All as beautiful as ever Dakosha. Please tell me you are back to writing this time? :P A dream and Walk Away are probably my favorites, but they are all lovely.
She's writing a book, now, aren't you Dakosha??? [act]HINT HINT[/act] :P
11 years ago
Tue Jul 31 2012, 01:52am
lol, maybe... i think i've found my problem when not writing poems, tho... i'm not writing it like a poem, so I'm not happy with how it sound. I think i'm going to look at what i've written so far, and change it... again, lol.
Sorry, Darga, i just need to find my writing style, lol.
how do you like the line: "She felt the music flow through her like a shiver."
That's the kind of writing I think I want... i just have to figure out how to write it, lol.
Also, yes, Thalia, I believe I am mostly back to writing...
I think you just figured out how to write it, Dakosha, since you showed it to us :).
That sounds beautiful. Make it all like that :nods:.
Yay! [act]dances happily[/act] That sounds beautiful, more, write more I beg of you.
Stop nitpicking. Just write! Worry about the little stuff later! :D [strike]Why don't you take your own advice Shonk?[/strike] Shuddup inner-self!
Yes, Shonk. Words, Shonk.
Stop stealing my threads, guys! lol, no, i'm a perfectionist, i can't make the story sound good if i don't like a part of it...
I didn't steal nothing [act]subtley tries to sneak thread into her pocket[/act] And we wouldn't have to steal threads if someone produced more words :nods:
Ya Darga, Shonk says we need more words... how 'bout that epilogue?
But she's not llowed to write an epilogue . . . unless its about stuffed toy dogs :nods:
We don't steal threads... |:| And unless it's an epilogue set a week in the future, or involves stuffed dogs suffocating Matthew, as Shonk suggests, I don't want to write it. I think I'm more likely to produce a sequel than an epilogue. And before you ask, that's not likely either :P.
So, I really need to go over my poems and put them into a collection... any volunteers? lol
Anyways, new poem! (/song) Pls tell me what you think... and as always, thank you for the comments.
Lost It All
I thought that I could take the flames,
Reached my hand out,
But I burned,
I burned.
Now you’ve gone,
Left me behind,
I braved the fire,
But lost it all.
I lost it.
I lost it all.
I thought that I could swim for you,
Went as far as I could go,
But I drowned,
I drowned.
Now you’ve gone,
Left me behind
I braved the storm,
But lost it all.
I lost it.
I lost it all.
So tell me,
Are you happy now?
You broke my heart open,
Then left it in the dust.
I gave you all I had,
You left me to burn,
You left me to drown.
Now,
I’ve picked myself up,
Dusted off my broken heart,
I cried over my scars;
They’re the only gift you ever gave.
I’ve lost it all.
I’ve lost it all.
I thought that I could take the flames,
Reached out my hand,
But I burned.
I burned.
Thanks for reading!
Too much organisation :P. I'm not poetic at all, so I'd have no idea what should go together in what order. I'd like to read your collection when it's collated, though.
Oh, this poem is so mournful, Dakosha. I love it. You can feel how your speaker is still yearning for the person she loves to come back and give them some affection, even though they've been treated like dirt. It's beautifully written.
11 years ago
Tue Sep 11 2012, 06:03am
haha, ya, i'd love to read my collection when it's together, too... It just may take a while to get it there... seeing as i havn't even started.
Thank you tho, Darga, for always reading my new poems :) Here's a new poem/song!
Do You
Hey baby,
I need to know.
Do you love me?
Of course, you say you do,
But to be sure
Will you answer,
What my heart begs to question?
Do you love how,
I make faces at you,
When your mind has,
Left you for a moment?
Do you love how,
I have like,
Hundreds,
Of different laughs?
Do you wish you,
Could change me?
Or do you wish,
I’d stay the same?
Please tell me boy,
I need to know.
Do you love how,
Sometimes I don’t hear,
What you were sayin’,
‘Cause I’ve lost myself, in those green eyes?
Do you love how,
I grab your hand,
And dance to no music?
Do you wish you,
Could change me?
Or do you wish,
I’d stay the same?
Please tell me, boy,
I need to know.
So would you tell me baby-
Do you love me
Or should I expect you to go?
Do you need me,
Or should I run before you turn away?
Please tell me boy,
I’d love to know.
Do you love me?
O baby,
Do you love me?
Do you love how,
I say,
I couldn’t live a day away from you.
Do you love how,
I kiss you,
When you least expect it?
Do you wish you,
Could change me?
Or do you wish
I’d stay the same?
Please tell me boy,
I need to know.
Do you love me?
Of course, you say you do.
Edit: While writing another poem (which you should get soon if it decides to work) i realized that most of my poem/songs came from a song I had heard on the radio. Usually just a part of the music, and most of the time has nothing to do with the lyrics... i just wondered what you guys thought about that, lol. Good for days I listen to a lot of music, i guess.
11 years ago
Thu Oct 25 2012, 02:35am
Bah, I hate real life!! This poem/song (the one i mentioned above) has been done for a while, yet I couldn't seem to find the time to even post it! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Anyways, hope you like it.
Where Do I Go?
My world felt alright,
But you came along,
And broke it.
