It's really sweet, Dakosha; so simple and honest. The more I read it, the more I love it. Thanks for sharing it :).
12 years ago
Wed Mar 28 2012, 09:41am
thanks Darga and Kaylan! Here's a new poem, guys... tell me what you think!
The Weakest Were Our Strength
Gone.
She just slipped away.
Another life taken;
She wasn’t okay.
Gone.
He just fell away.
Another life taken;
Brutally forsaken.
One by one,
They all disappear.
Blame survival of the fittest,
The weakest were our strength.
Broken down.
Gone.
No one can hold on.
Hold on.
Another day is all it takes.
Just hold on.
Well, pleeease tell me what you guys think.. Also, do you think it needs the italicized text, or just leave it with the "No one can hold on" line? Also, could the title be changed to something better?
Hope you liked it..
Edit: Here's another poem...
The Past
They say the past is left in the past,
But how can that be true,
When the past is there haunting you?
I thought I left it all behind,
But now more than ever,
I wish it all back.
I want to change it,
I never meant to hurt you,
It went all wrong.
My past isn’t content,
To stay where it belongs.
They say the past doesn’t define you.
Yet,
They say the past makes you who you are.
The past needs a better definition than before.
again, should the italicized part be in this poem, or make a whole different poem? lol, i love the lines... tell me what you think!
As always, thanks for reading!
Two more lovely poems. I love 'Survival of the fittest', especially the line 'The weakest were our strength.' :)
Wow, sorry it's been so long guys! I've been moving, tho... ya, leaves no time for writing.. but I made time! (Insert happily evil laugh here) Anyways, here's my poem/song, hope you guys like it!
If It Shatters Our Hearts
I used to think,
Love was a fairytale;
Hard to find,
But easy to hold on to.
Then boy you came,
You swept me off my feet.
Now I’m trying,
To keep up with my heart.
I’m moving fast,
Got my head in the clouds,
Scared to look down,
But knowing I will,
I just turn to you and ask –
If it all falls down,
And shatters our hearts,
Will your stay with me,
And help glue them back together?
Then you answer,
“Don’t worry sweet girl
‘Cause no matter how small the pieces get,
I’ll help you find them,
I’ll help you fix them.â€
There’s only one way down,
And I took it,
Before I even looked,
To see what it was.
I crashed to the floor,
Brought you down with me,
I’m so sorry baby.
Guess now I have to ask.
If it all falls down,
And shatters our hearts,
Will you stay with me
And help glue them back together?
And you say,
“Don’t worry sweet baby,
‘Cause no matter how small the pieces get,
I’ll help you find them,
I’ll help you fix them.
Until the day I hold your heart,
And you have mine whole again,
I’ll help you fix them.â€
Yes I know,
We won’t escape,
We’ll have bruises,
And scratches, too.
But just remember,
If it all falls down,
And shatters our hearts,
I’ll stay here with you,
And help glue them back together.
Don’t worry sweet love,
‘Cause no matter how small the pieces get,
I’ll help you find them,
I’ll help you fix them.
I always thought,
Love was a fairytale,
But now I know,
It’s just part of my reality.
Thanks for reading, pls tell me what you think!
Beautiful :)
So glad you are back to writing, I've missed reading your poems.
That was beautiful and so naturally effortless. I really loved it. I love the way you write because the words and the meaning flow so well.
Thank you guys!! Glad you liked it :)
Sadly, I'm not really back to writing, Thalia, as i'm still working on the whole moving from apartment to house thing, lol. Hope I can find more time to write, tho...
Talk to you later guys!
I was like that for a while, but found the trick was to write one line a day in a notebook, just so you are constantly using your imagination :P I'm sure you could write a poem about moving boxes :P It could be a metaphor!
WTH?! Depression in the middle of summer... cursed warm winter! Fortunately I have my writing...
From Me
Weighed down by doubts,
I’ve lost my grip on hope.
It’s high in the sky,
But that’s gone dark.
Now I’m lost in shadow,
The sun has run away,
From me.
From me the light of hope recedes.
From me the hope of light fades.
Stay away from me,
Or be dragged to the depths of doubt.
Run away from me,
Or lose your hope to darkness.
Keep away from me,
Or your light will disappear in my darkness.
I would stay away from me,
If I could come back from the depths of doubt.
I would run away from me,
If I could regain my hope.
I would keep away from me,
If I could find a way,
To stay away,
From me.
But I’ve sunk too low,
Lost sight of the light of day.
So I just sit here in the dark,
Trying to find a way,
A way away from me.
From me.
Drown in Tears
Chained to doubt,
Tempted by death –
Holding out a hand,
You just can’t reach.
The keys are lost,
Hanging on forgiveness.
The chance isn’t gone,
Drown in tears.
Don’t stop.
Won't stop.
Can’t stop.
Must stop.
Pretend it’s not there,
Don’t add to the pain,
Let it pass in silence -
If you can scream on mute.
Turn away from death,
Seconds before they see,
Before they see,
He is close to you.
Finally, they turn away,
You’re forgotten,
You remember –
You’re drowning in tears.
The chain has become a life line.
Why must you love too much –
To let it all go?
Why must you hate too much –
To not want it gone?
Drown in tears,
But they only take the pain away a little while.
Hope death will claim you,
As you drown in tears.
*sigh* Well, I hope the poems are atleast good ones, eh? Not too emotional that they become confusing... *shrug*
Mystic Ward
11 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Sorry you are feeling down Dakosha. The poems are great.
I hope the poems helped you feel a little happier, Dakosha - they were sad, but so beautiful. We're all here if you need to talk.
I think they did. Thanks Darga... Loving the new Avatar and Sig!
