I figure that he is just a man and really has forgotten that she hates the name Liv and, yes, she is totally in love with Tom but because he is the murderer he totally breaks her heart and the ending is really dramatic because she has to arrest him but she wants to let him go but then he tries to kill her and then she has to kill him instead and then . . . is this sentence long enough yet?
Wow Sionainn you've figured out the ending before even I have!!!!!!!
All your various thoughts and predictions to what is going to happen and what is happening are very interesting. But since it is mystery, I can't give anything away. So you'll all have to debate it out amongst yourselves!
Even if it wasn't mystery, you would tell us anything :P Can we have more words please? See! I even asked nicely!
Uh, yes.... words... Though I have made it to around 1820 words in total now!!!!!
Here are some I made ages ago..... |:| [act]cough, just now, cough[/act]
Enjoy, and try to work it all out. Where does this all fit in you might be asking? Well, you'll just have to figure that one out too.
[ligne][/ligne]
A few streets away, on Sleepy Quail Way, life was ambling along, as it always had. Just like the name suggested, things here, were slow, but the residents of the Way, much preferred it that way. If they wanted hustle and bustle, they need only go on a short train ride into the big smoke, but, what need did they have? Just around the corner, was the local High Street, packed full of independent, artisan stores, it provided the locals with all they needed. It was like a small town, in the beating heart of the city, something that they fought hard for, but even the most civil battles have casualties.
As one might expect, the most passionate defender of this way of life, was involved in every council committee, organised every local event and of course, pried their way into everybody’s business. Such were the responsibilities of the Matriarch of the Way, as everyone referred to her. But she much rather preferred, Ms Emilia Brown. And that is Ms. to you.
A widow, ‘by her own choosing’, as she repeatedly corrected, whatever that meant, Ms Brown, was a formidable woman, in every sense of the word. You would be very sorry if you dared cross her, but, everyone makes mistakes. She indeed was on the local Council, but she was by no means in charge, that was Mayor Banks. Down the chain of command were Vice-Mayor Stevens, Treasurer Phillips and 14 other elected officials, but Ms Brown held a great deal of power, even if it wasn’t official.
Ms Brown’s defining moment was the biggest event in the local calendar (one she produced every year without fail, and she always sold out). It was the area’s Annual Fair. Something Ms Brown had nearly single-handedly organised for the past 27 years, an achievement she was quick to point out to new volunteers, as if they were interested in the local history (a subject which Ms Brown was well versed in). The majority of the volunteers never even made it to the fair, they were usually too traumatised by the occasion. Those who survived, rarely returned for a second time. Except of course, for Ms Brown’s loyal devotees, the Ladies of Fairmedow Country Club. Oh yes, there was a local Country Club, first opened by Ms Brown’s husband, under the close scrutiny of his wife. There was even a plaque, dedicated to Ms Brown, an attraction that she was sure to point out, even if you weren’t in her company.
Yes she was that sort of woman. Which is why....
[ligne][/ligne]
I am quite evil aren't I, which is why I nearly always feel like I should end with [act]mwhahahahah[/act]!
11 years ago
Sat Dec 29 2012, 05:42pm
NOOO! How could you do this to us?! Again! No fair! No fair! Nor fair! [act]throws a tantrum[/act]
But it is very interesting. 'Widowed by choice'. Hmmm. Is she deranged?
How could I do that to you? Easily, because I'm evil. Someone needs to create an emoticon for a maniac laughing, or an evil person cackling!
Are the extra commas everywhere on purpose. I'm thinking yes because it sort of gives it a strange kind of rhythm . I'm not sure whether it works or not.
Anyway, aside from being comma heavy I like how this is written. A lot of exposition tends to get dry and boring and generally results in me skipping paragraphs, but you throw in some quirky info that keeps it fresh. Also Ms Brown is certainly a murderer in her own right but I suspect she shall be Tom's next victim. :nods:
It's clearly Liv that's going to do the killing, Shonk. But yes, Ms Brown certainly will be made to pay for her murderous ways.
I also like this snippet, but, like Shonk, don't think the commas are quite working.
11 years ago
Mon Dec 31 2012, 02:10pm
Hmm, I'll keep in mind my usage of commas, I admit that I put them in when I think it fits, but clearly that isn't translating when others read it. Oh well, that will be fixed when I edit!
Oh and I've posted a new short story in my writersmerge thread, one I wrote this year for English, as always pretty strange, and you know the drill, probably will leave you in suspense.
I've finally cracked 2,000 words!
As a present, you get words. But only a few!
[ligne][/ligne]
replied with obvious sarcasm that was felt miles away.
[ligne][/ligne]
What? You thought I wasn't taking a few literally! You'll get more in the future
Oi, you! Out of this thread and don't come back till you're willing to post a proper snippet. And no dessert, either :P. [act]chases away with cattle prod[/act]
11 years ago
Mon Dec 31 2012, 04:09pm
Just because you're a moderator now Darga, doesn't mean you can control my desserts!
[act]storms out mumbling[/act]
lol congrats on hitting 2,000!!! :D *throws streamers* you get a cupcake!
That is then confiscated by Darga :nods: Don't we at least find out who is muttering sarcastically?
No! Not my cupcake!
Sian who do you think would be muttering sarcastically?
TOM!!! (everything is just going to be Tom's fault)
On a side note, feel free to call me Shonk. Sian is another obernetters name is all, so don't want to cause confusion :)
Very well, Shonk, you may enjoy the next section
Ooh, is something going to be Tom's fault (of course, it is)
We're all skirting a very important question here... Does Tom wear bike shorts?
Do you want him to wear bike shorts, that can be arranged...
See? Everyone should take a leaf out of Daniel's book! He offers Darga bike shorts!
You may now have your dessert back :D.
NO, DANIEL!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? YOU CAN'T GIVE DARGA BIKE SHORTS!! [act]flails[/act] We're doomed now, we're all doomed! [act]starts rocking back and forth[/act]
YES MY CUPCAKE!
Shonk, the world isn't falling in, that was so last year! The bike shorts may or may not appear, and maybe not in the fashion you expect!
Mystic Guilden
11 years ago
Mystic Guilden
Mage
I don't think bike shorts are fashion, expected or not. :P
That line is a nice little teaser. I think if I came across a book with a blurb like that, I would have to read it, just to find out what context that line was written in :)
11 years ago
Sun Jan 06 2013, 04:13pm
The bike shorts haven't been worked in yet, but I have managed to creep towards nearly 3000 words in total. And I have the intro, chapter 1, chapter 3 mostly completed (probably will flesh out once done) and chapter 2 is half complete, with a few other random bits written. But my, writing is addictive!
