Dear sir/madam/undisclosed,
I believe that you have recieved (by mistake of course, as my doomsday device and free racoom must have my beautifull name on it) a whole racoon.
I assure you that if you are a greenie or a veternairian or just simply have a care for animals, that I simply have the racoons best wishes at heart(um,yes yes).
I would please like it back, as it will be in use with my doomslday device that I will apply for.
I'd like it if it was returnmed thankyou,
Ms Kousuloupe.
Yours randomly,
GORP
16th isle
Lunar Department
Dear Lunar department.
I have recieved your letter with superb delight, and the wonderful first piece of my raccon. Is it the nose or the buttox, I am not quite sure, but it's cute all the same.
I shall write my adress here, instead of the back of the envelope - as the nice scent is only on the one side - and I assure you, it's a wonderously delightful scent!
Also, I was troubled that you did not tell me of any warnings about the doomsday daveice. For example - I could reserect my recently re-buiried husband. Would you care? I hope not, for that sounds like a good plan indeed....yes, yes.....
Anyway, my best wishes that this does not get lost in the mail, as my oen is loosing its ink quite quickly and I haven't a cent to buy another one.
Katisksha Kousuloupe
2 strangler st,
Thornbush,
Jupiter.
754288905780982398020.
Thanyou!
Dear Ms Kousuloupe,
The offer has expired on the sending of your racoon, he now refuses to leave my bedpost.
Unfortunately, your doomsday device fell into the mindstream when the poor lost darling Apple Cherry Pie crossed over to sus rid.
I have sent a delightful amusing monkey as replacement.
Yours Undeniably,
Apple Bannana Muffin
Dear Apple Bannana Muffin,
I am quite sad about my doomsday device and raccoon, but I shall forgive you. But may I ask, do you have any family members who wish to be destroyed?
For I AM QUITE IRRITABLE.
I hope you enjoy my magic mushroom pie that I will send to you,
Katisksha Kousuloupe.
PS - thank you for the monkey - I shall call him chimpy
Wanted
An old antique collection filled with sharp objects and wooden spoons.
Other antiques that look scary will be accepted.
Plese call my new house number on;
(07) 8756887645790.
Or send the antique collection to
1 - Jarshold rd
Border of Forrests of Silence
Land of the Snow Wallkers
Dear Madame Kousuloupe,
My uncle Apple Bomb wants to be destroyed as painfully as possible, I hope that helps,
Yours Dispairingly for Apple Cherry Pie is eating my fruit cake,
Apple Banana Muffin
Dear Apple Banana Muffin,
when can I see to the destruction of your uncle Apple Bomb?
You see, my new thwarting device will overheat in possibly elleven days, and I do not wish to loose the opportunity to cause as much destruction as I can.
I have allready dissembodied my niece, and I soon wish to go on a rampage throughout the Forrests Of Silence this Thursday, so I need to destroy your uncle immediately.
Please send your uncle over to my new house which is located at;
1 Jarshold rd
Border of Forrests of Silence
Land of the Snow Wallkeks
Thanking you,
Katisksha Kousuloupe.
Dear Miss Kousuloupe,
My uncle is attatched to this letter,
Yours always,
apple Banana muffin
-Lost-
Insanity,
if found, send to:
Egg Breaker,
43 maniacle laugh street
Camelalot/Sus Rid border
Dear Miss Kousuloupe,
Can I bring your recently deceased husband as a date?
If yes, do not bother to reply,
If no, do not bother to reply,
Yours unreplyingly,
ABM
WANTED
Two-hundred and fifty banana Peels, preferrably yellow.
Will trade charred muffins, or take unwanted goods.
Peels must be in good condition, and free of any actual banana.
Needed urgently.
If interested, please contact:
Lemona Squash
1277 Plastic Goat Way,
Plarg County,
Camelalot
Lemona Squash
1277 Plastic Goat Way,
Plarg County,
Camelalot
Dear Lemona Squash,
I am writing in relation to your recent add for Two-hundred and fifty banana Peels. Seeing as I am in dire need of charred muffins, I will be delighted to transport the 250 banana peels, plus an extra 2 for good measure. If you are at all interested, please reply to this letter.
Yours secretly,
Me
!Job!
Wanted - Foot scraper for my dear old granny
Must not have any experience, but must have graduated from FootScraping101.
If interested, say PEOTGGLFcks three times and I will appear.