Glad you're feeling better, Dakosha. And thanks - I just wish I knew how to blend the various pictures I stick together in a less obvious fashion. Oh well.
Ok, this is a poem i've been working on for a few days... how does it sound? Like one poem, even tho i've written it in serperate parts?
The Eyes
When you can’t hide,
From the eyes inside your mind,
Who can you turn to?
When you can’t scream,
Because it would mean you’re insane,
Who can you run to?
You can’t be crazy,
But you have to face it,
You’re crazy.
You’re up and down,
Don’t turn around-
The eyes are looking at you.
They stare,
They glare,
They scare.
Learn to scream in silence,
Alone in your head-
The eyes will watch,
The eyes will laugh.
Don’t dare look at them,
For fear they will see,
The emotions written on your face.
The eyes keep you crazy,
The eyes keep you sane-
If only enough to pretend,
You’re not entirely insane.
They watch your every move,
They watch your every breath…
They watch as you die slowly,
From the pain they cause you to remember.
Sorry it's kind of deppressing, I guess i just felt like writing a sad poem, when i started this poem, lol. Tell me what you think, pls!
It feels like one coherent whole to me. It's very effective. I love how the poem sort of meanders all over the place. You keep changing the rhythm of the words, from the really short sentences that almost rhyme to the longer, more fluid ones. And I also love the contradictions, like "The eyes keep you crazy. The eyes keep you sane." It all makes me think of the chaotic swirl of thoughts you would expect from someone who's a bit paranoid, which I imagine is the effect you're trying to achieve!
(That's a long winded attempted to say that the poem is amazing :))
Thank you Darga, i rly appreciate that you actually read AND comment on all of my poems, lol. Here's another one... i'm not sure how much i love it, because, well... it almost confuses me! lol
A Dream
Come hold me,
Take all the pain away,
Don’t leave me lonely.
Cradle me in your arms,
Tell me it’s going to be ok,
Even though I know it’s a lie,
‘Cause you’re just a dream,
A dream I let carry me away-
Scared to go back to reality,
But you’re just a dream-
You can’t promise me anything.
Whisper in my ear,
Tell me I’m safe,
Promise me you’ll stay by my side.
Hold me tight,
Don’t ever let go.
Promise me.
Promise me,
Even though you’re just a dream,
A dream I let carry me away-
Scared to go back to reality,
But you’re just a dream-
You can’t promise me anything.
No promises made to be kept,
No gifts given to be left.
You’re just a dream I’m caught up in,
Just a dream I’m fading away in.
Fantasy was so promising,
But it’s all just a dream,
A dream I wanted too badly,
Now it has taken hold of me.
It won’t let go-
But it’s just a dream,
A dream I let carry me away-
Scared to go back to reality,
But it’s just a dream,
It can’t give me anything.
No, it can’t give me anything,
‘Cause it’s just a dream that promised me,
An escape from reality.
Pls, tell me what you think of it...
I love it, Dakosha! The first part just builds up, and sounds really hopeful (yes, the author's saying it's a dream, but maybe it's actually more than that; maybe this other person can give her what she's looking for)... And then, bang! Second part is all desolation, confusion and loss. I love how it winds up, and then just fizzles away into bits. It's beautifully written. (I reckon this is how Andrea feels whenever Devyn's in a good mood and smiles at her, pretending to be nice, and then zaps her with his pain spell with no warning)
I love 'A Dream'. It's actually really melodic and I can imagine it turned into a song. I think you have a lovely talent for expression and you always chose the right words!
I also love 'The Eyes' and think it's a really powerful poem. I think it would be lovely if it had some kind of accompaniment - like piano or strings.
Thank you so much for the comments, guys! I've got a new poem/song. :)
Walk Away
Don’t you dare walk away,
Walk away,
Walk away,
Like I know you want to.
Don’t you dare run away,
Run away,
Run away,
Like I know you want to.
You’re gunna have to face me,
One of these days,
So don’t you dare walk away,
Walk away,
Like I know you want to.
Don’t you dare turn away,
Turn away,
Turn away,
Like I know you want to.
Don’t you dare look away,
Look away,
Look away,
Like I know you want to.
You’re gunna have to face me,
After all the things you said,
So don’t you dare turn away,
Turn away,
Like I know you want to.
You can’t walk away,
Walk away,
Walk away,
Like I know you want to.
You have to face me now.
I wish I could…
Walk away,
Walk away,
Like the pain isn’t there.
I’m gunna have to face you now,
After all the hurt I’ve been through.
We can’t walk away,
Walk away,
Like I know we both want to.
So, what do you think?
The repetition is very effective, Dakosha. Do you sing at all? This definitely sounds like a song to me, and it would be so interesting to hear it to music (you realise i am now going to hassle you the way I do Kaylan now about creating youtubes of your work being sung, right? And it's your own fault for writing so well :P).
Anyway, it's excellent, as always :)
Im with DF- I can see (hear?) this as a song!
Love it.
thanks so much, guys! I'm glad you like the poems... or, songs, lol.
New poem. Think the title is ok?
Light of Day
When the pain won’t go,
And no one knows,
That your heart is gone,
You just can’t hold on,
‘Cause you’re living a lie,
Hold on to the sigh.
When you can’t go near,
The face in the mirror,
For fear,
Of seeing the tears,
You’ve lost the game,
‘Cause he was out to maim.
Just wait out the pain,
Fight to stay sane.
Hope you find the way,
To the light of day.
LIke it? Does it flow ok? ... hope you like it :)
It flows beautifully, Dakosha. Definitely feels like another song to me :) Start singing, girl, start singing.
I like the title, too, because pain and sadness are definitely viewed as dark times, so looking for the 'light of day' is a very apt analogy to describe clawing your way back to happiness.
Can't wait for more :)