sobbing into its hands.

Tanya: *screams*

Mindy: *screams*

Buneater: Leave them!

Lady Bathmat: Oush me! Tanya and the Mop have been over-zealous. It is only an alarm, crying.

Zalia: I proclaim this incredibly bad pun well worn out.

Dr. Hoecules: I diagnose you as STILL BACK AT THE CASTLE

Zalia: I proclaim that I am still back at the castle.

Skyhawk: How very zen.

Buneater: As there is no danger, might I have my green bag back?

Queen Skyhawk hands back the bag.

Buneater: Thank-ewe.

Skyhawk: It's rather heavy. What's in it?

Buneater: Look! A dramatic development!

Varrator: It's not that dramatic. It's only an interval.

INTERVAL

Zalia: I proclaim this an interval.

Fred: Someone should go to the lobby for more Top Deck.

Clarke: Get your own Top Deck. The stage lights are making my make-up run.

Sir Gallivant: Wot make-up?

Clarke: See. It's all run off already.

Lu: Some of these costumes are appalling? Whose idea was it to put Aixe in green flares and an orange cravat?

Aixe: My green cravat is being drycleaned...

Sir Gallivant: Aha! So that's the extra cravat on my bill!

Aixe: I need it to be clean for your wedding.

Lu: Stop! I demand an end to this malicious lie!

Prince Winblade: I demand an end to the monotreme.

Fred the Seagull: This is all very well, but what about the top-deck?

Dr. Hoecules: No time! The Interval is over!

END INTERVAL

Gally: Cinbin? What was going on?

Cinbin: (reads notes) There was some speculation about the contents of the Buneater's green bag.

Buneater: Wot green bag?

Cinbin: The one in your hand.

Buneater: Wot hand?

Aixe: Wotever happened to the crying alarm?

Tanya: I turned it into a coconut. It was an irrelevancy.

Mindy: Isn't that the whole point of this journey?

Gally: No! We're supposed to be doing something, or going somewhere. Or something.

Lady Bathmat: Onward, then mutant pineapples (with legs)!

Prince Winblade: Does anyone smell salt?

Lu: Salt doesn't have a smell.

Prince Winblade: Never mind then.

Gally: I can Sea Salt.

Zalia: I proclaim that pun the worst of the play thus far.

Cinbin: You can't proclaim anything. You're not here.

Narrator: But then, they were all struck by a genuine dramatic development!

Loons: Ouch.

To be continued...
Tanya

Registered Member #383
Joined: Sat Jun 10 2006, 06:03pm
Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 945

Dreamweaver Guilden
17 years ago
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Tanya

Registered Member #383
Joined: Sat Jun 10 2006, 06:03pm
Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 945

Dreamweaver Guilden
Rebel
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17 years ago
Part Ten
By Tanya the Most Clumsiest of Sorceresses

Buneater: That hurt

Gally: Yeah wot was that for?

Narrator: *snickers*

Gally: I say ewe all be forgetting the point.

Cinbin: *points to sword* no it be right here.

Gally: Not point as in ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“A sharp or tapered endÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢, Point as in ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“a particular matter for consideration or actionÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢

All: Wot?

Gally: *mumbling to himself* You try to introduce a little class into things, and wot do ewe get? No appreciation these days.

Zalia: I proclamate that you should get on with it

Tanya: I proclamate that youÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re not here

Zalia: *turning red* whyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¦of all the things..andÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¦never in my days. I am the Proclamator here. You do not proclamate.

Tanya: Apparently I just did

Zalia: *puts on childish voice* ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œApparently I just didÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â. IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m going back to the castle.

Zalia storms off in the general direction of Camelalot Castle. Nomes calls after herÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¦

Nomes: But you were already there

Zalia: (In the distance) Hmph

Gally: *Clears throat*. As I was saying, ewe all be missing the point.

Cinbin begins to move his hands toward the sword at his hip but stops upon seeing the look on GallyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s face.

Gally: As I was saying, the point is I said I Sea Salt in the last play and all you did was make fun of me.

*Gally looks sullen*

Aixe: Well you have to admit it was a terrible pun.

Gally: ThatÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s not the point.

Luluchu: Well then what is? And be quick about it. IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m missing ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Fashionable Pokemon TonightÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ on the telly. I wanted to find out how to sew blueberries into my banana peel pants without making them all purple.

Gally points to the mountains of salt behind the adventurers which they had somehow managed not to notice. Perched atop the highest mountain is what appears to be three large washing machines,

Dr Hoecules: Oush me

Gally: I told you I sea salt

Luluchu: Never mind that. I want to go skiing,

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