Now I’m alone,
Trying to find,
Where I belong.
Where I belong.
It all fell apart so quickly.
Must have been a crack in my walls.
You took a hammer to them,
Then charged inside my heart,
And tore,
It apart.
Now where do I go?
I’ve lost the only place,
That I could call home.
You took it all away from me.
Now I’m laying here,
Shattered on the ground,
And you got away,
Without a scratch.
Well, I built it all up again,
But you came back around,
And burned it down.
Must of found a back door,
‘Cause I thought I'd left you,
In the rubble,
That I call my heart.
Now where do I go?
I’ve lost the only place,
That I could call home.
You took it all away from me.
Now I’m just crying here,
Shattered on the ground,
And you got away,
Without a scratch.
Don’t you dare come back,
‘Cause if you do,
I won’t survive.
I won’t survive,
And it’s all your fault,
But I doubt you’ll care.
Now where do I go?
I’ve lost the only place,
That I could call safe.
You took it all away from me.
Now I’m just dying here,
Shattered on the ground,
And you got away,
With my heart,
But I don’t expect it back.
My world felt alright,
But you came along
And broke it.
As always, thanks for reading. :) On a side note, do you think I should seperate my songs and poems in my collection, or mix them together?
I like this because it has a real sense of imagery. The use of the words 'shattered' and 'broken' made me think about how fragile the world and emotions are and easily torn apart. Good work =D
tyvm kaylan, this last poem/song is actually one of my favorites i've ever written, I keep humming it. Alot. I wish i could show you/let you hear the music I put to it in my head...
:)
I love the short sentences in this, Dakosha. I think they really convey the sense of pain and betrayal of the speaker. My favourite line is probably 'the rubble that I call my heart'; so perfectly descriptive :).
You should record yourself singing or humming the song and post it on youtube! Kaylan did that for one of her songs, and it was so interesting to see the rhythm that she was imagining when she wrote her poem. I'm not a very musical person, so when I read songs, I just kind of chant them inside my head, and while the words are still amazing, I think I'm missing quite a lot not being able to imagine them put to music!
Anyway, lovely work as always, and can't wait to read more :).
I really like the 'Where Do I Go' one. :)
I loved this bit
"Now I’m laying here,
Shattered on the ground,
And you got away,
Without a scratch."
It really stuck out to me.
Thank you so much for your comments, guys!
I'm really glad to know my writing is appreciated by atleast a few ppl :)
Hope to write more soon...
Muahaha, i love it when as soon as i say "hope to write more soon"... i write!
As of yet untitled, but i've got a few in mind.
You flew away,
Far away,
You said you'd stay,
But I guess you lied,
So now I cry,
Alone at night,
And dream of the day,
That's never gunna come,
When you hold me,
In you arms,
Just once more.
Oh, just once more.
'Cause I thought the world,
Was going to be alright,
But i was wrong,
And so were you,
And now we're gone,
Too far gone,
Blown away with the wind,
Never to return again.
That's ok,
And that's not true,
But I'll act like it is,
Even thought you're not here,
To see it all
Fall through.
'Cause i thought our world,
Was going to be alright,
But I was wrong,
And so were you,
And now you're gone,
Too far gone,
Flown away with the wind,
I'll never see you again.
I wish you well,
'Cause I don't want you,
To feel what I do now.
I hope you fly,
High in the sky.
While I'm 6 feet underground.
'Cause we thought our world,
Was going to be alright,
But we were wrong,
And now we're gone,
Too far gone,
Blown away with the wind,
You'll never see me again.
No, you'll never see me again.
You flew away,
Far away.
Ok, i beleive that looks right, but i'm using a different document manager as i havnt gotten word working again since I had to wipe my computer... /sigh then i need to transfer all of the old documents back onto computer... then i can figure out the title for this poem!
Hmm that was a slight rant, sorry bout that.
Is this one a song, Dakosha? I love how your narrator is clearly in such pain but is bravely pretending she doesn't care. Your poem makes me feel angry at the person who left :P. Grrrr! Beautiful work as always. Hope you get that computer sorted out.
yes, it's a song darga. Tyvm for all of your comments, always, Darga. I hope i get my computer sorted out, too, lol.
I like this whole song writing thing, before i always stuck to poems cause i couldnt think of enough verses, lol, but i like how they're turning out now.
Ty for even reading my poems!
Yes, this is a rant, but it's also an explanation... for why you will either be getting piles of new poems or almost none. I told you i had to wipe my compter, but that my poems and such were saved on a backdrive. Well, apparently i was wrong. The backdrive malfuncitoned or something and only about 7 poems were saved. I almost cried. Fortunately, though, i have almost all of my poems either printed out, or saved here on ober.net... but it will take some time to type up the ones not here on ober.net.
I am very depressed, because i had bits of my story, and notes for names and such for the I Am Sharks and Sirens idea on word and no where else. They are now gone. Hopefully if i ever try to write that story again, i will remember what i need to. Of course, it may be a while for me to try writing a story again, just cause i'm not very good at the non-poem of song writing, lol. Or so it seems.
*sighs* well, if you stuck it the whole way through that rant, thank you. Hopefully you will get more poems soon, i'm sorry if you dont.
later all...