WANTED:
Minions to carry supplies for rich Society Lady on expedition to private island.
Must be strong, lacking in brain-power and willing to be frequently shouted at.
Those with a fear of two-headed newts need not apply.
Contact:
The Personification of the Themesong From Titanic
Well-Bred Manor, Camelalot.
WANTED
Minions to assist in the wanton destruction of one (1) rather impressive society home and its letterbox. Must be proficient in the use of dynamite.
Please apply in person on Bunday next between Midnight and 4am to: Dr. Satan's Clinic, downtown Camelalot. Resume essential, references checked
WANTED:
Large, frightening minions with enormous sticks to protect one (1) extremely classy society home and its letterbox. Must be proficient in the use of flamethrowers and constipation-inducing gas.
Please apply to the Personification of the Themesong From Titanic.
Note: Applicants must be willing to work alongside a crocodile infested moat, and a fifty-ton hippopotamus with rabies.
Looking for a change? Do you like excitement, large houses and explosions?
Then this is the job for you. The Camelalot Gazette is looking for a self-starter in the position of Reporter Covering Battles over Letterboxes in Wealthy Suburbs. This position must be filled NOW!! Applications to be in by tomorrow, citing three references and half a mouldy watermelon.
WANTED- URGENT!
MINION - REQUIREMENTS
Weight - Over fifty tonnes
Rabies immunity (Preferably prior infection with rabies, but an up to date immunisation record is also acceptable)
Flame proof armour and metamucil supplied.
APPLY NOW! DR SATAN'S CLINIC DOWNTOWN CAMELALOT!
ATTRACTIVE SALARY PACKAGE MAY INCLUDE IMMORTALITY FOR THE RIGHT APPLICANT!
WANTED, URGENTLY:
LARGE, SULPHURIC ACID-SPITTING DRAGONS. MUST BE ABLE TO COMPLETEY OBLITERATE ANY OPPOSISTION, POSSIBLY WITH PENETRATION OF FLAME PROOF ARMOUR.
NAME YOUR OWN SALARY!!!
FREE!
One Bottomless Pit (slightly soiled)
Handy for all your nefarious needs.
u remove.
Required:
Small, explosive swamp dragon known to be sexually irresistable to large, fire breathing dragons. Task will be to entrance and distract said dragon.
Job perks are obvious.
Apply: Dr. Satan's Clinic
Dear Dr. Satan,
I wish to apply for the above- metioned job. I believe I am more than suitable and habe been out of work for too long now.
please reply,
Bob, the good-looking and very explosive dragon
The Institute of Dramatic Dance
Camelalot
Sustinare Ridiculum
Dear Sir/Madam,
On behalf of my rich and charitable Mistress, the Lady, I wish to sponsor one of your tap-dancing elephants. Please find her credit card details enclosed, along with a second hand elephant tuxedo, which we would like to contribute to an elephant unable to afford his own costume.
Congratulations on your wonderful work. The Lady very much enjoyed your last recital.
Yours Sincerly,
The Personification of the Themesong From Titanic
dear Institute of Dramatic Dance,
Enclosed is 3, 000 potty-trained lamas.
Not entirely sure how they'll help...
with love,
Sane Cat Lady
The Institute of Dramatic Dance
Camelalot
Sustinare Ridiculum
Dear Sir/Madam,
Thankyou for your return letter advising me of the progress of our Sponsored Elephant. I am pleased to see that Agnus is doing so well. In addition, I would like to personally sponsor one of your ballerina penguins. You will find my credit card details enclosed.
Further, if you are still in dire need of donations, I must recommend you write to my friend, one Dr. Satan. You will find him a kind and generous man, very amenable to surrendering his vast personal wealth in order to further the arts. I strongly advise you to send him all the advisory pamphlets and requests for donations you can. His address also enclosed.
My sincerest congratulations on your excellent work,
The Personification of the Themesong From Titanic.
PS. I have a number of Dancing Hedgehogs interested in ballet lessons. Do you take hedgehogs, and if so, what would the tuition fee be?
to Camalotian Police Department,
I would like to apply for a job.
From,
A Missing Left Shoe
Keeper of the Sherbet Lemons
18 years ago
Keeper of the Sherbet Lemons
Guildmember
Dear Missing Left Shoe,
While the Camelalotian Police Department is an equal opportunity employer; we cannot employ without a resume. A simple one line letter will not do. So if you wish to be considered for an interview, you shall have to send us in a complete resume.
thank you for your time
Acting Police Commander Kira Angleleg