Yours Insincerely,
PEOTGGLFcks
Me
..somewhere...,
somewhere
Dear Me,
I would be absolutely delighted to take your 252 banana peels off your hands. In order for you to maintain your secrecy, I would be happy for you to dump the peels on my front lawn under the cover of night. However, please refrain from depositing them on the pansy garden, or I may have to hunt you down and fill your pants with orange pulp.
A crate of freshly charred muffins will await you in the middle of the street. Please watch out for them. I wouldn't want you to damage your vehicle, and the screams of crashing motorists together with the screeching of car tyres seems to disrupt my sleeping patterns.
Thankyou kindly for your generosity. If you are ever again in need of charred muffins, come around and I'll be sure to bake some for you right away!
~Lemona
Dear Lemona,
Again, I express my gratification for the charred muffins, and I will certainly look out for them in the street, as I am violently allergic to orange pulp and will develop characteristics similar to an iguana if it comes anywhere near me.
Yours secretly,
Me
Got something ewe need to hock?
Or could ewe do with a nice dose of someone else's mouldy junk?
Here be The Camelalot Classifieds - the place to go when ewe're after ten vats of Gob Meck and prepared to pay rock bottom price for them.
The options
1. Advertise something (e.g. an old blue lampshade)
2. Purchase something (by writing a letter to the seller)
3. Express rage at being sold faulty goods (by writing an irate letter to the seller)
4. Seek something e.g. Wanted: one stale slice of bread
5. Ewe get the picture.
Please note:
All persons found attempting to sell marble chocolate will be thrown into the Camelalot Dungeons and be forced to sit on plastic chairs.
Happy trading!
WANTED: One is seeking the cardboard cutout of D!ck Cheney, where he is wearing the clown shoes.
Will pay ludicrous quantities of creamed corn.
Contact:
The Lady
1 Mongoose Avenue
Camelalot
Keeper of the Sherbet Lemons
19 years ago
Keeper of the Sherbet Lemons
Guildmember
wOrk WanTed
sEEkInG EMplOyMEnt
M GOOD aT paCkInG
ObjECTs Or pEOpLE
wOrk wELL wITh OThErs
Can sTarT anyTIME
I M a harD wOrkEr
COnTacT LUsh wInTEr
23 MaLLaCITE rOaD
TrOLL MOUnTaIns
Lend a hand??
Wanted.
Small young Rabbit that ecaped from Wonderland.
Must be REAL rabbit.
Person/thing/object selling rabbit must have actually met the mad hatter and/or Alice.
Please Contact:
Kaylan - 04565325
Mad Hatter - 07454356
or
some annonymous person who wears ren undies - 04567654
thanking you [img]http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif" alt=";D" border="0"/>
AAAA REWARD
My cardboard box.
1 of a kind!! Dearly missed.
Last seen in shape of D!ck Cheney.
3 beetroots reward!
Ph: 193 SHAL LOT
AAA FOR SALE
1x Handcrafted Cardboard Porridge Box
Quick sale! - going soggy.
Ph: 193 SHAL LOT
Sir Gallivant
The Laundry
Camelalot Castle
13 Porridge Court
Camelalot
Lush Winter, esq.
23 Mallacite Rd
Troll Mountains
Dear Mr. Winter,
A position has recently been made available in the prestigious laundry of Camelalot Castle. As keeper of the Laundry, I would like to offer ewe this position.
Your duties will include lifting heavy sacks of porridge oats, loading oats into washing machines, and impersonating aardvarks when I say.
Ewe must also be prepared to deal with a grumpy Narrator.
If interested, please direct yourself to The Laundry, Camelalot Castle, this Bunday.
Yours ridiculously,
Sir Gallivant.
LOST
1 Persimmon.
Last seen running very fast in a northward direction.
Is orange-looking.
Dearly missed.
Reward: 25980 golden cinbins.
Call Rillalola on 93574 876.
WANTED
One (1) Soul
Used OR New
Please Reply to
Dr. Satan
Downtown Camelalot
ASAP.
YOU SHALL BE GENEROUSLY REWARDED
PERSIMMON JAM SALE!
Persimmons, quinces, cumquats jams and condiments at reasonable prices. Craftsy doiley lids. Garage door opens 7am. Why not take some home for the kids!
32 Quince Drive, West Camelalot
Hey,Dr Satan.
My son Clouse has a lost soul,so your more than welcome to take it!
Regards,
Katishtka Kosoloupe
